Because it's Sunday morning. Rain isn't falling.

Haha. Dam obiang la, blogging about mommy Cheryl again. Sarah had 50 faces of her, but I have 5 faces that will top all:
OK, I lied. There are only 4.
This is Cheryl watching movie, forgotten that she was Skype-ing with me. Yes, watching-movie-face.

Because she is my mommy.
Because I am bored.
Because I will be dead when she sees this.
Because I don't care.

=)

At times you just want to clutch at what is at front of you.

Oh well, I really can't deny I have had happy moments lately. I just hate it that they're so short-lived.

Here I am, back in my room, lights off, music playing and here typing this.

I think my existence has been shrunk down to the point of being utterly pathetic.

I really hate these lonely nights. I hate it when there are problems but no solutions.

It's pretty much stupid, sitting here, writing these so called shitty poems, telling myself this is helping me and stuff. Fucking excuses.

I can't help but to look back at my life, look back at what I've done, achieved and failed. Really, the feeling of being a LOSER and FAILURE is just so overwhelming, I rather just kneel over and die.

See? Talking about dying again. That's like so fucking lame, but it's not as lame when it's true.

I want to run, but only far enough for you to miss me.

I really, really hope this is just a phase, so when it's over, I can move on, patch up and things can be normal again.

But what is normal? I can't ignore all that I've done so far, I can't erase it, I can't pretend it never happened.

This post has gone on long enough. Time to stop. I'm just repeating myself. There will be no answers to my questions, no solutions to my problems, and no cure for myself.

I want to give up. But even giving up is too hard for me now, as I keep turning back to pick up what I just threw away.

Can I get a OH-OH! Can I get a OH YEA!

ICPU semester officially over. Singing 'Wonderwall' to our teacher was very...off-key. Everyone was singing in his or her key. Mr G couldn't stop laughing.

Us. Mr G.

'Mr G, do you want us to continue after the chorus?'

(after 0.2 sec of hesitation)

'No.'

English and psychology paper over. Was quite ok la. I know I'm gonna screw up my psychology, coz I didn't hand in my assignments. Oh well. There goes the plan to study in Canada. Pfft.

2 more papers!

LADY GAGA COMING TO SINGAPORE DAMMIT! ITS FUCKING TRUE!!! HITZ.FM NOW HAVING COMPETITION! GIVE AWAY TICKETS! I sent my sms when WeiWei first told me. I dam hardcore. If I get the ticket, high la, if not, I'm still gonna buy front seat ticket.

WHO WANNA GO WITH ME? I EXPECT WEIWEI AND ROYAL TITS TO COME 100% OR I SHALL PEI SI THEM FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!

hahah. XD

And OMG! My first ever crush in primary(yes, laugh) found me on Facebook! Omg, It's been YEARS! Man, and now we're talking again. Thank you Facebook for reuniting us.

I fuck care about shits already. Really, I need to start sleeping at night.


And yes, I still wonder how are you doing.


Let's have some fun, this beat is sick, I wanna take a ride on your disco stick!
Because I will KILL to get between her legs.

Of sore eyes and dry lips.

Semester 1 of ICPU is officially over today. A heartfelt goodbye to my seniors who are graduating, 6 month’s too short a time to get to know each other, but good luck where ever you may fare.

To returning students…you’ll get more of me next semester. XD

Exams tomorrow. Studying my ass off. At Starbucks now. Why? Coz house connection fucked up. Shitzzz

I don’t get enough sleepzzz nowadays. Geez

Pencil-dick?

There’s nothing wrong being called ‘Gaga’ by everyone. I mean, proves I’m a hardcore Lady Gaga fan la.

But it gets kinda funny when people don’t just call you that, they start to REQUEST songs or dances of Lady Gaga. =.= so now I’m like a walking jukebox la?

Oh wait, I always have been. XD XD

Now, high school kawans, I’m sure you all know about my hairy-ness. Now, ICPU kawans have officially certified me as : ‘DIU-THE-TOO-HAIRY-BOY-FOR-CHINESE-STANDARDS’ or ‘INDIANS-ALSO-NOT-AS-HAIRY-AS-YOU-BOY’.

Not my fault I got so much hair ok? sheesh.

ICPU first semester ending in another less than 48 hours. Dang, I feel like I didn’t really learned anything, and I have like overdue assignments still. AND my grades are like shit. When report card comes in, I can predict I’m gonna lose my connection. SIIIIGGGHHH

Me stupid.

