Pleonasm

You didn't turn back.

2011-08-05T23:24:00.002+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

That's that then, isn't it?

I guess that Starbucks I got you wasn't the right flavor, like how I'm not the right guy for you.

I don't know what got over me....this desperate attempt to please you, to just see you smile. I wonder why did I go through all that rush just to hand-deliver you that Starbucks at your doorstep...

I don't know. I'm crazy.

And even with just us standing there, I couldn't even say anything that was on my mind. That last hug, I tried to put everything I had in it...but I guess you couldn't tell.

Then you walked away, I watched your retreating back....

You didn't turn back.

And at that moment I realized, this is really, finally, is the end.

I'll be living with the constant regret that I couldn't look you square in the eyes and tell you how I feel...after all these years.

The last chance.

2011-08-04T00:27:00.002+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

To speak or not to speak?

I really do wanna talk things out with you. It's a closure I've been really wanting. Like, I wouldn't be a real friend to you if I can't be honest about my feelings.

Then again, I was never honest with my feelings to begin with.

It's always me?

2011-07-30T00:25:00.003+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

I'm too convenient now, am I?

So, I've been thinking (something I've been doing too much too), if I do decide to pull back a bit, will you care? Will you come running after me?

Or will you just act as if nothing is happening again?

Distance, it's what I need from you right now.

Just a thought.

Re-realization.

2011-07-29T01:31:00.002+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

Have you looked into a mirror recently?

So like, I was just complaining to a friend of mine like, I never had the balls to confess and tell you how I really feel about you, face to face.

I never had closure on this matter, not with you.

And just when I thought, Hey, maybe it's time to just put it all out on table...

I realized that, no, I do not have any right to do so. Why? Well, let's just say it's because of self-esteem issues regarding my physical traits.

I have no cards to play on the table.

I mean, me next to you, it's already a joke. Sigh.

You're pretty as hell. You deserve like a handsome, witty, charismatic and buff dude.

Me? I'll forever be that friend who will always support you no matter what, eventhough I come home every night and moan about the pain inside.

Such a loser I am. Forever will be. Goodnight.

One being immature.

2011-07-26T22:11:00.003+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

I can never look into your eyes for more than 5 seconds,only if it's a photo.

The things you say about him, I say the same about you too. The pain you feel for him, I feel for you too. Funny isn't it? If only you'd turn around...

I've got nothing, really.

As usual.

Back to the hiding hole.

2011-07-26T01:21:00.005+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

You're a coward.

This is like talking to myself. Again.

Well, I'm back. Back to this old hiding hole. Because sometimes, when you REALLY need to express certain thoughts, well, you shouldn't rely on those over-used social networking sites (Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr...)

In a way, I'm glad Blogger is sorta dead. I guess.

So it's been almost a year since my last post. A lot has happened really. Went to Canada, finished my freshman year, back now, leaving soon...

...Still very very very much crazy over you.

This is so stupid.

To be very honest, deep down, I feel sort of, disregarded. Like, I'm not sure if my actions actually speak my mind. Am I being too vague? I thought I was being friggin obvious. But then again, as always, you have me believe that you pretend not to see it. So I pretend too.

And allllll this pretending got me this winded up.

I hate to see you sad, because when you do, in a way, you're sort of like me. You let sadness drown you. I know how it feels. Maybe you might disagree, but at least I can empathize.

I know you are hurting. It hurts me too. hurts me more actually. I'm not sure if you noticed, but I've been hurting way longer. 4 years soon really.

But I'm not here to like, compare our sufferings. Don't we all believe that our own pain is the greatest of all?

Do you know how hard it is for me to see you suffer like this? And even harder and tougher for me to hold it in when I know you're crying over someone else? I want to be that friend that comforts you, but my feelings for you get in the way, and I become bitter. God help me, you're gonna hate me for this, but when you do cry over him, part of me just wants you to suffer. Because I'm angry, bitter, jealous....

What kind of friend am I? I'm ashamed, really. But, like you, I can't control my feelings well.

There are times when I feel I'm desperate. And during those times, I force my fantasies to come true. I see things that aren't even there. When you jokingly play with me, I think of it as you flirting with me. When you put your arm around my shoulder or waist, I think of it as you wanting to hold me forever. When you smile at me, I think of it as you having feelings for me, as strong as the ones I have for you.

My delusions are the ones that are killing me inside, not you. I know this, but I insist on putting the blame on you. It's easier to be angry at someone else.

It all comes down to this:

I know. Trust me, I KNOW. I know that what I've been hoping for all these years will never come to pass. I know that what I want from you is impossible. I know I should stop all this delusional dreaming and ramblings of mine and MOVE ON. I know that I will never be good enough for you, that you will never see me in that way, that I can't be the one to make you happy.

Yet, it's because that I know all this, I want you even more. Doesn't make sense to me, but yes, I love you. I hate using the word love, because it is often misused, and the media has turned it into something so clichéd. I blame those hollywood romance crap they feed us that we seem to thrive on.

But those are my honest feelings, which will never reach you.

I guess that's it for now. I've said what I shouldn't have said. But fuck this, I'm hurting too.

And I just want you to know that.

The frigid soup made a star.

2010-07-11T16:51:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘If it’s beautiful, it’s probably your imagination.’

Victor Goh’s guide on how to write/compose a CHART-TOPPING hit song.

Step No.1

Think of a completely random word/phrase, OR an overused, cliched word/phrase.

Step No.2

In your own head, just think of a simple beat/tune. Maybe add a little bit bass to it, some special effects and stuff. All achievable with AutoTune or Audacity.

Step No.3

Now, refer to Step No.1, and use your desired word/phrase, throw in your beat/tune, and REPEAT the damn word throughout the whole song.

Simple as 1,2,3.

Don’t believe me?

What about Usher’s OMG?

‘Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh my gosh…’ (i kid you not, 11 oh’s)

Kesha’s Blah Blah Blah? Yea, that’s the chorus.

Justin Bieber’s Baby? (Baby baby baby OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH)

Sigh.

So easy to be a singer these days.

(ok la, maybe I’m exaggerating a bit. But really, most people just know that particular word/phrase of those songs. sigh)

What did you say?

2010-06-20T01:11:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘They’re taking to goddamn hobbits to fuckin Isengard.’

Today is one of those days, when you have all those loathsome selfish thoughts that you wish you wouldn’t have.

You know, thoughts like:

‘I wanna get away from everything. I wanna forget about everything and move on by running away to another country, and start a new life.’

Yes. I said selfish. But I forgot to mention stupid as well. When you just pause and think about it, that won’t happen.

Why?

Because your FRIENDS would probably fucking kill you before you do that. =)

So I’m just gonna keep hanging on. Wish me luck.

That’s what she said.

2010-06-16T18:58:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘my mother’s father’s grandson told me to tell you something. I forgot’

First Twitter. Next, Vloggin.

Seriously, I don’t see the point in blogging anymore. I remember how much I used to blog, like, DAILY, sometimes, 2 posts per day. But then again, that was 3 years ago, when EVERYONE had a blog.

Now, everyone has Twitter. I do too. Sorry blog.

Yet, I still strive to be different from the rest.

Hence, with my new Flip Mino HD camcorder, I shall officially kick-start my new vlog channel on Youtube with my New Zealand trip, starting next monday.

You laugh at me because I’m different? I laugh at you because you’re all the same.

Some times, a simple ‘No’ would be more appropriate than a vague and pointless reason. Work it out. Sort it out. I have feelings too.

Then again, I’m just fat. So I will end this post at a random note and

What gives you Hope?

2010-06-10T21:10:00.001+08:00

‘Dressing up is like foreplay.’

I was reading LGMH last night. Some stories were just to…movie-like fake-ish. Get me? Like, it doesn’t happen in real life. It doesn’t. Stop dreaming.

But some, talking about love between best friends and siblings, make me go AWWWWW. like, a big AWWWWWWWWWW. Just for fun, AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW…

No, seriously.

I think it’s because, I really love my friends. I may not be the best guy around the block, but I do cherish the dudes and dudette’s who’ve stuck by me. Growing up as a single child, I never had any sort of sibling love. So reading about those touching moments with your brother or sister, I get jealous. I guess that’s also another reason why I love my friends so much. I think sometimes, I pour in some brotherly feelings into my friendships.

I’m talking weird.

Though I hated reading those LGMH that talks about guy meet girl, vice versa, become best friends, out of the blue, propose, she says yes. LGMH.

WHAT?

That only happens in movies. I’m sorry. I’m a pessimist. Maybe it’s because I’ve had bad experiences with those kind of friends-turned-lovers situation. Well, not exactly, but around that realm of situation.

Again, I am talking nothing.

Do you think I’m cute?

I think, again, for too many times, my ratings with girls just plummeted to the ground with THAT kind of pictures.

No wonder I’m single. Meh.

What happened to the ice cubes?

2010-06-07T23:33:00.001+08:00

‘I’m tapping the walls to see if they’re really there.’

Dad’s finally agreed to get me my Flip Mino HD camcorder.

Isn’t it just beautiful? Getting mine in black though. =)))

Now I can really get my vlog project on the roll. Gonna kick start it with my trip to New Zealand!

That’s the happy part.

But honestly,

I’m still pretty much very bored and lifeless at home. Not to mention, I can’t stop these contradicting feelings and pesky thoughts.

Really, I guess, I could never really hope for much.

Pushed back against the wall.

2010-06-01T23:58:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘Brake. Look around, then go.’

Though I beg to differ, I think knowing the truth and have reality smack you across the face hard, is a worse suffering.

I guess.

You’re a tease and you turn them off.

2010-05-31T00:04:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘We have enemies because we stood up for something’

Alright guys.

Twitter killed blogging. Major overkill.

In fact, if you want to know more about my life, just go to my Twitter page, or the little update box at the side bar.

But quick update guys.

Will be heading off to Singapore with my family for a short trip. Hopefully I can get myself a RCA or Flip mini-camcorder. I SOOOOOOO WANT ONE OF THOSE.

And few days ago, I was at the mall with my ‘mother’ Cheryl.

And we were just walking around and doing some people watching.

This is what we noticed: Beefy, chunky, big-boned or whatever you wanna call them guys, like BIG-SIZED dudes, with skinny or decent looking girlfriends walking around. And I looked at myself and asked Cheryl:

‘Why ar, those girls with guys like them?’

her reply:

‘Coz girls like guys with size, big size good maaarrr…’

So…

I’m not exactly PETITE right? So why am I still single? Huh?

The world is so weird.

My red overcoat.

2010-05-26T22:42:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘You can’t make things right when you’re wrong.’

I think it’s effin OFFICIAL.

Canada hates me.

T.T

Sigh. Who knew going overseas would be such a hassle? Bummer.

Life’s been pretty much like that. Bored 90% of the time.

And it’s not that I wanna talk about the previous post, but it’s just that…those feelings…are so real and raw.

You can’t stop what’s happening. Accepting it is hard, but…

What else can you do?

It’s the feeling of loss.

Veil.

2010-05-22T23:55:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘You think you know, when you don’t.’

As much as I want to deny it.

As much as I don’t want to admit it.

As much as I try not to think about it.

When I’m surrounded by happiness…

…I tend to feel lonely. Like now.

Be like a sentient raindrop.

2010-05-18T23:53:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘What is a question?’

Hello. Recently, I often find myself standing in this murky field I call my mind.

That didn’t even make sense. I think I’m losing my mind. what?

So yea. I’ve cried, unashamedly, twice, in less than 3 weeks. Oh wow. It’s so easy to stop being hyper and energetic in front of people, and just lie on my bed and show weakness.

Why?

My childhood dream got crushed. Yes, I got rejected from my dream campus.

Now most people think, OH IT’S ALRIGHT! AT LEAST YOU GOT THE *OTHER* CAMPUS RIGHT?

That’s the point. It’s the *OTHER* campus, not THE campus I want. I mean, ever since I was 9 years old (maybe even earlier) and was still probably worrying about Pokemon cards, I wanted to go to University of Toronto, St George Downtown campus. It was like, SET. I can’t imagine myself being somewhere else than there.

But Hello to Reality. Funny how one word, ‘REFUSED’, can cause you to breakdown like a child who’s ice cream cone fell on the floor. Despair? Hopelessness? Disappointment?

Sigh.

No. I’m not over-reacting or being dramatic. It’s a BIG deal for me. But then again, I don’t really expect anyone to fully understand. Not even my parents. Not you Dad. Oh no, I just keep failing in front of you, no?

ON A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT NOTE,

I’ve sent off many friends already. Like, overseas. Just yesterday, I went to the airport to see a friend flying off to a foreign country, beginning a new life.

I wonder how it feels, when you step into the departure hall. How it feels when you walk under the big black archway that says ‘International Flights’. I wonder.

Will I forget that easily? Will all those ‘We’ll see each other soon!’ ever come true? Will I be remembered?

I don’t know.

I promise to tell you when I do step onto that plane, in 3 months time.

Slip through my fingers.

2010-05-15T16:44:00.001+08:00

Oh tonight I'm feeling fine
I'm alone just wasting time
no Friday movie nights or romantic candlelight
I'm just having conversations
with the thoughts in my head
all I hear are angels crying
oh won't they just sing instead
It would be wrong for me to say

I don't need that girl by my side
I don't need that girl in my life
I don't want to talk it out
or hold her when she cries
I don't want to say she's my kind
I don't want to say that she's mine
I don't want to tell her
that I love her more than life
more than life, love her more than life

Honestly, this won't do
how is she doing?
I tell myself I'm feeling swell
but I know I'm such a fool
I'll just take it as a new beginning
but you know I don't feel that way
who will take all this pain away?
I know it's wrong for me to say

Talk about a sin
was the day I walked into the other side
I would run back in
I wouldn't waste no time
I know it's wrong for me to say

It’s been almost more than week now I think. I wonder how are you doing? Do you still miss me the way that I do? Or did it all didn’t matter, like how easily you didn’t remember. A fallacy?

But I guess it was wrong for me to hope. Being on the wrong is what I do best.

Finite.

A story…that was never finished.

2010-05-09T02:20:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘Welcome home, you’re back where you belong.’

I once told a story. What was the guy’s name again…Oh right, Little Boy.

