It’s easier to give in than to give up.

First off, though it’s a bit late…

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY TO ASTIN TIAM! haha. dumb dumb girl, I’ve been sitting exactly behind you in class for FOUR effin years. Yes, i’m complaining, take that. Haha. And now, thank god we’re doing different programs in college. JOKE. hehe. All the best in life and studies girl. No pictures, but I’m sure you have a lot of mine. =)

 

Well, life’s been pretty OK i guess, albeit the little…erm… ‘inner'-struggle’ I’m having. I mean, I’m just a society norm, I seek for cognitive consistency, but because of this little problem I’ve been having for more than a year now, it has thrown in cognitive dissonance and deviating my life.

OK, I was just showing off what i learnt in psychology class. =P

Still, I can’t really deny I’m totally over it. But i do feel that I’ve matured a little, I don’t really break down that easily. I can look at it, take it, feel it, and step back from it. Yes, that’s kind of a plus point.

HOWEVER, that doesn’t change the fact that the problem is still there.

I still don’t have a solution. It’s really just me running away from it or just pretending that the problem doesn’t exist. A form of escapism? I don’t know. Sometimes at night, I can tell myself, this pain is really all I want to feel; yet sometimes, I get really fed up over this, angry over my own indecisiveness.

Someone once told me that i should…well, start looking for other fishes in the sea. I mean, this certain ‘catch’ i want ain’t gonna go for my bait. I’m just this dumb fisherboy who’s sitting there, waiting futilely.

To quote The Script: “How can I move on, when I’m still in love with you.”

OH WELL. I’ll figure something out. Time fixes everything. I hope. Maybe I’m better off just indulging myself in academic stupor, because THAT really gets my mind off things.

 

But then, that’s still just temporary, like a drug.