And me no pictures. Me no life. Life no interesting. No pictures.

Me lied. =) Me loves my english class.

Oh, had a very long chat with my kawan baik, shin. Seriously, cannot NOT love her one. She so cute. LOL. Thank you for always cheering me up.

See? getting sentimental here edi.

Me no motivation to study or do work. how la?

This like, spells die.

Lame/Funny Shit of the Day:

‘You know how like, bimbo’s,like talk with so many ‘like’s’ in like, their sentences? which is so like, totally uncool la! Like, how the hell they talk like that? I really hate those people who like, speak like, so totally like that, like stupid la!!!’

‘…’

Library sessions so fun.

Still miss her like hell. Wonder how she’s doing? It’s been so long…

Thank you for reading up until here. Please leave a comment la, so at least I know there are some sad buggers like you wasting about ten minutes of your life reading this. XP

Madness to madness keeps attracting me.

Got a call from New Straits Times. Apparently they want to draft me in to be in their editorial board for the new youth paper they’re starting. Hmm…I wonder if they have seen my writing or not? I mean, I’m not good at reporting/interview. But heck. We’ll see.

Oh, took me long enough to remember that I actually do have friends that care. Really, talking about it loosens the knot inside me…even if just a little bit. Thanks to those people, you tau lu siapa la har. =)

And yes, maybe I should really kick that habit. Least my parents find out. =.=

Last night was a terrible night for me, hard to endure. But well, writing is a form of escapism, no?

Everything is one,
that's just a stupid pun.
Nothing in this world is whole,
for everything that is anything has a hole.
Looking up at the ceiling,
with paint that is peeling,
you feel your insides being flushed,
or is it the heart that is slowly crushed?

It is all in
the cool plane of land where love does not exist.

No one is living life,
everything is just plain strife.
Feelings are just like that,
blind as a bat.
Yes, close your eyes,
block out all that are just lies.
Compassion no longer exist.
Gone the days when we were kissed.

It is all in
the cool plane of land where love does not exist.

My chest hurts, throbbing with pain.
Not to feel, to leave on a train.
Soon, it will all pass
behind left, just an empty shell of mass.
The back of your head, the hair that flows,
Do I want to see it, or let it billow?
Goodbye I want to say,
but, it is a price I do not wish to pay.

It is all in
the cool plane of land where love does not exists.

I miss you,
like a fallen leaf that misses its yew.
but all these are pointless.
For

It is all in
the cool plane of land where love does not exists

 

It’s a wonder what a mind can cook up when you’re so emotional and shit. Not my best, but heck, I think I really do love writing stuff. =)

EXAMS ARE COMING! TIME TO SNAP OUT OF THIS MOROSE MOOD! RAWWWRRRR!!!

Don’t get your hopes all high.

Classic Kaijie moment:

'*looks at his Big Mac, with a neutral face*

‘…’

‘…you know hor…’

‘…Big Mac used to be BIG.’

So finally the hectic week is over, but still have ton of assignments to finish, exams are next week some more!! kena diu gau gau. Haven’t studied at all. =.=

Sigh.

It’s still hard for me, to really smile like that in school. I really, really thought that exuberance was the solution. Though the heart has the tendency to break everything. I hate having these thoughts lingering in my mind all the fucking time. And I hate even more that I’m thinking of…well, it’s stupid, so I’ll try not to.

No, I really hate all this. It hurts so bad. Tightness in your chest, unable to breathe. WTF is all this. Fuck this shit. I am angry.

Here’s a song that’s been playing in my head all the time:

Boy: Supposing I told you I loved you. Supposing I said I couldn’t get you out of my head. Supposing that’s what I said. Would you hold my crush against me? Would you turn and say to me…

Girl: You’re not my type! Don’t get your hopes all high, I wouldn’t sleep with you till the day I die! No…Oh no…

Boy: What if I were one foot taller? What if I built up all my muscles, then some? What if I were handsome? Would you like me when I grow up? Or take one look and go throw up?