Yes! I’m not joking. The main dude in my story, his name was Little Boy. Well,I’d like to continue his story, ‘cause don’t you just hate it when things are left unfinished? =)

Before I tell you what happened to Little Boy after all these years, you might want to re-visit his past. His beginning.

Immerse yourself in his simple story.

Part 1 HERE.

Part 2 HERE.

Part 3 HERE.

Now, I just want to say, Little Boy’s timeline differs much from ours. His biological clock I mean. Now, he’s pretty much grown up. Not a full-fledged adult yet, but definitely grown up…a bit.

For now, he is known simply as…Boy.

Now, Boy here lived pretty much a happier life after resolving his problem. (refer to his old story)

But his happiness was short lived. Believe it or not, even after going through all that pain, you thought he would’ve learnt his lesson. Nope. He did it again. Same mistake, same problem.

But Little Boy…no wait, he’s Boy now. Yea. So Boy here, he’s blessed. Very blessed. He doesn’t really know it yet. He’s blessed with friends who care for him, more than he thinks he knows. Blessed with friends with such a forgiving capacity, he dares not to acknowledge it. But forgive him his friends did.

So that’s it. Boy lives on.

…

Naw, don’t kid yourself. You think his story is just that? No, look through that stained glass. There’s more to it, however simple it may be. I just wanted to share this story with you. It’s really…simply interesting, in my very humble opinion.

Now, Boy definitely has grown up. And we know what age bestows upon us mortals.

Yeap, you guessed right. Hormones. Raging ones.

Boy has now reached an age…where he wants to find the One. See, there’s always someone for everyone in this world. But how do we know if he/she is the One? Boy wants to find Her.

Back when he was still Little Boy, he tripped a friend, and never apologized. He now knows why. Little Boy at that time, was growing up. Just beginning to feel to effects of hormones. But he outgrew that. So that’s the past.

Now,

Boy met a girl. She was…captivating, in her own way. He still dances. And guess what? To his delight, the girl danced too! And so they danced together, getting to know each other. Boy’s little heartstring…gave a little ‘twang’. He thought, ‘Maybe she’s the One I’ve been looking for.’

Boy thought wrong. Because Boy failed to see the interpretive meaning behind her dance. Her slow dance, hides a pain. Boy failed to see that, and kept dancing to his own rhythm, oblivious. The girl tried to convey, but Boy was still ignorant as ever. Cut a long story short, the girl danced away. And the girl, found another dancing partner, who lifted her off her feet, bringing her to heights and places she never dreamt of. Boy looked at the girl whom he thought was the One. He was hurt, and felt a little bit of resentment at first. But Boy, along the way, gained some maturity. He felt happy for the girl. So he continued on with his life.

So, Boy kept on dancing with his circle of friends. His life was a jolly one.

Let’s pause here for a moment. I don’t know about you, but from his past and the previous incident with the girl, I personally conclude that Boy is VERY BAD at reading signs. Yes? No? I mean, people can be perceptive…but as usual, time will definitely reveal everything. But Boy…ugh, he is such a dimwit. Dancing blindly without looking at other people’s dance.

Which brings us to another part of Boy’s life. This time, a friend of his among his dancing circle, bumped into him. Not just once, of course, plenty of times. But Boy was preoccupied with…other matters. (I’m guessing the first girl?) Oh, but that friend of his didn’t give up. And one day, Boy actually had the pleasure of dancing with her.

Boy begin to feel his heartstring playing a different tune. It was a mellow one. A one that was healing his heart. He liked it. Boy begin to dance with all his heart.

But…sometimes, when you give your all, it might backfire. In Boy’s case…well, he got tripped while dancing, by that friend whom he thought was the One. She left him lying on the floor, as she danced away…

Boy was confused, hurt yet again. He did not understand. He lay on the floor for a long time, refusing to dance again. This hurt…and the previous wounds that were still mending, incapacitated Boy.

Don’t worry. With a lot of help from his friends, Boy got up again. But this time, he promised himself he’ll dance more carefully now. Each calculated step showed that Boy was dancing to a foreign rhythm. It was a rhythm that was…tentative. Boy was dancing all right, but he danced slow. Deliberate slow steps.

Boy was determined to protect himself. Never again shall he fall.

I’m pretty much sure I’ve lost you now. Or maybe you were already lost way up somewhere there. haha. It’s alright. For those of you who took the time to reach this part, you have my sincere thanks. I wanted to share a story, because I wanted to. Simple as that. This simple story, in simple words.

But it’s not over. Here’s a cliffhanger:

Boy is now on the floor,again. No, he wasn’t exactly tripped by someone else, or maybe he was? But on the floor writhing in pain he is.

Boy is reaching out for help. I wonder who will come this time to save him?

to be continued.

Heartbroken.

2010-05-08T17:19:00.001+08:00

No fancy thoughts. No fancy photos. No fancy words.

The title says all.

Always. It always turns out like this. I give my full, but it will never ever be enough.

Who was I kidding? I was just, yet again, giving myself false hope. Again, I was just reading the situation differently, lying to myself that it was something else. I feel so pathetic, now that I think about it.

And so again, I’ve inflicted this pain unto myself.

I’m tired. I really am. But I’m more fed-up than anything. Giving up is so easy, and that seems like a viable option.

Why? The shortest question in the world, but one with no real answers.

It’s been months since genuine tears flowed out of me, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Bye.

Diamonds are just like broken glass to me.

2010-05-05T22:23:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘there’s really no point if they don’t it the way you mean it’

It sucks when you try to convey your thoughts, your real feelings, but that someone just don’t take you seriously enough.

So I ask myself now, what’s the point of telling?

Back into my comfortable dark shell.

Hello, Hello Baby.

2010-05-04T18:17:00.001+08:00

sorry, couldn’t resist. lulz.

Little voice in my head says:

‘appreciate civilization.’

JUST got back from Cameron Highlands. In the very end, I am a city boy. Not that I don’t appreciate nature or anything, but no, give me modern and techno-savvy environment to live in.

It was so DIFFICULT, surviving with no internet connection for 3 days.

I swear to God, this is a form of internet-addiction.

OK LA, Cameron was pretty decent. Got a lot of pretty flowers and tea leaves. Not to mention cars and flies.

…did I say decent? Sorry, correction: Cameron was dead boring.

But I’m back. and that’s that.

And I lost my concert virginity to arguably one of the most charismatic band ever.

TOKIO HOTEL.

Before I start my rant, I just wanna say, to survive a concert, yes, survive, you need lots of energy and stamina.

May 1st.

Cheebye sexcited. First concert and all, of course I would be la. So I reached OU about 4-ish? Hell, I’ve never seen so many teenagers that are so confused with life in one place. Black shirt. Black jeans. Black nails. Black scarf. Black over-coat. Black eye-liner. Black underwear. Black shoelaces. Black hair. Black belt. Black man…oops.

And what was I wearing?

A BLACK and WHITE checkered shirt I got from Cotton-On. So I guess that makes me HALF-confused with life.

ANYWAYS.

Met up with Emily, Justin and Kristle. And we decided to join the ‘line’ at the Tokio Hotel gate. Fuck, more like squish-fest la. It was HOT AND STUFFY, and no thanks to the over-excited bitches who kept shoving and pushing me that I had to stand literally with bended knees and almost tip-toe. Ergh. AND THANK YOU GOD for showering us with Sky Juice…for 10 mins. So we were drenched with sweat, rain water and other people’s sweat…

…for almost 3 hours straight.

Endurance, endurance,endurance.

and this dude just couldn’t stop shouting…at an empty stage.

I like this picture for some reason. =)

So if you can’t tell already, it was really packed. I mean, it’s inevitable to sweat in Malaysian’s weather, but what’s worse than sweating like air tangki bocor, is when you got another dude’s sweat and smell all over you. Now, I love my indian machas, in fact, I have a few good indian bro’s and sis’s. BUT the indian dude who smelled SOOOOO BAD, just had to stand next to me. Ugh.

Pop Shuvit and Bunkface opened the concert. Pop Shuvit…OK LA. Only Marabahaya cranked up the crowd a bit. Bunkface was OK-OK, though I kesian them when they were playing ‘Through My Window’, the PA system fucked them up.

If you can’t see, that’s Tokio Hotel’s frontman Bill Kaulitz. Thanks confused-in-life bugger with black nails for spoiling the shot. (see what I mean?)

I didn’t take many pictures of Tokio Hotel performing, instead, I filmed a lot of short clips of them performing. Hell, they were just AWESOME. Seriously, they sounded as good as the album, if not any better. Bill has just so much on-stage persona, and a killer voice to match.

Though I still can’t really understand his slightly-feminine movements, like his hand-flailing and knee-shaking…thingy. *shrug*

Tom Kaulitz. Bill’s awesome guitarist twin.

AND THEY ENDED THE WHOLE CONCERT WITH THEIR OH-SO-AWESOME HIT, ‘MONSOON’…

…IN GERMAN! Durch Den Monsun. XD

Heck of a concert. Too bad it was a bit short.

My next concert? Has to be Mcfly of Lady Gaga. =)

Like a Phantomrider.

2010-05-01T23:54:00.001+08:00

a short update:

Just got back from Tokio Hotel! They deserve a full post, but I’m just gonna say this,

THEY ARE ABSO-FUCKIN-LUTELY AMAZING!

Going to Cameron tomorrow for 3 days. Then I’ll do a proper update on the band that made me lose my concert virginity. When they popped my ‘cherry’, it didn’t hurt, but it sure as hell was AWESOME.

Oh, and I probably shouldn’t say this too, but…

TEEHEE.

bye. See you on Wednesday.

Finally.

2010-04-26T18:11:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘oh wow, you gotta find a way. a way ain’t gonna find you.’

Finally watched Kick-Ass today, with my love guru Sarah Tiong.

The hype surrounding the movie…the enthusiastic comments from friends who enjoyed the movie…I had really, really high expectations for the movie, even after I read the Kick-Ass graphic novel.

Did I enjoy the movie? Yes.

Was it as good as I expected it to be? Not really…

To be fair, they did portray Kick-Ass (Dave) pretty well in the movie…still, I felt the story wasn’t really revolving around him. In fact, I got more pulled in by THIS bloody awesome character.

Falcon-punch in the face! You got face-punted, cunt!

Yeap, she’s just as amazing like in the comic. Heck, I never enjoyed watching someone kill so many people. Not to mention she’s kinda cute! (no sick pedophilia dreams here)

Still, it was an enjoyable movie. But it would’ve been more pleasurable to watch if the ASSHOLE and RETARDED GSC at MV had checked the film before screening it. 40% of the movie had its audio out of sync, and half the time, we’re like wondering : WHO THE HELL IS SPEAKING? So friggin annoying. Not to mention, near the end of the show, the friggin alarm bell outside went off. Ergh. Major distraction.

Hell, I’m still going to watch it one more time. Meh.

AND I WANT TO WATCH HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON! Dammit, I know I’m kinda out-dated la.

AAAAAAAANNNNDDDDD…

Two mega hits I’m dying to watch:

Lightning-fast Wing Chun and fat Sammo Hung? MUST WATCH! And please, it’s IP Man. Like, you pronounce the 2 letters together! It’s not I PEE Man. Sheesh.

Yes, Iron Man is cool. But I’ll admit, I want to watch this so badly because of WAR MACHINE! HE IS JUST TOO AWESOME!!!!!!! I hope they bring back his Zero Cannon…but judging from the trailer…I think not. Probably just his standard arm machine guns and his shoulder gattling gun. Oh well. STILL AWESOME! XD

Finally, I need to watch my spending. One week’s worth of allowance. 70% gone in ONE day. Oh boy.

Sushi nom nom nom.

Take a breather.

2010-04-25T16:15:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘I could really use a wish right now.’

ARE YOU READY?

ARE YOU READY FOR THE CUTEST PICTURE EVAR?????

REALLY?

OK…BE PREPARED TO BE REDUCED TO HYSTERICS!

…

SAY HI TO LITTLE ASHTON!!!!!!

If you don’t even find this cute, even in the slightest, you really need to see a doctor.

C’mon! look at him. Ok fine, maybe the sulking face don’t do him justice, but I swear to God he was soooooooooo adorable when the gang and I spotted him at One Utama 2 nights ago.

LOL at his shirt!!!! and the back of his shirt read ‘milk…milk…please…’

Can’t blame him for his

face, I mean, imagine 11 almost-adults (i say almost, because…well, we’re still pretty much acting like kids) just squealed out loud, whipped out camera’s and started to chase poor little Ashton. HAHA, poor boy waddled all the way back to his dad. Nice family.

Ok that’s it.

No seriously, what were you expecting? another update on my life? Bah, i have no life.

BUT.

Tokio Hotel. 6 days and counting. XD

Oh, and here’s a little mental test for all you guys reading this.

I want you to read this out loud.

ALPHA KENNY BODY

read it out loud and repeat it, quickly.

=) Bye.

Bend over and fall.

2010-04-22T21:12:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘So much more easier if everything could be fixed with a hug.’

I’m in love with this song. After David Choi’s ‘Won’t Even Start’.

Seriously, these YouTube singers/musicians are just so much more talented and awesome than the current crap we get in the mainstream music. GIVE THESE GUYS RECORD DEALS MAN!

Something bout the way
Something bout the way you look
In my eyes
You make everything so damn easy
So easy that I don't got to worry bout a thing
And baby when we touch
All I can see is the image of us
Sitting by the ocean
Just before the dusk
Sipping on a juice box and
Sand between our toes

This is the part when we say we’re in love
And the part where we have our first kiss
But this ain't a movie
I know you can't come with me
You got your life
He better be treating you right

Just tell me you don't love me
Tell me you don't feel the same way that I do
Tell me I don't make you smile
Like I do when you walk in the room
You're so hard to let go

This is the part when we say we’re in love
And the part where we say it's forever
But this ain't a fantasy
I know you can't come with me
You got your life
He better be treating you right
This hurts so much to know that you're
With someone else when you should be with me
It's just hard to accept that I can't be around
He better be treating you good
I'm no Einstein but I know a sign
When I see one
And I know you love me too

Love and relationships are never like the movies no matter how much we want them to be. But when something beautiful ends, for whatever reason, it's most important not to be disappointed that it's over, but glad that it happened at all.

Crossroads.

2010-04-20T23:26:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘save me with your love tonight…’

Hi. I’m confused. Very. Much.

A chance at redemption maybe? But why am I hesitating? This is what I wanted right? To make things right again, or at least do some damage control, salvage what is left.

Yet, I’m here, doing nothing. Doubting.

What the F is wrong with me? Grow some balls VickyG!

On a brighter note…

Guess who’s going to catch Tokio Hotel? XD

I play my little drum with a ukulele.

2010-04-17T22:28:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘You’re my macha…brudder…’

My days have been getting better and better…and I’m pretty glad.

Still, I can’t hide the fact, that I miss having you in my life, and I miss being part of your life, however small it is.

But I asked for this, so I don’t know why I’m saying all this.

Letting go…piece by piece.

Yet, it was difficult for a moment, when I drove past your street today…

You have no idea how I felt at that moment.

A little room for living.

2010-04-15T15:40:00.001+08:00

You give yourself a reason not to believe, refusing to hope. It turns back and gnaws into your very being.

This is what I’ve become.

I was angry. I was frustrated. but mostly, I was wallowing in self-pity. I rued a lot of things concerning you. I abhorred my feelings for you. I rejected the friendship you gave.

All in the name of self-righteousness.

There was a time when I thought it would be better if you and I never met. Maybe then, I wouldn’t be what I am today. But, if you and I have never met, I would never have had the joy and pain of knowing you. I’ll keep those memories, because they’re the only proof that you and I ever met.

Being able to think like this…

I guess this is another step forward for me to letting go. Or just me being a bit more retarded.

Sense of achievement? Think not.

Jot down my notes, they’re the only music you’ll ever hear.

2010-04-10T00:03:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘so…no cranberry sauce?’

Definitely need to hang out more with the dudes. LOL. the shit we talk about is...so…dude-ish.

Beats staying at home thinking of her.

Which I would really love for it to stop. Thoughts of her, i mean.

C’mon. It’s like, you dropped your cellphone into the sea. You know there’s literally NO HOPE of ever getting it back, but you just keep looking into the water all the same.

Because life fucks you like a bitch. If it were a slut, it’d be easier.

Vibrant.

2010-04-08T23:22:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘What happened to those days? What happened to you?’

Sucks when even your own dad looks down on you.

And they say ‘Believe in yourself even when no one believes in you.’

But I’m thinking: There must be a reason why people stopped believing in you. So if they don’t, how can you even believe that you can believe in yourself?

Did that make sense? No, just like my life. Bleh.

I miss you. there, I said it.

Realization is a sexy sensation.

2010-04-07T20:01:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘Leaving it all behind is just giving up on the problem. it’s not a real solution.’

I’ll only say it once.

Twitter killed blogging. Like, overkill.

bye.

I like to wear em glasses upside-down.

2010-04-02T18:27:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘Hello beautiful…wasn’t talking to you! I just got lost in my own eyes…’

When Victor got accepted into University of Toronto, he JIZZED IN HIS PANTS!

YES! FINALLY! AFTER SOOOOO FUCKING LONG! The Gods have heard my prayers. Thank you!

I still can’t believe it! Tis’ definitely a Good Friday. =)

ouch?

there's a thin line between love and hate,one wrong step is all it takes.

The Gods must be smiling.

2010-04-01T11:53:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘patience paid off huh?’

Life is good now. =)

I can’t believe we’re together…after all that stuff we’ve been through. I still can’t believe I actually drove us up Ampang look out point for dinner, where I finally had the guts to confess to you under the influence of shisha (ok la, that one quite fail on my part)

But hey!

I am not single anymore! =)

april fool? hahaha…

…

that wasn’t a very funny joke. sigh.

Underneath these clothes, I’m naked.

2010-03-30T22:39:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘real men drink tobasco sauce.’

I do not like this feeling.

The feeling of distance. The feeling of drifting away from people you care about.

Feels like I don’t know about them anymore and vice versa. It’s not just the lack of topics to talk about that bothers me, it’s more of the…whole thing.

Then again, I could be thinking too much. But I still can’t shake off this feeling.

FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL.

No, that’s not me under that mask. The body is though. LOL

To specials. Touché.

2010-03-29T00:18:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘Take the initiative for once, things won’t just come your way.’

It’s a bit late, but a very big birthday shoutout to the one and only, LADY GAGA!!!!!

Keep those masterpieces coming. Have a nice 24th birthday, you deserve it. Lots of love from this not-so-little monster. =)

I’m actually very confused right now. With everything going overdrive inside my head, I don’t know what is what anymore.

And that kinda sucks.

But like I always tell myself, don’t give yourself false hope, don’t have high expectations.

Like my old saying goes:

Things you can never get, think about that.

Look at me, look at this.

2010-03-24T15:12:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘The feelings you hold may undo you.’

Gah. This flu ain’t going away. T.T annoying much.

Sometimes, I get really tired of putting up a brave front. I’m tired of hiding my true feelings, keeping them to myself, to survive in this world. I’m tired of telling myself I should probably give up, when deep down I know I don’t want to.

I’m tired of feeling regret and anger, at myself. Tired of having those dreams of you, waking up hyperventilating and with a knot in my chest. So friggin tired of feeling like this every time I’m enjoying myself, whether it be alone or with friends, that I’ll just bring myself down.

Nothing ever happened. So then, what’s the problem? Exactly that.

Sometimes, you can’t blame someone for moving on so fast. You can only blame yourself for being slower.

I’m tired of not being enough.

I’ll be ok…or that’s what I’ll say…

We change our bedsheets because we have to.

2010-03-23T18:16:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘you have to concede to the fact that all your happiness will be short-lived.’

Birthday Video Project, Codename: SEX was a huge success. Video on Facebook. Go my profile see. Lazy link.

Happy Birthday Veevien, Kaijie and Ali.

Am currently sick. Runny nose and massive headache.

My last lifeline has been cut. Nothing makes sense now.

I’m back to where I started.

Don’t let your brother meet my sister.

2010-03-21T23:49:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘the grass is always greener on the other side.’

Hellooo…haven’t been updating this blog for a while now. (well, if you count 4 days ‘a while’)

Project is going along well! Hope it turns out alright. This thingy has been eating up almost most of my time, which is good, coz at least i have SOMETHING to do. Gah.

coz i hope someone would just notice me.

It’s pretty weird talking to a camera…alone. But hey, gotta get used to it! Vlog vlog vlog!!

My pinky is longer than your pinky.

2010-03-17T17:21:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘angfvhosfubvruedbvre…that was me talking to you.’

My body is an extension of my penis. I look at my body as a vessel that carries my penis.

c’mon! You laughed at that didn’t you? Sexual innuendo’s never fail to entertain me, just like your boobies. LAWL.

Me. Thambi a.k.a NyitYang

‘The world pretty unfair man. You see those ugly or so-so looking guys with super hot chicks as girlfriends.’

‘Uh-huh.’

‘If that theory is correct, must be because I’m too handsome la…that’s why no girlfriend.’

*silence*

‘Yea, me too.’

Meh, single guys punya lame excuse.(we sounded pretty damn sad case la) But seriously, am I right? The world works in a weird way. The uglier you are, the more attractive your partner is. No? I don’t know. Hoe.

uh huh. chick-magnet. I am.

Friends. They come and go. Some friends, the tighter you try to hold on to em', the further and faster they’ll drift away…that’s destiny maybe? I don’t know. Thank God I’m blessed with you. To be able to to know what I’m thinking before I even say it. To laugh at my jokes that no one else will laugh at. To be there…just to be there when I need you. I love you, thebestfriend. Such an emotional talk we had. We both cried. And laughed. Wish I could pack you in my suitcase when I leave.

I shower naked. Oops, how naughty of me.

2010-03-17T01:11:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘someone once told me I was a lie…oh wait, that was you.’

I hate it when people come up to me and ask:

‘So hey! What’re you doing now?’

Erm…nothing?

‘Huh? What about Uni?’

Oh…my course only starts in September.

‘Waaaaahhh….very long time more hor? What are you going to do now? Not doing anything? No job ar? 5 months wor? you gonna stay at home all the time meh?’

… *flips out middle finger*

Ergh. Without fail. I’ve lost count on how many times I’ve had this convo with various people. Annoyed much.

I’ll figure out something to do. Till then, leave me alone. (or maybe not, coz then I’ll have no one to talk to. LOL)

For now, my Saturdays are occupied by my Japanese classes…Taihen-desu ne~~~

Ok ok, I won’t blog in Japanese. I know how annoying it is to not understand when someone starts speaking in a foreign language/dialect. Like Hokkien. I feel just downright retarded when I hear people conversing in that dialect, being a Hokkien guy myself. The only Hokkien I know are:

‘CHAR KUEY TEOW AR! MAI LUA! MAI HAM!’

and'

‘CHAO CHEE BYE’

=) I do my ancestors proud.

I walk around the streets everyday like that.

I need a haircut. I have a very sore back. There’s nothing interesting on FB or Twitter. My life sucks.

My left bum, my left drum.

2010-03-13T01:34:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘Your existence is like fart, comes out fast and unexpected, but soon forgotten.’

So as I sit here in front of my 12.1 inch screen (I know my laptop dam small, shuddup), I wonder…

WHY DO I BLOG AR?

…

Is it because I have an interesting life/hobby/skill that I’d like to share with the world? No.

Is it because I can write motivational/emotional posts that may and will move people? Hell no.

Is it because I’m handsome/cute and I post pictures of myself here at my blog to let girls gawk at me? I don’t even need to answer this coz I already know you’re gagging and retching out loud.

Is it because my blog can contribute to the greater good of the world? …I think not.

So I really wonder…WHY?

…

……

honestly?

…

I don’t really know. Seriously. As lame and stupid as this may sound, I really don’t know why I blog. I just know…I want to. Sometimes, I need to. Done. That’s it.

This has been a very pointless post. Yea, I know you agree with me. My life is just as pointless as this post now.

the useless thoughts run through here.

But I want to say this:

I miss you so bad. Miss you that it aches every night. I go to bed, with countless of thoughts and emotions jumbled up together about you. It’s driving me mad. I can’t sleep peacefully anymore. I have dreams…no,nightmares, that involves you disappearing, one way or another. I don’t know. It’s scary. Then I wake up, and the reality doesn’t seem too far from the nightmare. This crushes me so hard. I sleep, dreading the dreams. I wake up, only to find that reality is pressing down on me hard, pushing me deeper into my bed. Do I really deserve this? Yes. But for this long? I don’t know.

Dork. Yoinks.

2010-03-09T17:11:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘Let’s find something else for you to do instead of listening to me ok?’

What happened
after last summer
when we broke up
in February

I haven’t seen you
Feels like a long time
Sometimes it still hurts
But I always get by

I still got a piece of you under my skin
It's always there no matter where I've been

So if I ever see you on the street
I'll pretend that I didn't see
And turn my face
No use in small talk anyways
Because if I look into your eyes
Then I'll have to say goodbye
And that'll break my heart
So I won't even start
I won't even start

I wish you luck
And I wish it true
That's the best
I can do for you

Cuz you'll probably find love
In someone new
I have to let go
Yeah its hard to do

So if I run into you with your arm by his side
Just know it'll cut me like a knife

I'll be ok, I'll be ok
Or that's what I'll say

So if I ever see you on the street
I'll pretend that I didn't see
And turn my face
No use in small talk anyways
Cuz if I look into your eyes
Then I'll have to say goodbye
And that'll break my heart
So I won't even start

No, I won't even start

Can’t believe a year just went by like that…no wait, I can believe. There hasn’t been a day when I’ve forgotten about it.

Well. 5 months. This feels like déjà-vu…another countdown? But then, there’s no turning back after this one.

Kick the pelican, bite the porcupine.

2010-03-08T20:42:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘la la la la…’

After watching this ‘masterpiece’, I find the world to be so unfair. If that guy can get his own MV and stuff…

W-H-Y am I not an international superstar singer/actor?

Screw you world. I give you the birdie! ,,l,,

Hmm? my life? boring as hell. Don’t ask. There’s not even anything to talk about.

well, excuse ME for the lousy editing.

Quick birthday shout out to my dear Cat XUAN XIAN. me wuv eu. <3 Happy Birthday. I miss scratching your ears.

AHHH…The spider is gnawing my pinky!!!

2010-03-06T22:18:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘I dream of the day when you start listening to me for REAL.’

I swear to God, this is one of the funniest advertisement I have ever seen! Hands down man! Old Spice FTW! I am THOROUGHLY convinced by this ad. I mean, this has got to be the first time an advertisement managed to successfully convince me of their product. I wonder if Malaysia carries Old Spice?

This may be the answer I’m looking for to curb my un-man-liness (as claimed by some.)

…Old Spice dude pose FAIL.

I’m on a horse. ROFL!

Please ignore this post, Ignorosaurus.

2010-03-04T20:26:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘Not a very good actor like you thought you were,eh?’

I tried my best to better myself at damage control. I closed one eye on this matter already. But I guess it’s not that easy. Must I really close both eyes and just blindly walk by it? No? Yes?

Some people are just really, really downright TACTLESS.

you’ll be making that expression once you go through the exact same sh!t I’ve been.

People keep telling me that I’m too much of an emotional person. I shouldn’t express too much feelings, nor should I put too much feeling into something/someone. In fact, a close friend ventured that I should actually be a bit more…reserved? I was told that even if you care deeply for someone else, that someone else may not care as much as you care for them. And this is the sad truth.

But I refute that truth. I brand it as a lie. I believe, so strongly, that what you’ll receive in return is proportional to what you give.

Stop lying to me, World. Before I give up hope on you too.

All that’s once is and will be.

2010-03-03T19:20:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘Why can’t we make this darkness feel like home?’

Here’s a random post.

So much for losing weight. Even though I ‘promised’ myself to stop the CNY-like gluttony once the festivities are over, today, I had pizza. Classified Chicken. Oh boy. Carbs.

Has this even happened to you? We all know the weather’s been stinking hot these past few days, so I wanted to take a bath to cool down. I turned OFF the heater, like, who needs it? Then, I stood under the shower head and anticipated this cold rush once that icy water hits my body.