Girl: You’re not my type! Don’t get your hopes all high, I wouldn’t sleep with you till the day I die! No…Oh no… You’re not my type, go look somewhere else. Laos or London maybe Thailand. Anywhere but where I am. You’re not my type unless you’re somebody else. Get this, dickhead, in your thick head: You’re not my type! Don’t get your hopes all high, I wouldn’t sleep with you till the day I die! No…Oh no…

Boy: Supposing the world was ending. Supposing all the other men have succumbed to death. I’m the only one left. Would you smile and say: ‘Okay then’ or still maintain your old stand?

Girl: You’re not my type! Don’t get your hopes all high, I wouldn’t sleep with you I rather be a bi! No…Oh no…

Boy: I’m not her type. Why get my hopes all high? She’ll never fall for me no matter how I try…

 

Mmhmm…wonderful song, wonderful lyrics. Please support your local film and music industry. (that was a malaysian-made song)

I’m nearing the ledge, and it looks dam fucking tempting.

Like a leather belt coming down hard on the rear.

Prom is on!! XD XD XD

ANYONE WHO WANTS TO COME TO ICPU PROM CAN CONTACT ME AND STUFF LA! YOU KNO HOW TO GET ME! HEEE

OMG, I can’t bring myself to finish all these assignments and stuff. I just want june 2nd to come like NOW! fark.

SUPPORT KRIS ALLEN!

His rendition of ‘To make you feel my love’ totally got me. Along with ‘Heartless’. Damn that guy is good la. Adam’s good too, to give him credit, but I feel Kris has something a bit more than him. Adam SCREAMBERG. Zzzz.

Completely random picture. Because my mommy Cheryl very the cute. WE SHOULD SKYPE SO MUCH MORE OFTEN LA HOR??? HEEEEEE

But I also vewee QQ horx? XD

My heart in a straight-jacket.

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love
When evening shadows and stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love
I know you haven’t made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I’ve known it from the moment that we met
There’s no doubt in my mind where you belong
Id go hungry Id go black and blue
Id go crawling down the avenue
There ain’t nothing I wouldn’t do
To make you feel my love
The storms are raging on a rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain’t see nothing like me yet
There ain’t nothing that I wouldn’t do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
Make you happy make your dreams come true
To make you feel my love

For one more time, just one more time. Really, that’s all I ask. I just need it to reaffirm my decision. Yes, I’m swaying.

Why laaa must it be like this? Gotta start blogging about lame/happier stuff soon.

Original sin.

Everything seems so pointless now. This almost feels as if I’ve already given up.

Wait, have I?

Even this blog post seems pointless. Oh, it is.

Naw, that picture too is pointless. But I thought it looked pretty anyways. =)

Forget this feeling. Start over. Redemption.

Is all that pointless too?

One lie is more interesting than a thousand truths.

Yes, you don’t know me anymore. You said that once, even if you can’t remember now.

How true.

Even when I’m walking in a crowd, I vainly look around, foolishly hoping your face would emerge from the sea of people. Then I inject the bitter reality into my senses. And here I am again.

This hurt has been going on for too long. I don’t know where to go anymore.

I miss you. That’s all.

 

but I haven’t forgotten who started all this.

A world of green pigeons.

…let’s add academic failure to the wound. Sucks to be me.

Tomorrow, a series of tests. Fark.

Coz it’s just awesome to be me.

I stared down from the 4th floor.

I’m living in a haze. I don’t even know anymore. I don’t even really care anymore at this point. I don’t see any reason for me to do the things I’m supposed to do. I have to laugh so loud, forcefully, just to fit into society. I have to act, and thank god for being such a good actor, I make through everyday without much mishap. But I’m tired, really really tired. I need help, but where? I can’t sleep at night anymore. I can’t concentrate, nothing.

You tell me what’s wrong with me.

I just want to stop thinking. That’s all.

If you tell me this is just a phase I’m supposed to go through, well, it’s fucking me up effortlessly right now. Can we move on?

Inside her inside.

One ISU out of the way, I don’t care if I have one source too little. Bah.

More overdue work to do. Pfftt. Grade average not good at all, and Mr Colin is not helping by losing my test paper, so marks can’t be added in. GRRR. Bad luck, they say.

I did the same thing not too long ago. But that was out of shame and guilt. Now it’s…I don’t what it is. Yes. I am a selfish bastard. In the end, I couldn’t keep the promise I made not too long ago. So instead, I made another one to myself, and I did not care how it would affect others. Yes, selfish, conceited. I was never the better person I thought I became. Because I want to forget. I yearn not to feel.This might be the worst, or maybe even the best, decision I have ever made, but as long as I can stop hurting me, as long as I can stop hurting you. This is my so-called self-righteous decision. Hate me if you will. I’m sorry. But…

Things will be better like this. I hope.