Fuck. Warm water.

No, worse, it’s more than warm, slightly below boiling point. Like WTF??? I’m sure the water wasn’t THAT hot la, but because of the heat wave outside and my super high body temperature, it felt like bathing in scalding hot oil. Dulan like hell la wtf! Came out of the shower half-wet, half-sweating.

Bath fail.

I am doing nothing. My life is pointless. My sole purpose every day is to wake up and just plan my breakfast, lunch and dinner. Then sleep. In between those times, I just sit in front of my computer, trolling.

you’ll look like this after refreshing your Facebook page for the 243857604324534th time.

Yeah, and I twisted the wrong nipple. Don’t sue me.

Another one bites the dust.

2010-03-02T00:04:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘Sometimes, the point don’t really matter, just like a homeless guy dying at the side of the road.’

Here’s another post, signifying the further breakdown of our relationship, Dad.

I realized, since a very long time ago, no matter how much you try to hide or deny it, that you were disappointed that I didn’t turn out to be the son you always wanted.

I remember your disappointment when I told you, not too long ago, that I was very undecided about my future. What I wanted to pursue, and what I wanted to be. I wanted time to discover myself, but no, you wanted to pave a clear cut path for me, as soon as possible. I appreciate that, but you can’t rush things sometimes.

I remember your disappointment with my below-average grades in high school. You thought you hid it well, with your ‘motivational’ talks to me about how its OK and I can redeem myself next time. I saw through you Dad, you’re so easy to read. And at that time, I regretted, and told myself I would try to be the son you wanted.

And I did try. But it wasn’t good enough…like always.

I remember presenting you my report card in college. I was very pleased with myself, with that 76% average. It may not be a top grade, but I was proud, because I knew for once, I put my effort into my studies. Compared to the failing grades I achieved before, you had no idea how happy I was to see that 76%. But you scorned at it. You scorned at my effort. You proceeded to lecture me on how bleak my future looked, that no universities would take me, just because I didn’t score an 80% and above. The way you put me down Dad, you have no idea how it hurts inside.

Then there’s the trust issue.

I know,back in my younger days, I was a chronic liar. I lost your trust. But as I grew older, I sought to redeem myself in your eyes. But no, I’m always this immature, lying 12-year old kid. You never trusted my judgment, you never believed in my decisions, and worst of all, you never take my word for it. How can you expect me to call you ‘Dad’ when we both know there isn’t any trust between us?

Of course, for once, I proved you wrong. I got accepted into Universities. Yes, plural. Two, by far, and more will be coming, I am sure. I was so…elated, euphoric, ecstatic when I got that acceptance letter from Victoria University. I remember so well, I, bursting into your room, with a big smile on my face and shouted : ‘I GOT ACCEPTED INTO VICTORIA U!’

You glanced at me, gave me a weak smile, nodded, and continued watching your television…

You could’ve said something Dad. A ‘Good job’ or ‘Congratulations’ would have sufficed. But no. Once again, without realizing it, you have indirectly showed your displeasure with where I am now. I remember forcing that horrible smile, so fake, plastered on my face as I walked out of your room so quick, determined to hide the tears that were threatening to fall. I’m sorry that I couldn’t make it to the big Uni’s in UK or US. Then again, sorry will never be good enough.

I know, the times you tell me that you’re proud to have a son like me. There might be a grain of truth to that, but I’ve always known all along Dad, that you expected more out of me.

Maybe, all I wanted was for you to acknowledge who I am. I’m someone who excels better beyond books and grades. I’m someone who is…more verbally expressive. I’m not a grade A+ student. I know who I am Dad, and I as sure hell know my limits. I know that I’m ME.

Again, sorry for not being who you wanted me to be.

But I’m not sorry for who I am today.

The world beatboxes. How universal.

2010-02-28T15:32:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘Why do I even bother talking? You don’t listen anyways. Go F*** a squirrel.’

Let it be known that here at theworldaintemo.blogspot.com, I do not support BESTIALITY. Coz its sick, and you might get Squaids. (squirrel AIDS)

So today, I feel very tired. Why? Because I only slept for less than 2 hours yesternight. Why? Oh…I don’t know…probably because I was tossing and turning in my bed, thinking about…well, thinking about stuff I promised myself not to think about anymore? Credits to emo thoughts for making me look like a zombie now.

lack of sleep and lack of sanity.

My swollen eyes and 10-tonnes eyebag. I’m so attractive. =.=

Because like I always say, the ghosts of your past will never leave you alone. Cheebye la.

So anyways, I’ve been thinking (again) that I really want to start a VLOG. Like, video blogging. But I guess I’ll only start when I hit Canada. In a way, it lets me, a talkative person, to rant and rant, while at the same time, share my life with you guys. You know, it’s the closest thing to talking to you guys back home. I know going to University is going to be awesome, and I’ll meet new friends, but you guys still rule my world.

So…unlike conventional blogging…Vlogging actually requires a little bit of investment and much more time. So first off, I need a good camcorder, not top-of-the-range, but something decent to film myself with.

With some research and a tight budget, I narrowed it down to 3 choices.

The Xacti CG10 camcorder. This baby is highly recommended by top gadget critics and seasoned vloggers. It’s really user-friendly, and for all its functions, it comes below USD 200. To quote CrunchGear : ‘At under $200 this thing is absolutely a steal.’ Full review read here.

RCA EZ205 series camcorder. Now if we’re talking about a tight budget here, this thing would be your best bet. However, compared to others, this does not film in HD, so don’t expect cinematic videos or anything. The thumb-up part of this thing is it’s build. As you can see, you can shoot yourself (haha) with the help of the 1.5-inch LCD screen that flips completely out, making it easy to watch while you record yourself. Very vlogger-style piece of gadget. Price? USD 99.99.

Last, the Flip camcorder. This piece of gadget is a close competitor with the RCA EZ205. It has a built in USB port which makes it much more easier for file transfer. It was specifically designed to make YouTube videos, so definitely this tops the ‘compatibility’ and ‘user-friendly’ charts. However…memory size isn’t all that great. There are 2 versions, a 30-min capacity for USD 119, the other 1 hour capacity for USD 149.

Sigh.

Which one? I’m with a tight budget here, so definitely the RCA EZ205 stands out. But then…the Xacti CG10 is like, the best for its price range, and who knows, when september/october comes, it’s price might drop even further? But the Flip boasts user-friendly interface and a software that makes uploading videos to Youtube much more easier.

Oh gawd. Dilemma.

I almost forgot. I’d like to share a piece of happy news with you guys.

I GOT ACCEPTED INTO UNIVERSITY OF VICTORIA, CANADA!!!

teehee. =)

Dear Li Chung,

Congratulations on your outstanding academic achievement!

We are excited to tell you that an admission offer is on the way. Check your mailbox, as your letter should arrive soon.

Best wishes,

Undergraduate Admissions
University of Victoria

LMAO at ‘outstanding academic achievement’. Tsk tsk. But hey! It may be my 2nd-choice Uni, but it’s good enough for me! At least now I know I’ll definitely be going to Canada. What about my previous offer? You mean Carleton University? Screw that dump. =)

Here’s wishing everyone a happy Chap Goh Meh. Last day of CNY and chinese Valentines Day. Go empty a whole box of mandarin oranges in the lake, you single people.

I already dumped 5 boxes of Grade A+ oranges. This screams DESPO. Meh

Hot water is like sex, vice versa.

2010-02-27T01:43:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘I don’t really care if you drop dead now, just make sure to release me first.’

Tell me, what do you see, when you look at the sky, if you ever even look at it at all.

I could just stare at one of your photo for a good whole 30 minutes, then look away, and notice I have tears at the edge of my eyes.

tsk.

Don’t ever keep anything unsaid inside. Speak it out, come clean with the truth. I’ve learned that the hard way, believe me. Or you don’t have to. I’m not a good example to learn anything from.

I ran a full cycle, running away from you, trying to broaden the gap in between. I end up where I started, because it’s a circular course. I may have ran into a bump or two, but in the end, it’s still you.

Why do I kid myself? All the lies and forced laughter.

And I want this incoherent post to end now.

Punishment is lame, but it comes.

2010-02-21T19:50:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘Stop whining and kill that ninja.’

So I thought about this long and hard, and decided I should share this issue of mine.

What issue? you ask. Well, no denying we all have problems and issues in our lives. But I want to focus on one particular issue of mine today.

My Singlehood.

OK OK OK…before you roll your eyes or give me that ‘Oh what the F, dam lame la you lichung.’, let me make this clear: I AM NOT COMPLAINING, MOANING OR WHINING ABOUT IT. I’m just here to blog about some of my…opinions about this matter.

Now, I’ve discussed this status of mine with countless of friends. There’s a saying that goes: ‘If your friends say it’s like that, so it is. If they say nothing, you’re screwed.’

…

Ok, so I just made that up.

Here are some… ‘theories’ behind my singlehood my friends and I came up with. See if you agree with any of them.

REASONS WHY VICTOR GOH IS STILL SINGLE:

I’m fat and ugly. Simple as that. Enough said.
I’m TOO loud, and people tell me that’s a turn off. Over-exuberance?
I’m too hairy………………~~leave me alone la.~~
I’m Asian. As in, Chinese. As in, squity-eyed yellow conman. (ok so I just made this up too. You can never take me seriously. LOL)
You can never take me seriously. (Too flamboyant?)
Now here’s a popular one. My friends tell me, it’s not that girls don’t like me, it’s more of…ME. Let’s explain with a scenario. Now, I’m pretty friendly with girls, and have more female friends than male. So let’s say, among my girl friends, there’s this girl A who sorta has interest in me. And I treat her pretty well, all that, and chemistry is going great. But then, I’m also friendly with OTHER girls. And girl A sees that and feels she ain’t special or anything, and so thinks: ‘Oh, he only sees me as a good friend’ and so the story ends there. Get it? I’m too friendly with girls.
I’m too gay?

Those are just a few hypothesis’. Well, I will admit it gets kinda lonely at times,you know…without a special someone. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I have wonderful friends I love to death. But it just ain’t the same. Once you get a taste of it, you’ll just keep wanting more. You know what I’m talking about.

What do you think?

Oh well, when it comes, it’ll come. I’ll just keep playing the waiting game. =)

Weiwei’s and sheashin’s open house was great. Good food, great company, wonderful time. Lousy luck at gambling that night though. Pfft.

And people from previous generations get so ESTATIC when they receive red packets or ‘angpow's’. It’s like, receiving one is all that matters. The meaning la. I think now, in our generation, the meaning is LOST. Why? We only care what’s INSIDE the red packet. Ho ho ho.

another valid reason why I’m single.

In case you’re thinking: WHY DOES HE ALWAYS POSTS PICTURES OF HIMSELF ONE AR? WHAT ABOUT MORE INTERESTING PICTURES THAN HIS UGLY MUG OF A FACE?

Sorry la, I don’t bring my camera around with me, and gone are the days where I take pictures with my cellphone. Deal with it. =)

Hiatus for a week. Bye.

The heart is the only broken instrument that works.

2010-02-20T11:31:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

'You got it bad, but don’t expect me to feel sorry for you.’

OK, so I know I haven’t been doing good at updating properly. CNY la. I’m sure viewing traffic in this blog is –10 views per day. or maybe –20.

Quick update:

Jiashen’s farewell at his house last night. Good luck in Melbourne you loud bastard! lol lol.
Poker Night a.k.a Casino Royale (minus the hot chicks) at BrianLoh’s crib. Awesome time with the guys. Won RM50.50. HEEHEE
I finally counted my total angpow money. Not as much as I thought it was. I mean, it FELT like it was a lot. This shows again how feelings and perceptions can deceive.
I have been eating A LOT. I’m not the only one right? (please say no, it’ll make me feel better)
Going to WW’s and Sheashin’s open house(s) tonight. =)

Tomorrow is Sunday, so I’ll put up a proper update. There’s something I always wanted to blog about. Till tomorrow then.

Oh, the song of mine is put on hold. I still haven’t been hit by this superduper stroke of inspiration…yet.

Jan Glidewell once said : You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present.

Kawaii fail.

Please take care of your health peeps! Weather very hot, drink more water! Don’t fall sick! It’s only half of CNY so far. =)

Don’t drink water, fish have sex in it.

2010-02-17T23:26:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘You’re getting old, you know that?’

Hello. After a short hiatus, I’m back.

CNY so far, for me, has been…OK-OK la…I mean, to be honest, I don’t really feel any special CNY mood at all. But angpow’s have been good. VERY good indeed. I think it must be the fact that this is probably my last CNY celebration here in Malaysia, so everyone’s giving this BIG angpow, in advance. LOL.

Oh, wait. I forgot, this IS my last CNY here…Crap.

Well, my dear Cat’s gone, so has my twin VV. Who’s next? It’s so sad and hard to send off people you really treasure. Parting is always a bitch. No matter what good things they say about parting, it is still a bitch.

Same shit, different smell. LOL

And today, I bought my first pair of panties.

…

yea, I’ll give you guys a minute to let that statement sink in.

NOT FOR ME LA HAIYO! fuck. It was for my sex master Sarah Tiong. Dah la lama ni tak jumpa dia. So hari ini, I dah beli panty hitam dari Forever 21 as her belated B’day present.

I have no idea why I started typing in BM.

What else did I miss…hmm…

OH, cousin’s wedding was a success. I was the Best Man, if you didn’t know already. It was fun. Though I still think marriage is a pretty scary thing once you stop and think about it. I mean, it is a beautiful ceremony, but all the preparations, the gifts, the planning, and of course, the nervousness…EEP.

I am gonna be single and lonely for the rest of my life. Sigh.

I’m looking into your SOULLLL…

I think I’m still very emotionally attached. Letting go is still something I need to learn. I wish they’d write a book on HOW.

One that floats with the wind…and drinks the occasional milk.

2010-02-14T12:00:00.000+08:00

Yet another good friend of mine is leaving the country for the sake of the pursuit of knowledge…kononnya la!

Ladies and germs, may I present to you my NoobCat Ng Xuan Xian, fondly known as XX (pronounced Double X).