I am selfish.

Ohhh…and apparently people like me being emcee. Haha. Now I’m the emcee for ICPU Graduation Day after the charity concert. Heh.

And my gameboy color is still working awesome! Charmeleon lv 23. Hee.

So much drama around me. But I couldn’t care less.I am supposed to be happily oblivious to my surroundings. =D

because I’m a rockstar! XD

My self-righteous self is right,right?

And I thought I was one sick bastard…

Kai Ming:”Hey, let’s get naked, blindfold ourselves and jerk each other off!’

The people you get in college. *smirk*

Oh, and I think I gotta stop staring at that particular msn contact. I mean, it’s kinda stupid of me, to just stare at that name until it goes offline.

=.=

I am a poser.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Like, I’m glad I have crazy people like you to help me survive college. Pity we only had such a short time to know each other. Why la Marissa, why la Nari ? =(

We gotta do this more often. XD

World's Shortest Pessimistic Poem.

Hope?

Nope.

By Robert Zend.

I bullshit you not. That was really a poem. Gawd, I love english class! XD

So now Ima gonna attempt to write a poem. One of free-style but with a rhyming scheme.

Do not believe I am strong,

If you do, then you are wrong.

Why do I feel like this?

Isn't ignorance bliss?

Watch as your back go away,

Here I am, missing yesterday.

As long as I am me,

we will never be.

To you, I am the forgotten,

my love is true, but my verse is rotten.

You're not the only pessimist, Robert Zend.

In case the bag goes over my head.

This is getting worse than before.

Something is definitely wrong when you can’t even laugh during outings with friends, can’t help but feel so…sad. Worst is, tears come during the wrong moments.

It’s hard to keep on acting.

What have I gotten myself into?

Look what the birds gave me.

This came in the mail today. Click to enlarge if you really can’t see, you blind idiot.

I LOL-ed. Seriously out loud.

If my dear kawan ASTIN can have a school, government-funded some more, I should have like a 3 campus-large university. Like University of Victor. =D

But gotta stop the lame shit, I’m way overdue with my assignments (again and as usual). Plus, finals are like coming ever fucking closer.

Advanced Functions DIE.

Gotta ‘hit’ the books!

I scare people by jumping out from behind the teacher’s desk.

Shit. 74% grade average. I have less than 3 weeks to push that up to 80%.

I am fuckin screwed. Need to do my assignments now.

And goddammit. Mr.G is back from Canada. Which means in class essay writing starts tomorrow. It was so nice not having afternoon classes. Zzz. Wish he caught swine flu there and had to get quarantined. Man, it’s Canada we’re talking about here. I ain’t wanna die yet.

Uh-huh. Swine Flu.

Let me fall back to look at my life.

FUCK DAM AWESOME! FOUND MY OLD GAMEBOY COLOR! OMG, I thought it rosak edi. To my surprise, I just pop in two double A batteries, it works like brand effin new. Damn aweshumz. 108 games man. Fuck you PSP or Nintendo DS users, I got my gameboy, I old-school, I classic, I got stylezz. Ownz you.

Oh, I’ve decided. Henceforth, I’m gonna start being honest with my feelings. I’ll shout if I see fit, I’ll cry if I feel like it, and I’ll only laugh if need be. But never again will I fake or lie anymore. I’m done.

I am who I always will be.

My onion filled heart mashed.

You know you need help when you start taking your wushu wooden practice sword, and swing it around like you are some kind of warrior. (note: andrew. *shudder*)

You know you need help when you have overdue assignments that carries a big weight, as in, really affects your final grades, and you haven’t even begin to work on them.

You know you need help to lose weight when your juniors back in high school tell you that you’re fat the first thing they see you. =.=””

You know you need help when you need help.

You know you need help when you begin to lose sleep because of a certain someone. You start crying tears of frustration at yourself when you go to bed

You know you need help when you’re staring at your computer screen, experiencing writers-block.

So, anyone wants to help me? =D

It was a good anesthetic.

It was once said that a black man would be President when ‘pigs can fly’.

Indeed, 100 days into Obama’s presidency…

…Swine Flu.

Take care people. I don’t care if I die.