Dear XX, Meowmeow, Noobcat,

I remember when I first started out at CPU, I was…very lost. Yes, a loud and idiotic person like me, was lost, hopelessly lonely at a very foreign environment. You were one of the very first (and few) new friends I actually made, and I’m really glad we actually met. And it didn’t stop there did it? (ignore my pained expression, you were stepping on my foot with your heels)

2nd semester, SHO LUCKY to have you as a classmate for 2 of my classes. I could never stop laughing at you. (i mean, with you. XD) You sho noob. I get meegraine. lol. Times spent with you always made me put my head in my hands and groan at your noobness, but I loved every single moment of it.

and you know I very sayang you one. right?

and you know I always try to look out for you…(and your face)

(you still owe me about RM60 for that facial treatment)

and I will miss your noobness. very very much.

I hoped you liked the cupcakes. I really couldn’t think of what else to give you so you would always remember me by. But well, food is always good, no? And when you’re reading this, know that I will miss the times we had. 1 year is definitely too short for our awesomeness. Good luck with your studies and life there in NZ. (still can’t figure out why you would ditch me for cows and sheeps.)

We started and ended our college life together. Remember to look back occasionally at those times and remember your penguin will always wuv you. I hope we’ll meet again someday.

Sincerely and with much love,

Victor. <3

p/s Also not forgetting to wish everyone a very prosperous, roaring kittycat Chinese New Year

and of course,

Happy Single Awareness Day (more commonly known Valentines Day)

This is gonna be a short one.

2010-02-13T11:08:00.001+08:00

Busy with preparation for the reunion dinner later.

9 years of friendship is not a small matter. =) My ‘aya’ girlfriend. lol.

Yea, bye.

Happy trail or love trail?

2010-02-11T01:06:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘Dude, you need to make up your mind…soon.’

EPIC NIGHT!

Yes, just got back from Rasta with the old college gang, Gawd knows I miss them like I miss Gaga’s touch…(wait, she never touched me before)…but that’s besides the point.

Point is, the gang is still as AWESHUMZ as ever, albeit the size of it is slowly getting smaller and smaller. And yes, this occasion at Rasta was sort of a little farewell thingy for our dear friend Veevien.

(i tried to find the most fail one of her, but this is too cute la. LOL)

So yea, horrible shisha, shitty rain and and a potentially going-to-explode car(will get to that soon) still could not beat the awesomeness when we’re all together. Enjoyed myself immensely reminiscing of old times. Just makes me really sad to know those moments will never happen again. Sigh.

Veevien, you’ve been a terrific friend and a even better kick-ass twin. You know I’ll miss our random,loud singing moments in college and other crazy antiques. Forgive me for all the shit I’ve ever done to you. I’m going to miss you. Sniff.

(and you will never get over this picture. Burn it into ur brain)

(Aiyo, I mean, I also wanted write something of this sort about Jervis and Sarah Haris Moi. But I met up with Jervis for bromance and I called Sarah Haris to impart ‘words of wisdom to her’, so I guess I got that covered.)

now, about that car of mine…

So you see, it all started when I wanted to leave my house for Rasta. I was reversing, but my car was making this crunching, squeeking, cranking noises when I turn the steering wheel, and the steering wheel was like jerking and vibrating every time I turned it.

Ok…

AND THEN RIGHT! When I tried accelerating, it made this weird WHEEZING noise.

SERIOUSLY, this can’t be right, right?

SO THEN, I got home, parked my potentially going-to-explode car, and ran into the house, slammed the door shut, and please don’t laugh, I ACTUALLY BRACED MYSELF FOR AN EXPLOSION. LOL LOL LOL.

Sorry la, I really did that, and I quite syok sendiri about it now. ANYWAYS, I opened the door and peered at the car.

Smoke. Was. Coming. Out. Of. The. Engine.

Fuck my life ten times upside down.

Long grandmother story cut short, I ran back in, grab broomstick, and used it to prod open the hatch. Then I peered inside, look at the engine. Then remember, I don’t know any engine shit. So i popped the lid back in, and ran back inside the house.

My heroic and brave attempt to check my potentially exploding car has come to an end. Please say I’m awesome.

what? I can’t hear you…

And sometimes…you know, saying Sorry isn’t really all that hard…hmm…Wish things could go as smoothly with someone else…but then again, that’s another story.

The question now is: TO WAX OR NOT TO WAX?

=D My life with no work begins now.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

2010-02-09T21:51:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.’

I AM FREEEEE!!!

Done with the deskjob at that law firm. Best is, I even got a RM200 angpow from my boss! LOL. extra moolah won’t hurt eh? =))

Free like my cock swinging around in my boxers.

my twin and I are happy about my newly achieved freedom.

Chinese New Year is just around the corner!! Who needs Valentines Day anyways? In fact, I think its dam rude of Valentines to crash into the first day of CNY! SO RUDE!

Running on a threadmill, backwards, is pure genius.

2010-02-07T17:17:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘So, when are you gonna stop peeing in your dreams?’

Ho-hum. Taking the weekends easy. =)

Been concentrating on composing this song I have in mind. I mean, I’m sure ALL of us, at one point of our lives, thought that we were FANTASTIC songwriters and we could take the world by storm. Yeah, I’ve ‘written’ plenty of songs when I was younger.

But you know, making up a song is not easy. You gotta work on the lyrics, the tune and melody, the tempo. And when the instruments come into the equation…Oh boy.

Then again, I’m not saying I’ve matured into an awesome composer. Granted, the only music background I have are drums and Do-Re-Mi-Fa-So-La-Ti-Do. Uh huh. Don’t judge me. LOL.

Tentatively titled ‘Right By My Side’. (Go ahead, snicker you bastards)

Think back,
All the times we went through.
Don’t say,
That I wasn’t there for you.
But I know,
What I really mean to you,
And that’s just all you see in me.

And I think I should just ask,
What’s your answer to my feelings?

I told you I love you,
In my dreams.
Because I didn’t dare to say it
When you’re standing next to me.
I told you I love you,
When you’re not listening.
But all I want right now is you to be,
Right by my side.

Let’s just
Be friends, you say.
And I,
Smiled and said ‘OK’.
Who knew
That things would end this way.
And you just walked away.

And I think I should just say,
Let’s go back to where we started.

Yeah, the lyrics are definitely not done yet, and verses need loads of tweaking. The melody is kinda…monotone according to Cheryl.(she’s the only one who’s listened to the sample)

Oh well.

No, I actually think penguins are f***ing adorable.

And I need a new blog header. I mean, it might seem funny at first glance, but one can’t ignore and deny the element of GAY in it. Oh boy. SARAH SHEAH! NEW PHOTO PROJECT FOR YOU!! =)

I <3 <3 <3 Asha Edee Tria Cuthbert! *swoon* She’s now currently No.1 on my ~~Bang-List~~ Favorite Girl List. In case you’re wondering who this angel is, she’s not a TV/Movie celebrity, but she’s a star in her own way. YouTube her! =)

British English and Hong Kee Cantonese? *JIZZZZZZZ*

Now, back to the song…

Ohnomnomnom.

2010-02-06T23:39:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘You need a break to set your priorities straight man.’

Sorry for not updating. Then again, there’s not gonna be many interesting happenings in a law firm right? pfftt…

Went out for dinner with Ee, Bunny, Spy and Thambi last night. Some place called Bistro 8 or something like that. Food there…let’s just say, even I can cook better than them, and I’m not exaggerating. Then off to Rasta for yamcha and shisha.

Speaking of shisha, again, I went to Rasta in the afternoon TODAY to erm…give ‘moral support’ to Weiwei’s shop. Bazaar thingy going on there. Ordered my usual shisha, Double Apple. Mmmm…=)

But then, must have been shisha-ing in the afternoon that was the problem, or was it? Coz I started getting REALLY light-headed and began sweating profusely, like air tangki bocor. BrianC was like : ‘Dude, you’re getting pale.’ oh muthafuck.

OK, someone tell me, what the hell is happening to me? Is it shisha-allergy? Nuuu…I want to enjoy my shisha! =((

I was driving home like that. I’m still alive, thanks.

I am ploud to be Chaineese. =)

My cape is blue.

2010-02-03T22:10:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘Dude, you need a life than listening to me everyday.’

So much negativity in me now. Sigh. I’m trying my best here to be upbeat about everything. Rawr.

What I’m looking for and want won’t be found here. So let’s leave.

And I only noticed (ok i lied, i’ve known all along) that my iTunes has many…angry,sad love songs. Geez.

I’m sorry. My work life has made me a very very dull person. My social life has been cut down to half, and I’m missing my friends terribly.

…i have a huge nose. fuck.

I’m really barely hanging on here. I’m just doing my best to hold it in. Meow.

How do you fall when you fly?

2010-02-02T22:46:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘well,now that you’ve got a sore throat, I’ll do the REAL talking for once, eh?’

It’s almost been a month or so since…then. But I don’t know about you, to me, it already felt like years. No, maybe to you it was only seconds, or you probably don’t remember any of it. I wouldn’t know. I wouldn’t want to know.

McFly – POV (Point Of View)

I never wanted everything to end this way,
but you can take the bluest sky and turn it grey
I swore to you that I would do my best to change
but you said it don't matter
I'm looking at you from another point of view
Don't know how the hell I fell in love with you
I would never wish for anyone to feel the way I do…

Because I hate to leave things unfinished.

Oh wait, what am I talking about? Haven’t I been doing the same too? Karma sucks big time.

And times like these, you can’t help but to think about the past.

Who knew isolation and solitary existence could be so…lonely?

You walk in a field of buttercups, and wish you were back there picking durians.

2010-02-01T14:43:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘…what? don’t look at me just because you’re bored.’

I’m sorry, this is just my very lame and sick sense of humor, but I couldn’t stop laughing while and after watching it. The world misses you MJ. There ain’t no other freaks like you anymore. (oops! TEEHEE)

I am very bored. Like, very. So bored that BORED has lost its meaning. Wait, that doesn’t even make sense, none of this does. Ergh.

And yes, I’ve gained weight, you can all stop pointing out the obvious now. There’s a sound reason why I became erm…much more huggable. Well, it all started out with a pizza…then a Chilis burger…not to mention Kayu’s nasi kandar…

Oh fuck, I’m going to hell.

Carleton what?

Yea, just got that in the FedEx mail this morning. Fucking postman woke me up just to hand me this. =.=

Well, that’s one offer I received so far. Where the hell are the other 3? ESPECIALLY UNIVERSITY OF TORONTO! TA MA DE! ACCEPT ME ALREADY LA! I VERY KAWAII ONE!!!! I WILL BE THE BEST ASIAN BOY IN YOUR CAMPUS!!!

suck up fail. I suck. suck what?

I’ve enough barrels now, roll ‘em out please.

2010-01-31T23:00:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘If you can’t hang on……at least throw me up, I ain’t going down with you.’

Fine, don’t believe me then. Sheesh.

Went out today with Cat and Spoon, and as usual my dumb Ferret was missing. Pfftt. Watched Tooth Fairy. Honestly, it’s pretty sad to see an ex-wrestler being reduced to wearing a pink tutu with fluttery wings to complete the look. All in all, it was a pretty ‘forget-me’ type of movie. Alright if you’re in the mood for a few cheap laughs at lame jokes.

BUT OH EM GEE! TESS, THE LITTLE GIRL, IS SO ADOWABLEEEEEE!!

Please God, if you’re reading this, bestow a daughter as cute as her to me in the near future. You know I never ask much. Don’t let me down. =D

Oh, and I came across this quote:

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.

Well, it might hold some truth on some parts. But to me, once it’s broken, only then you get the chance to see the beauty of the little pieces.

And that’s how I’m taking it now. I’ll look at it as a beautiful breaking. Deconstruction. Whatever have you. And if I come across a certain piece that’s worth remembering, I’ll savor the moment, but it’s going back to the pile of broken pieces.

And so, for me, saying ‘I Love You’ holds no weight to me anymore. Let’s just say, I’m cold. Cold Turkey. Frozen Tuna. Castrated Cow. Whatever.

my face ain’t the only thing that’s screwed up.

THEN AGAIN…

Gwyneth Paltrow once said: The best way to mend a broken heart is time and girlfriends.

=D Hello world. I’m back.

The indigo calculator killed his lover.

2010-01-30T18:24:00.001+08:00

Hi…m..y….conn…tion…s..really……ba…

Yea. Screw you Maxis. Imagine going online like…

…

yea, another 2 hours of unstable connection.

I shall resume blogging PROPERLY when my connection gets a little more REALIABLE!

cheebye.

Crystallize the sky so we can break through it.

2010-01-27T20:17:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘You shouldn’t be brooding about this…let go already. She’s not worth your time.’

I said it once, and I’ll say it again:

Asshole cheebye CHS office staffs and teachers are friggin unfriendly, unhelpful, downright rude, and are a bunch of grouchy old meanies. Diu, how hard it is to chop, sign and verify A GODDAMN SLIP OF SPM RESULT SLIP? GEEZ.

Suffice to say my visit back to my high school today did not help with the negative perception I have of it, let alone create fond memories. I still insist that I am perfectly HAPPY about leaving that God forsaken hell hole.

Pn Yap (my ex-chinese language teacher) :

‘Waaa…lichung, been living a good life huh? (stares at my tummy)’

‘Waa…Pn Yap, you also not bad huh? Now your size can fight mine.’

LOL. No, it was just a harmless jibe at each other. (…well, not on my part.) Congratulations Pn Yap on your pregnancy! =) and yes, I can still converse in Mandarin laaa…haiyo.

Finally got all my University transcripts finalized and sealed. OMG. took me more than 3 days to get everything done. Who knew getting into Uni can be such a hassle? After all the trouble I took, that University of Toronto better accept me dammit. >.<

Oh and I went to McDonald’s today. I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. “We don’t have half dozen nugget wor” said the teenager at the counter. “You don’t????” I asked. “We got only six, nine, or twelve,” was the reply. “So I can’t order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?” “Ya lor…” So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets…

This country needs help.

my sweaty after-sex face…or probably also orgasm face.

I said I didn’t miss high school, but I sure as hell miss the times we had in that infernal building. =))

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

2010-01-26T19:46:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘dude. you spend too much time thinking of a post title. see? now it’s too lengthy, moron.’

To thebestfriend:

Always know that I’ll be here for you. There’s more to this sentence, but you understand. Things will be fine. =)

Oh, and guess what people, I got my FIRST cheebye Parking Saman. RM80. Diu. And my mom had to make a big fuss out of it. (ok la, I know it’s my fault, but hey! for everything, there’s always a first, no?) She made it sound like it was a RM1000 fine or something like that. =.=

this is how I’ll look like when I turn 80. Still want me?

Skipping work tomorrow. HEHEHE. I’m a bad ass.

When things become thongs.

2010-01-25T21:42:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘Service currently unavailable, please try again later.’

meh.

I wonder how’re you doing now? Hope things are going great for you. =)

Is Klang a country?? I think the announcers got it wrong.

2010-01-24T19:21:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘If you got a pear shaped body, don’t try to act juicy.’

Had lunch and shopping with my sister Vivian. Aiyo, sayang this girl so much la. You’re one of the people I’ll truly miss when I leave for Canada.

Oh, and University of Toronto finally gave me a reply email saying they got my application. WHEW. At least they got it, I was worried I got rejected outright when the other Uni’s already gave their replies earlier. Meow.

Well, speaking about friends and going overseas…hmm…I was commenting to my dad that how much I’ll miss my friends when I leave/they leave, and how sad I am. He said:

‘Why are you so sad for? You guys are gonna forget each other or drop outta contact down the years. You’ll meet new friends and new people.’

I was clearly stung, like, how dare you look down on our friendship! But then, I begin to see the little grains of truth in his words. I know we’ll all say, we’ll definitely keep in touch, and as long as we try our best, nothing will change.

Hmm…things will change, I believe, it’s inevitable. No matter how optimistic we are, distance and lack of direct contact will definitely broaden the gap between us. Sure, we have digital means of staying in touch, but then, that’s what it is, everything will stay just digital. Sigh.

Though I’m not saying I’m giving up or anything. God knows how much I love my friends and how much they mean to me. I was never good at expressing myself, so I’m afraid that by the time we say our goodbye’s, my only regret will be not letting them know how I feel.

So when that dreaded separation arrives, I’m going to bring as many pieces of friendship and memories with me.

Forgetting is scary, but trying to remember is harder.

because pink brings out the best in me.

This is a witty line. Please laugh.

Coffee? Sure. You’re buying.

2010-01-23T17:48:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘Sex is like snow, you’ll never know how many inches you’re gonna get or how long it’ll last.’

Good news: It’s confirmed. I’ll be done with that law firm by CNY.

Bad news: I got friggin loads of paperwork/cases to do. And it’s the weekend. ERGH.

More good news: This post is gonna get longer.

More bad news: I can’t forgive and forget yet. I’m not ready. In fact, I still feel…resentment. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because of the things I’ve been told, and then finding out they were all empty words. A bit of a lie, don’t you think? Whatever. All I can say is, I’m sorry things turned out this way. Period.

See the resemblance? No? screw you. I’m anime-cute.

And so life goes on.

Jumbo did a split and the stapler danced.

2010-01-21T13:31:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘You’re pathetic. You can’t seem to let go now, can you? Go fuck yourself.’

Last night…reminded me of those other nights. I feel very,very much alone. I feel like I’m losing touch with the people I truly care about and love. What am I going to lose next?

Lying outright with a straight face requires skill.

Life’s too short, Play naked.

2010-01-20T14:02:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘Hi, I’m the little voice in your head.’

I am bored outta my fucking mind. (again, blogging in the office, coz I have nothing else better to do.)

Good news is I only need to endure this until CNY. Then I’ll be off to Beijing. OMG, why does time passes by so slowly?

Speaking about time being a drunken snail, I Google-d ‘What to do when you’re bored.’ (yes, i’m THAT bored) and I found this website with some pretty hilarious (albeit lame) things to do when you are a lifeless fucker like me.

Blink wildly and then close your eyes really tight for an interesting light show
(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)
See a variety of blobs, stars and flashes. Try to make out shapes and see if your subconscious is trying to send you a message (perhaps that funny shape is saying, 'send all your money to urban75.com'?)
See how long you can hold a note
(Amusement Potential: 4-20 minutes)
Not that much fun, but it sure passes the time. Play with a friend, or try to beat your own personal best. Inhale deeply and then try and make a noise for as long as you can. Earn extra points for making your partner laugh or ending on an amusing note.
Try to not think about penguins (my all-time favorite)
(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)
This is especially hard, because by trying too much, you remember what you were trying to avoid thinking of. If you try too little, you end up thinking about penguins anyway.
Use your secret mind power
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Pick a passing by and try to use your mind power to command them do something, like drop their bag or knock into someone. The law of averages dictates that sooner or later one of your mind commands will come true, so you can convince yourself that you really have super human powers and waste even more time trying them out.
Scratch yourself
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Go ahead, scratch yourself now. Even if nothing itches, go ahead. Doesn't that feel pretty good?
Repeat the same word over and over until it loses its meaning
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Pick a random word out of a magazine and say it aloud to yourself until it becomes a meaningless set of noises.
Pinch yourself
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
What is pain? Why is it unpleasant? There's nothing physical about it - it's all in your mind. Plus, after pinching yourself for awhile, boredom will seem nice next to being in pain.
Try to swallow your tongue
(Amusement Potential: 1-2 minutes)
There's not much to say about this one. It is possible, but really stupid.
Look at something for awhile, shut eyes, study after image
(Amusement Potential: 2-5 minutes)
Another great time waster. It takes about 30 seconds of staring to create an after image, and the image is then viewable for about the same length of time. Fun to combine this one with pushing on your eyes.
Get yourself as nauseated as possible
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Best achieved by looking straight up and spinning around. Try to be so dizzy you can't even stand up. This is also entertaining due to the "makes boredom seem a lot better" effect (see "Hurt Yourself").
Invent a weird twitch
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Adopt a bizarre twitch (e.g. flicking your head irregularly, twitching with eye or busting out sporadic cough noises) and try it out when you go shopping.
Make a low buzzing noise
(Amusement Potential: 15-30 minutes)
Hours of fun in libraries! Keeping a totally straight face and looking nonchalant, make a low pitch humming/buzzing noise and see who reacts.
Send spooky emails
(Amusement Potential: 15-60 minutes)
Look up someone's CV on the web, do some research on them via Google and then send them an email full of personal references claiming to be an ex-work colleague who fell in love with their shoes. Or something.
Make prank phone calls (hard to do if you’re in a very quiet office, like me)
(Amusement Potential: 20-60 minutes)
Very entertaining, but requires discipline. Remember - vulgarities don't make a call funny, but getting the other person to believe a ridiculous story will. Try seeing if you can get them to make noises to 'test' the line. One to get you started off: Call McDonalds with weird complaints about their food.
Pretend all humans will die except for people in room with you
Amusement Potential: 10-20 minutes)
What would you do if this really happened? Would the group stay together, or would there be factions? Who would join what group? Remember, there would only be power for a few days before the plants ran out of fuel or broke. To travel, you would always have to be near cars to siphon gas out of. Best to do with people you know.
Step off a curb with eyes shut, imagine it's a cliff
(Amusement Potential: 2-5 minutes)
To get any benefit out of this one, you have to have a good imagination. Don't step off immediately, build up to the jump. Study the ravine below. Feel the winds at that altitude. Step off and...AHHHHHH!!!!!
Have a water gargling contest
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Put a glassful of water in your mouth and see how long you can keep gargling for. Award yourself extra points for loud and amusing gargling noises, and minus points if you laugh.
Stare at the back of someone's head until they turn around
(Amusement Potential: 2-5 minutes)
This works on the "I have the feeling I'm being watched" principle. Conduct an experiment-does this really work?
Have a "Who is less competitive" competition (WTF??)
wonder (Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Trying to win at this will make you lose. Trying to lose makes you win which makes you lose. Not trying at all makes you lose which makes you win which makes you lose.
Pick up a dog so it can see things from your point of view
(Amusement Potential: 3-5 minutes)
Think about it: your dog has only seen the house from a viewpoint from 6" to 2' high (15 to 60 cm for all you metric fans). It's never seen the tops of counters, what you keep on your desk, the tops of shelves, etc. Try looking at things from its point of view, too.
Pour water in hand, make sneeze noise, throw water on back of person's neck
(Amusement Potential: 5-15 minutes)
Always a good gag. For an even bigger reaction out of the person, act like you're not sorry at all for what they think you did. Comment instead on how big that sneeze was or about how there was a lot of mucus in that one.

I’m gonna try out a few now. =) Heck, all of them.

Oh, and I don’t really blog about football, but it seems a lot of people (the MU fans in particular) are moaning and groaning about the MU-MC match. Get over it. It’s only football. Someone has to lose. Sorry it just had to be MU. jeez.

and that’s your form of entertainment? I will never understand football.

I am rolling around on the table making Down Syndrome noises.

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early. =))

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

2010-01-19T15:16:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.’

I got accepted into University of Victoria! =))

and just when I thought I wasn’t smart enough to go to Uni. Meow. Still waiting for the reply from Uni of Toronto, I hope I get that one too!

blogging from my office. I look retarded. more than usual.

I fucking miss you. I fucking do. I can’t kid myself anymore. Fuck. I’m gonna hate this CNY.

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. So pee more. rawr.

I’m free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

2010-01-18T22:19:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘I dream of a better tomorrow... where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned.’

Such a sad song. Tsk. Not that I’m gonna relate to it. Though SOME parts (ok fine, especially the chorus) brings back some memories I rather not have.

Sigh.

‘Are you happy now? That we’re history.’

The calendar of sorrow moved my furniture.

2010-01-17T21:32:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘You only need to travel a one-hour plane ride to gawk at gorgeous bang-mates.’

Well, Penang, after all these years, still the same old city I remember. (the only noticeable change was the amount cars on the roads. cheebye Burnout 3 like that.)

Travelled all the way to Penang just to take my TOEFL english proficiency test. Now, I find it kind of stupid for me to take this exam when I already achieved a 85% for English in my Grade 12 cert. Like wtf? But haiya, international students have sub-standard level of english apparently. FML.

But, after what’s said,

I think I’m gonna flunk the test. $160 USD down the drain. Thanks dad.

this is how I look when I’m tired.

In a nutshell, let’s just say my ability to read and comprehend instructions are way below mediocre-level. Sigh.

Highlights of the trip:

1) Plane ride. I love Firefly’s air-stewardess. They are…just so bangable. They beat Gulf Air’s girls flat.

2) I still say Penang chicks are super hot. Took a walk by Gurney Drive and I was just…staring…No wait, appreciating, the ‘view’.

3) I had my authentic Penang Char Kuey Teow. Jizz.

Speaking of Char Kuey Teow, ONLY the Char Kuey Teow uncle in Lorong Selamat wears Paintball Eye-Guard to fry his noodles.

Because frying Char Kuey Teow is a dangerous job. I kid you not.

Deception of the constipation.

2010-01-16T13:46:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘The yellow alligator took a nibble outta your plane ticket.’

Going off to Penang to take my TOEFL exams. Wish me luck. Will be back on Sunday evening.

So no internet surfing for me. Ugh.

Bye bye.

I’ll snake-fist your mailbox.

2010-01-15T20:48:00.001+08:00

Little voice in my head says:

‘You are a fucking retard with computer shitz.’

I like my new blogskin. Do you? =))

Contemplating whether I should keep blog link or not?

So from today onwards, I’m gonna practice discipline. (yea, spelt that right bitches) Gonna stick to my old (or probably new) format for blogging.

But content is still the same.

Redundant and pointless stuffs.

I’m a ninja. Boo.

Thank you for reading. =D

Even flowers can’t save you from death.

2010-01-15T19:31:00.001+08:00

That was the last favor you asked from me before…all that happened.

I returned the favor already.

From now on, you never existed in my life, and neither did I in yours.

Sorry it had to turn out this way, but if you can even comprehend at least 1/10 of what I’m feeling, you might understand…or not.

This is goodbye.

I’m a mess when in a dress……ing room.

2010-01-14T15:11:00.001+08:00

Rawr. Just came back from college.

‘Buat apa you di sini?’

that’s the question I got ask. Hey hey, just because I’m not a student there anymore, I can’t go to college now issit?

Joke. Went to meet up with a lot of my old college mates. Gawd, I missed you guys so much. Those of you doing a new semester, you have no idea how lucky you guys are. I rather go for another 2 semester of CPU than work in that boring office. Sigh.

Met most of the lecturers too. Lol. Mr Hanna so nice, wrote me a reference letter, though, after reading it, I’m not sure if he was talking about me or some other ‘star’ student. Whatever la.

Sold most of my old books liao! Extra cash babeh. Can’t hurt.

I want to go back to school/college. Or at least let my uni application go through so I know that my future is secured! MEOW.

Do people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water know that spelling it backwards is Naive?

2010-01-12T20:54:00.001+08:00

I officially hate my job. It’s a bore. I literally spent the whole day slacking off by MSN-ing, FB-ing and Twittering.

Ergh. I rather stay at home.

And University Application is getting on my nerves. Ugh ugh ugh. (air hump)

I miss my friends. Like, this sudden upwelling yearning for their company.

Oh, did I mention I’m still pretty much not over you?

Gasp! no surprise there.

I sound like a 40 year old geezer coz I’m bitching about my job.

2010-01-11T19:49:00.001+08:00

I’m bushed. completely. after this post, then a bath, then early bed.

My job? my work? One word:

BOOOOOOOOOOOO-ring

I kid you not, I have not seen that much paperwork since primary school. Ergh. Reading about cases that I only partly understand (hey, i dun have a law degree ok?), and what’s worse is, half the reports are in goddamn BM. Which resulted to major misunderstanding.

Example:

‘Selepas defenden dah disahkan, semua maklumat difailkan secara rapi.’

Yea, for those of you who know BM, that sentence seems fine. But to me, a guy who hasn’t used BM for almost more than a year, and sucked at BM back in high school, I read it as:

‘……maklumat diFAILkan secara rapi.’

At first I laughed out loud at the supposed TYPO. Then i paused, and thought, wait, this is a law firm kan? Where got make such stupid mistakes one? Then I read it again, then one more time.

…

OOOOOOOOOHHHHH RIGGGHHHHTTTTT!

Difailkan. Di-FILE-kan! not FAIL.

I yang diFAILkan. besar-besar.

‘The plaintiff then had LOC for an undefined amount of time.’

Then all those insurance law lingo. WTF is LOC?? Out of boredom, I messaged a friend to ask for his opinion. The reply that came back was one I did not expect:

‘LOC? Long Orgasming Cock?’

Boys will be boys. Heh.

‘The plaintiff then suffered Long Orgasming Cock for an undefined amount of time.’

Deng, no wonder people want to sue him la.

But heck, I hate office jobs. It’s not my thing la. I can’t sit down and just do work. Made me wonder if Law is really what I want to do. Ergh.

I swear to God, I shall never get a deskjob when I grow up.

Only blowjobs. =)

I’m looking for a fight. Better than this.

2010-01-10T19:00:00.001+08:00

Tomorrow is the day I shall start work, bye bye outings and all. meow.

It feels like mid-life crisis already. I joke.

I’m still really bummed up. This…depression, I can only suppress it. How I wish it would just vanish completely.

Then again, I’ve been hoping for many impossible things to happen since ages ago. And I’ve learned, nothing ever comes out right. Bah.

It’s time I start acting like an adult now.

Mind you, ‘acting’, not actually being one.

Don’t underestimate the power of nature.

2010-01-08T23:34:00.001+08:00

I had an interesting conversation today with a friend of mine.

Gist of it was that I used the plantings of trees as a metaphor of my so-called love life. LOL.

‘Now, I planted this seedling. I watered it, gave it enough fertilizer, and cared for it…maybe a bit too much. But then I didn’t really understood its real needs, and in the end, the sapling didn’t grow. Thus, bearing no fruits. I left the sapling there, for it to fend for itself, as I walked away, dejected.

Then, i planted another seedling. Now this seedling thrived and grew very fast. I was obviously very happy and excited. And when it bore fruit, I was ecstatic. But when i cut open the fruit, it was empty. Nothing inside. Just a shell. And so that tree continued bearing empty fruits, even though it stood there looking all so healthy, seemingly mocking me.

Now, after two failed attempts, I decided to plant one more seedling, but this time, I approached with caution. I tried to avoid any of the old mistakes in the past. The tree grew, and grew it did, into a beautiful tree. I thought, finally, after all this time, a success. The next day, without warning, the tree withered. Just like that.

And I threw in the towel. I gave up. No matter what I do, nothing ever comes out right.’

Might seem like plain nonsense or gibberish, but it makes lot of sense to me…I think.

I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been in the dumps (again) for the past few days. I can’t seem to let go of my past. No one wants to be forgotten, but then again, forgetting and moving on is better than to hope for something that won’t come.

Sometimes you can't blame someone for moving on too fast, you can only blame yourself for being slower.

I tried, but I couldn’t press the ‘send’ button. Sigh.

Laugh and ketawa sampai pee almost keluar.

2010-01-05T23:22:00.001+08:00

I WAS proud of myself. yea, was. Coz I didn’t really go out or lepak almost the whole of last week. Hence, less money usage, thus, more money accumulated in wallet.

In fact, it has been a very long time since I saw more than RM100 in my pocket, RM174.20 to be exact. So, WAS really happy.

Until today.

Don’t get me wrong. I was dying to go out, rather than staying at home and wasting my time in cyberspace. Sheesh. Met up with Aaron-Spoon and Xuanxian-Cat today at Curve. Had McD for lunch, which, as usual, i binged on Curly Fries. OMG. 2 LARGE curly fries, by myself. I shall die of high cholesterol or heart attack soon.

Then, went to catch Avatar-3D. 3D is a lie. Just call it Avatar. You pay an extra 2 bucks for the ticket, and another 5 bucks for the goddamn 3D glasses which you don’t get to keep. On top of that, i got conned, coz throughout the whole movie, I didn’t feel any 3D at all. Fucking fail man.

BUT the movie was good.

One question though: DO THE ALIEN FEMALE NAVI’s HAVE AEREOLAS?

Like, I was squinting and concentrating real hard to catch a glimpse of their supposed nipples throughout the whole movie, given how skimpy-clad they were. Couldn’t see any, but I think they do laaaa…kononnya humanoid species. The only disturbing part is when those 2 up there supposedly ‘mated’ or what we call bangfest in the middle of the forest. The dude is a human in a Navi’s body, and inter-species copulation does not go well with me. Ergh.

Cool effects though. 5/5 for that.

After movie, met up with Bunny, ee and corey for dinner at Bubba Gumps. Then to Library for Hoegaarden and chit-chat. Had fun. (talking bout sex-related topics. yeah, we’re 19 already)

Good company is not price-less. It’s expensive. I’m just saying. Lol. Seriously. Just one day, my wallet has less than 40 bucks already. Jeez.

And if you’re still complaining about the lack of pictures, sorry. I’m not the guy who whips out a camera for everything. Gomenasai. Chiak sai la u. HEHE

Going to start working next monday. Anticipation. Apprehension. Perspiration.

my working look. Fail.

I hope your only pain will be champagnes.

2010-01-03T12:52:00.001+08:00

I, look into the sky
And I have to ask why
She'd go and leave me
Oh why do feelings have to die
Is it all just a sign
Of what its meant to be
Well I'm just too excited
The end of this can be sighted
She's over due for a break out
I better go she blows my brains out
Silence is a scary sound
Funny feeling happened today
So we'll bury it in the past
Didn't mean much, that much anyway
I know that love will never last
I'm, torn up in inside
There’s a hole in my mind
When you're not next to me

So I, hope you choke and die
On every single lie
And this is what you've done to me

Well I'm just too excited
The end of this can be sighted
She's over due for a break out
I better go she blows my brains out
Silence is a scary sound
Funny feeling happened today
So we'll bury it in the past
Didn't mean much, that much anyway
I know that love will never last

Aiyer. Why la why, McFly has to sing the songs I don’t really want to hear? Can’t wait for your new album.

I need to go out more la. Staying in at home really takes a toll on me. Bah.

And why la why, all my friends are leaving already? Sigghhh…separation is always difficult, but trying to meet up after that is harder. Tis thy sad truth.

I am W.Shakespeare BM version, cockfags.

2010-01-02T22:20:00.001+08:00

OK, I am typing this while being slightly intoxicated. SLIGHTLY LA DIU!

Red Wine > White Wine > Beer > Whisky.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I love Asha Cuthbert. I would make love to just even her arm. Goddess goddess.

I envy the fact that you can go on about your life like nothing happened. I want to do that too. Can I get lessons to learn that? hmm?

I should try drinking until I pass out.

Fuck the world, cockfags!

Fuck twilight too!

You need to glow before you can shine.

2009-12-31T17:37:00.001+08:00

So it’s time to type out the most important (and hopefully, meaningful) post of the year. Yea, new years eve resolution post/reflection post.

Before I started this, I reread the past year end posts I did. Why? Oh you know, doing some re-reflection of my past reflections so I can reflect better for this years reflection.

But anyways, let’s rewind all the way back to January. The start of my college year.

Well, looking back, I wasn’t exactly happy to start off with ICPU. Felt quite of a loner, because besides Victor Tan, there was literally no one I really knew. Dread those days (in fact, weeks) when I had to eat lunch on my own. Was really depressed and down. I guess a lot of stuff happened in 2008, and I think I sorta lost my ‘making-new-friends’ touch. Sigh much.

But ICPU people are not just people, they are awesome people. Reconnected with some people like Jervis and Andrew whom I knew years ago. Made new awesome friends like Shafique, XuanXian, Shauyin, Mohammed, Ali, Parham and so many more. Lecturers were cool, and I really enjoyed my classes (except when it came to ISU’s).

You sense a ‘but’ coming along, and you sensed right.

My ghosts of the past decided to come back to haunt me. I lost count of the posts I wrote expressing this particular…regret and mistake. In the end, I lost a friendship that I patched up after so long. Well, I asked for it. I couldn’t see the bigger picture, I couldn’t control my emotions, and most of all, I couldn’t keep my promise. I’m not such a great guy like people tell me I am after all. I’m still the same as I was 2 years ago.

Then came the 2nd semester of my college life. I got to meet a gang of people that literally turned my world upside down, IN A GOOD WAY. =) I would say, that, the 2nd half of the year for me was one heck of an emotional train ride, ups and downs and all the bumps and curves.

(it spells ICPU)

College life was beginning to look like the life I envisioned. I really treasure the moments. Though, there are some moments that I wished I could forget or erase or even re-do. Again, countless of posts regarding this. But as a highlight,

I’ve learned not to trust so easily anymore. I’ve learned that I’m not ready. I’ve learned that no matter how hard I try, it will never work out, nor will I get what I want. I’ve learned that, indeed, I will never be good enough for anyone.

Fullstop.

Honestly, when I told myself last year that I’ll mature and learn to control my emotions, I really did try. But then again, when was my best ever good enough? In fact, it’s safe to say I screwed up more compared to past years. I squandered 3 friendships, and that’s and all time high for me. Don’t tell me I’ll break another record next year? =(

Rawr.

To be brutally frank with myself, I would say, I regret about a lot of things that I’ve done and said throughout the year. I had a lot of happy moments, I did. But the down parts of my life just outweighed everything.

Tis ish sho shad.

In general, looking back, I won’t say 2009 was exactly a good year, but it wasn’t that bad either. Though if I could re-do 2009, I would.

I guess, the only thing I can do for 2010, is to forget and move on. It’s hard, I know because that’s been what I’ve been trying to do all this while. Wish me luck.

On a jollier note,

Next stop, University.

OH WAIT! I forgot, new years resolution:

Well, this has been my mantra for the past few years:

Some things you can never get, think about that.

So, for the upcoming year, I SHALL DISPOSE OF THIS KIND OF THINKING! 2010! BE POSITIVE LA GODDAMMIT!

Please, remember me for the good times, and not the bad. That’s all I’m asking.

It was the violet flower that started the chaos.

2009-12-28T22:27:00.001+08:00

I thought I was ready, I really did. Nights and nights of thinking and brooding. Hours and hours of talking with close friends…

But I wasn’t, never was.

So when it came to physical confrontation, it took all that I had to keep a straight face. I was struggling not to burst out. I had to run away as fast as I could, because it hurt so bad inside.

I am such a pathetic failure.

So everything I told myself since 4 years ago were true. All of it, irrefutable facts.

I don’t deserve anybody, coz they deserve better than me.

I will never get what I want.

I’m never good enough.

Fuck, when I tried so hard and took me so long to stagger to my feet again, it all came crashing down, in just one night. How much more fragile can I get?

It’s hard to not think about it, when everything is just staring right at your face. Moving on is one thing. Letting go is another. To move on, you have to let go.

This feels so familiar, typing this again to end my post:

Things you can never get, think about that.

I mean, who uses Colgate anymore?

2009-12-24T20:58:00.001+08:00

HEEELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I still remember, THAT was the first word for my first ever blog post of my first blog. (serious! i went back to my first blog to double-check FIRST somemore.)

I mean, I started blogging because back then in 2005, I didn’t understand what was the big hype about blogging then, so I decided, let’s give it shot.

What started out as curiosity, ended up as obsession.

OK LA, being the sohai form 3 kid I was, I had NEGATIVE amount knowledge of computer and internet shiznit. (the only thing I knew what to do was to turn on the goddamn comp, and play Ragnarok.) I ended up forgetting not ONE, but TWO of my blogs’ password. So victorisnotyou.blogspot.com, being the 3rd attempt, was my FIRST ever serious blog. (serious in a sense that I remember the password and post stuff up there for real la, shuddup)

So how good can a 15 year old kid be at blogging? Answer: very bad.

You know, I was literally LAUGHING MY TESTICLES OFF while reading my posts back then, thinking: THIS WAS THE ONLY SHIT I COULD COME UP WITH? And then I realized, how much I’ve grown as a person and blogger.

Oh, and I cannot blog with music on, distracts me like-

‘I WANNA FUCK A DOG IN THE ASS, JUST WANNA FUCK A DOG IN THE ASS! WANNA FUCK A DOG!’ (by Blink 182)

There, see? >=(

Anyways. Moving on to my sophomore years in high school. I changed my blog URL to victorissonotyoula.blogspot.com in an ATTEMPT to be FUNNY. (needless to say, FAILED pretty badly) My form 4 & 5 years were very…eventful, which lead to daily blogging, sometimes, 2 posts per day. Yes, I was that obsessed. I mean, 16-17 year old angst-ridden teen given a place/tool to rant as much as he wants? C’mon.

Then of course, what I presumed to be my best friend, turned out to be my thorn in the ass. Long story cut short, my emo phase TURNED ON. So yea.

…

No, it’ll take me at least 1000+ words to sum up what happened then.

IN A NUTSHELL, I decided to shut down that blog, start a new one. THIS ONE in fact. theworldaintemo.blogspot.com. See the connection? No? Like, turn over a new leaf la! DON’T EMO SO MUCH MAR!

…

another example of fail.

I was (probably still am) much too naive to think that I will never ever feel sad or depressed again after ‘that’ incident. Short-sightedness, that’s what we call it. But I honestly did try not to fill up this blog with emo shits like I did previously. I started out great, you know, being a lil sarcastic in my posts.

BUT.

Shit happens. Mostly to me.

So for those of you (very few) people who follows this blog, you may (or may not) have noticed that I blocked public views. Reason?

…

Take a guess. =.=

Yea. Emo.

I was really,really shot down, to the point I actually had to block my blog to sorta stop myself from writing emo stuff. I knew the more I wrote, the emo-er I get. So drastic measures had to be taken.

Yet, not blogging just didn’t feel right, didn’t feel like me at all.

All I can say is, that the whole week of last week, I don’t want to remember nor mention it anymore. What happened, happened. No point crying over spilt milk (forgive cliche).

I can never give up blogging, no matter how hard I try. So I’m not gonna stop, nor am I gonna close this blog and start a new one. (that’s gay) Hopefully, I’ll be 100% myself very, very soon.

A quick update of the status of the current me:

Bored
Bored
Bored
A little bit sad/wistful.
Bored
…
Fuck this shit

IT’S GODDAM XMAS EVE AND I’M HERE TYPING THIS SHIT! RAWR!

Signing off,

I am Vaginasaurus Sex.

In case I don’t get a chance to wish you tomorrow. I missed blogging. =)

Fireflies in my jar.

2009-12-16T09:59:00.001+08:00

RAWR!

Omg, can’t believe I’m actually blogging. Busy mar…and a lot of stuff dah happened these past few days.

So Graduation Day was awesome. Got quite a lot of praises for my MC speech which I still feel I don’t really deserve, but thanks a lot of anyways. Grades a tad disappointing, but hey! still better than I expected.

Watched New Moon with Cat and Ferret, but that sucked so bad, I don’t even want to blog about it.

Then few days later watched Couples Retreat with thebestfriend. Hmm…not a bad movie la, but not one you will remember and want to watch a second time. Meh.

AND FINALLY! AFTER SOOOO EFFIN LONG! I GOT TO WATCH PRINCESS AND THE FROG! JIZZZ!!!!

my verdict:

I still love Disney.

Why? The story was funny, heart-warming, and magical. It made my night. Literally. =)

Meow.

I’d probably suck at this, but I’ll learn quick. I want to be there when you need me. Learn to trust me. I’ll do my best. I’m going to miss you like hell, but I guess this is going to be my first trial. Enjoy your trip.

This Christmas is going to be lonely. But I’ll deal with it. =)

Sox. Soy.

2009-12-09T18:55:00.001+08:00

Today, after graduation day rehearsal, Sarah haris, sareena and yours truly had insane cravings for Domino’'s Classified Chicken, and that’s what we got.

2 Large pizzas, one cinnasticks, one breadsticks, 2 cans of Sprite and 2 Cans of Coke.

Semua habis. We were that hungry. Lots of dirty talking to help with digestion too. HEE

And THAT, was before my nap.

Now that' i’ve woken up, I am SOOOOO pissed off right now, I can’t even articulate proper words. (which is why I’m typing)

Screw TOEFL shit, because of that, my application to University of Toronto is in deep shit. Fuck me silly.

I hate it so bad when you do that. and you were complaining I wasn’t talking to you. what about now? what about you? such hypocrisy.

Kill me right now. ergh

Systematic, So Dramatic.

2009-12-08T22:32:00.001+08:00

You know, it’s like, you realized something really long ago, forgot about it, then you re-realized it again. Yes, that much fail in me.

I realized that

I will never be good enough. For anything, for anyone. And yes, I have proof to back up that statement. (not sharing though.)

Well, I did share this thought with a couple of friends, and they told me, ‘Yea sure, coz there are and always will be people who are better than us.’

I agree, totally. But what if it’s something you wanted, something you tried hard to get? And everything just comes down in shambles at the very end. The end. yeah, belakang sana tu. And reason why that happens? I’m not good enough, so I get thrown aside.

Rawr.

After all this, I still didn’t learn my lesson. I keep telling myself, stop giving yourself false hope, you’ll only hurt yourself. Together now: It’s easier said than done.

Imagine me down here, and my goal/dream is up there. And I need to overcome this ladder to success. All that’s between me and my dream is…well, the ladder.

I have not the strength to toil or climb anymore. I’m tired.

Some things you can never get, think about that.

A line that has been with me since my high school days. Holds so much truth in it.

I hate being the loser. I hate not getting what I want. I hate how I have to tell myself I’m not good enough for anyone. I hate how things always ends up being a train wreck at the end. I hate forcing that smile on my face. I hate the feeling of never knowing how it is to be handsome/successful. I hate it when I get mixed signals. I hate having false hopes. I hate being alone. I hate not being to able to say the things I really want to say. I hate how I can never cross that boundary line. I hate it when I get played around. I hate it when I know I can never have you.

Jeez.

Take a pen, stab.

2009-12-07T11:30:00.001+08:00

OMGGGGG!!!

OH EM GEE!!!!

GEE GEE GEE GEE BABY BABY BABY

GEE GEE GEE GEE BABY BABY BABY!!!!

FUCKK!!!

ARGHHH!!!

LOL LOL LOL!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH

shitfacefuckincockfagmonkeyballsontoast.

WALAO EH!!!

I FEEL SO FUCKING NOOB NOW THAT I WANT TO DIE!!!

MOST FML MOMENT BY FAR IN MY WHOLE LIFE!

I DON’T EVEN WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT! NO WAIT, IT’S BECAUSE IT’S SO NOOB THAT I CAN’T!

lesson:

double check. double mutha fucking check.

I’m still broke. Someone belanja me or take me out please? meow.

Summersplash Rape Coaster.

2009-12-05T10:31:00.001+08:00

I need to chill.

*teh o kosong tambah aiiisss!!!*

Hoooboyyy…I got an emcee coaching session with this dude next monday.

sorry it was the only decent picture I could get of him. (LOL at mostbeautifulman.com at the bottom there)

ok I lied. there are more decent pictures out there, like this.

OK I have seriously no idea why I’m posting pictures of a semi-nude dude.

But he’s not just any dude. You guys might remember him as the host of Amazing Race Asia, Allan Wu. Yeap, he’s a taylor’s alumni, and he’s gonna gimme some pointers on how to become a better emcee for my Graduation Day.

I hope he’s nice. You know what they say about TV personalities.

And I need to get that speech done for the goddamn Open Day.

And I’m grounded, for denting the car. Oh yay. Sigh, I won’t have money to go out anyways. I’m officially flat broke, and this is only Day 3 of my holidays. =.=

LOL. Gotta love Dr Tran. You don’t like him? oh boy, he’s gonna FUCK YOU UP!

…

……

what? I can’t be emo all the time right? Meh.

I will run with one leg if it will open your heart.

2009-12-05T00:30:00.001+08:00

Sigh, it’s already 12.30am, so I guess I have to say the things that happened to me YESTERDAY (though it was only a few hours ago) really made me…no, IS MAKING me feeling so crappy now, I can just break down and cry.

Seriously, the whole effin night, eventhough there was great company, shit just had to keep happening. Fuck.

First, I don’t even know we are still arguing over the same thing. I’ve been honest all along, if you don’t believe me, it’s your goddam loss.

And then I scratched my car. Fuck it’s not just a scratch, it’s like a dent with multiple scratches. So it’s a…dcratches? FUCK LA. FUCK FUCK FUCK! my dad’s gonna kill me when he wakes up in the morning and sees the wreckage…(ok la, not wreckage, it’s not SO bad. But hey, it’s my first accident, of course he’s gonna freak out right?)

…

…I didn’t choose to be like this. I hope you’ll understand, even a little bit, of what I’m going through now. Or maybe you wouldn’t, because I never said anything, so that constitutes to my fault I guess. I’m not a fighter. Maybe I was, but not now. I can’t do anything anymore. I’m just…

…I don’t want to give up yet.

and the tears I’ve been holding all night has finally come. Thank you.

The little ball deflated and did a little jig.

2009-12-02T19:34:00.001+08:00

Say it with me now:

EXAMS ARE O-VUH! SAY IT! O-VUH! (sounds like ovary)

This is so weird man, like, after I handed in that last paper (which incidentally was my Law paper, and to tell you the truth, it did not get my balls like previously mentioned in the post before this, but it did burn off my foreskin) only then did I realize that my college life is 110% over! OMG la. DAMN FAST WEI!

Well.

I have nothing more to say. I am gonna sleep my days away.

…

no, I’m gonna go enjoy the last few days of my 18th year of life. AND AND AND! CHRISTMAS IS COMING SOOOONNN!!!!! YEA! XD XD XD

Can’t wait to watch Princess and The Frog with cat and ferret. teehee.

This hurt runs much more deeper than you think. I’m just protecting myself.

The Werepigs are out to get us. Run.

2009-12-01T18:57:00.001+08:00

YES! JIZZ! ONE MORE FRIGGIN PAPER LEFT AND ITS GOODBYE ICPU FOREVER!!!

FYI, tomorrow’s paper is Law, which in my opinion, will effortlessly shave my balls clean and poach them to the right degree of softness, then proceed to deep fry it and garnish it with basil leaves and a squirt of lemon on top.

You didn’t read that.

Yes, I’ve been fairly emo and disturbed these past days. Trust me, you do not want to experience what I just went through. (yes, 13 year olds adolescence’s favorite line) So enough was enough. Called thebestfriend and had a long talk about it. She never fails to make me feel ten tons better.

And I came to the conclusion that, there are really SOME thick-skinned people in my life. Enough said. And thinking about that, somehow makes me feel my circle of friends is getting smaller and smaller. Lonely and alone? I don’t know.

For all that it’s worth, I don’t wanna care any more. I will spend my time with people who really care for my feelings. Yes, I’m feeling very bitchy now. But it’s time I get on the offensive side and STOP taking crap into my life.

Oh, and happy birthday to my sex partner SARAH SHEAH! I don’t have a very racy and sexy picture of us, so I can’t post any. But hey! Remember the good sex we had. *wink*

Spinning.

2009-11-30T17:18:00.001+08:00

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend…

Ten bottles of rum, still not so hung.

2009-11-29T13:36:00.001+08:00

Hmm…desensitized eh?

I’ve been thinking, maybe it wasn’t any of their faults. Perhaps it’s just me. I’m too weak. I’m too soft. Getting thrown around like that, just because I’m being nice. A friend of mine told me I should toughen up, not to let myself get emotionally abused so easily. My answer? I said, Naw, I’m just being me, I can’t be mean to girls.

So that thinking got my ass bitten thrice.

Oho, the first time, I was asking for it. No doubt about that. The second time…I’m still not really sure what happened, but I concluded that maybe I was too soft. Lastly, for the third…well, perhaps my feelings had no value at all. It’s like, I get this hope, then it gets crushed. I get picked up, then thrown away.

And surprisingly, I’m not angry at anyone. No.

I’m just hating myself for being this weak.

They say three strikes and you’re out. I’m out for good. I’m never going to trust again. I’ve been easy on myself, and hence, all these scars. I’m gonna protect myself from now on. I think, I deserve, even if it’s just a little, some security.

Life goes on. But I got my armor on now. =)

I got better. I want to do my best.

2009-11-28T20:09:00.001+08:00

I woke up this morning, lying on my bed, thinking.

Vaginasaurus Sex.

Yes. I would like to have people call me that. LOL. Random much.

Studying? Hmm…getting it through bit by bit laaaa…HEE.

~~I want to give it my all. I hate it when I can’t make you feel better or smile, such a failure. I want to make this work. Don’t make it another deja-vu. =)~~

EDIT:

wow, really deja-vu. I think, I’m done for this time. Why was I so eager to trust in myself again? What’s my mantra again?…oh, right:

I’ll never get what I want.

Bye.

I shall take off this mask now.

2009-11-27T00:05:00.001+08:00

Wow. You stun me to no end. Tsk.

Why? you ask. Such nerve, for you to utter that single word. Such raw nerve. Tsk.

This reminded me that you’re not the person I thought you were. Tsk.

Oh… had fun with my dear sister Vivian today. Went all the way to Mont Kiara just to find a place to chillax and drink. And you know me, a guy with a car driving at night, bound to get lost or take a wrong turning. Yea, we did, ended up in Mont Kiara after 2 attempts.

Then after chilling, we wanted to head home la…

‘eh…take left here.’

‘Sure ar?’

‘Yes, turn turn turn.’

‘ok ok ok…’

So we were driving, or more like I was behind the wheel, and cars were zooming past us on the opposite lane. Normal la. two way street.

or so we thought.

Because there were cars in front of us, swerving to the other lane as we drove down the road. And i was shouting at them: ‘SOHAI LA! STICK TO YOUR OWN LANE!’

‘Eh…korkor…look at the road, the arrow points the opposite way la…’

‘…’

together now: ‘SHIT!’

I am going to hit the books tomorrow. Goodnight.

you just gotta love these graphs. So accurate.

ICPU. I Can PWNZ U?

2009-11-25T23:27:00.001+08:00

Wow, another chapter of my life has just ended. Only two words to describe ICPU:

Abrupt end.

No seriously, I don’t feel like ICPU is ending. It was only 2 days ago that my friend reminded me: OMG VICTOR, WE’RE NOT GOING TO SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN AFTER WEDNESDAY!

And then it hit me. Hard.

College was definitely an eye-opener to me. It taught me lots of things, besides academically. I mean, I think it served as a reminder than a lesson. It reminded me of things I should’ve done, reminded me of who I should be and what I shouldn’t be doing, and reminded me that everything is not always a bed of roses.

I enjoyed my college life, no doubt about that. I loved going to campus early in the morning, searching for an empty locker to use. I loved the classes, because they were something completely new and refreshing for me. I loved the friends I made, because they reminded me that I’m still a big kid at heart. I love how sociable everyone was in the programme. I loved the lunch breaks, because we’ll be arguing and deciding WHERE TO EAT every single college day.

Yet, the life I had in college wasn’t always sunshine and clotted cream. I had my fair share of pains. Hated the over-complicated assignments, hated when the lecturers gave me low marks, and I hate that there are some things that should’ve have been dealt with and wrapped up, but ended up hanging there, unresolved. Well, it’s probably too late to rectify any mistakes, or get any issues straightened out. Though honestly, I would love to talk about it…at least, you know, just talk about it. That’s all.

But the laughs and randomness experienced every friggin day made everything count. It was worth it. Fun to the max. =)

I’ll miss ICPU. I’ll miss the fun times. But most of all, I’ll miss the friends I made. They’re like, the most awesomest bunch of people you can ever get to meet. 1 year is too short for us, and I would’ve loved to have more time to get to know you guys so much more better. We had our moments, we had our fun. I’ll remember that, and that’s what matters. Good luck to you guys! One last meet up on Graduation Day!!

Sigh.

I’ll deal. Knowing that everyone will be going their separate ways soon. I’ll deal. I’m a very emotionally attached person, and I’m not really good at expressing myself.

Oh let’s not forget, today someone’s celebrating their 17th Birthday! Someone whom I hold very dear too!

BUNNY LOW YEE AUN! Happy Happy Happy Birthday to you!!! All the best in your exams and life. You’ve been a sister to me, and always will be. It’s ok la, you’re not THAT short, just fun-sized. *snicker* Love you.

And so, this post shall end now.