www.theworldaintemo.blogspot.com

www.theworldaintemo.blogspot.com

Monday, May 31, 2010

You’re a tease and you turn them off.

Little voice in my head says:

We have enemies because we stood up for something’

Alright guys.

Twitter killed blogging. Major overkill.

In fact, if you want to know more about my life, just go to my Twitter page, or the little update box at the side bar.

But quick update guys.

Will be heading off to Singapore with my family for a short trip. Hopefully I can get myself a RCA or Flip mini-camcorder. I SOOOOOOO WANT ONE OF THOSE.

And few days ago, I was at the mall with my ‘mother’ Cheryl.

And we were just walking around and doing some people watching.

This is what we noticed: Beefy, chunky, big-boned or whatever you wanna call them guys, like BIG-SIZED dudes, with skinny or decent looking girlfriends walking around. And I looked at myself and asked Cheryl:

‘Why ar, those girls with guys like them?’

her reply:

‘Coz girls like guys with size, big size good maaarrr…’

So…

I’m not exactly PETITE right? So why am I still single? Huh?

 

 

 

The world is so weird.

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Wednesday, May 26, 2010

My red overcoat.

Little voice in my head says:

You can’t make things right when you’re wrong.’

I think it’s effin OFFICIAL.

Canada hates me.

T.T

Sigh. Who knew going overseas would be such a hassle? Bummer.

Life’s been pretty much like that. Bored 90% of the time.

And it’s not that I wanna talk about the previous post, but it’s just that…those feelings…are so real and raw.

 

 

 

You can’t stop what’s happening. Accepting it is hard, but…

What else can you do?

It’s the feeling of loss.

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Saturday, May 22, 2010

Veil.

Little voice in my head says:

You think you know, when you don’t.’

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As much as I want to deny it.

As much as I don’t want to admit it.

As much as I try not to think about it.

When I’m surrounded by happiness…

…I tend to feel lonely. Like now.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Be like a sentient raindrop.

Little voice in my head says:

What is a question?’

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Hello. Recently, I often find myself standing in this murky field I call my mind.

That didn’t even make sense. I think I’m losing my mind. what?

So yea. I’ve cried, unashamedly, twice, in less than 3 weeks. Oh wow. It’s so easy to stop being hyper and energetic in front of people, and just lie on my bed and show weakness.

Why?

My childhood dream got crushed. Yes, I got rejected from my dream campus.

Now most people think, OH IT’S ALRIGHT! AT LEAST YOU GOT THE *OTHER* CAMPUS RIGHT?

That’s the point. It’s the *OTHER* campus, not THE campus I want. I mean, ever since I was 9 years old (maybe even earlier) and was still probably worrying about Pokemon cards, I wanted to go to University of Toronto, St George Downtown campus. It was like, SET. I can’t imagine myself being somewhere else than there.

But Hello to Reality. Funny how one word, ‘REFUSED’, can cause you to breakdown like a child who’s ice cream cone fell on the floor. Despair? Hopelessness? Disappointment?

Sigh.

No. I’m not over-reacting or being dramatic. It’s a BIG deal for me. But then again, I don’t really expect anyone to fully understand. Not even my parents. Not you Dad. Oh no, I just keep failing in front of you, no?

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ON A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT NOTE,

I’ve sent off many friends already. Like, overseas. Just yesterday, I went to the airport to see a friend flying off to a foreign country, beginning a new life.

I wonder how it feels, when you step into the departure hall. How it feels when you walk under the big black archway that says ‘International Flights’. I wonder.

Will I forget that easily? Will all those ‘We’ll see each other soon!’ ever come true? Will I be remembered?

I don’t know.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I promise to tell you when I do step onto that plane, in 3 months time.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Slip through my fingers.

Oh tonight I'm feeling fine
I'm alone just wasting time
no Friday movie nights or romantic candlelight
I'm just having conversations
with the thoughts in my head
all I hear are angels crying
oh won't they just sing instead
It would be wrong for me to say

I don't need that girl by my side
I don't need that girl in my life
I don't want to talk it out
or hold her when she cries
I don't want to say she's my kind
I don't want to say that she's mine
I don't want to tell her
that I love her more than life
more than life, love her more than life

Honestly, this won't do
how is she doing?
I tell myself I'm feeling swell
but I know I'm such a fool
I'll just take it as a new beginning
but you know I don't feel that way
who will take all this pain away?
I know it's wrong for me to say

I don't need that girl by my side
I don't need that girl in my life
I don't want to talk it out
or hold her when she cries
I don't want to say she's my kind
I don't want to say that she's mine
I don't want to tell her
that I love her more than life
more than life, love her more than life

Talk about a sin
was the day I walked into the other side
I would run back in
I wouldn't waste no time
I know it's wrong for me to say

I don't need that girl by my side
I don't need that girl in my life
I don't want to talk it out
or hold her when she cries
I don't want to say she's my kind
I don't want to say that she's mine
I don't want to tell her
that I love her more than life
more than life, love her more than life

It’s been almost more than week now I think. I wonder how are you doing? Do you still miss me the way that I do? Or did it all didn’t matter, like how easily you didn’t remember. A fallacy?

But I guess it was wrong for me to hope. Being on the wrong is what I do best.

Finite.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

A story…that was never finished.

Little voice in my head says:

Welcome home, you’re back where you belong.’

I once told a story. What was the guy’s name again…Oh right, Little Boy.

Yes! I’m not joking. The main dude in my story, his name was Little Boy. Well,I’d like to continue his story, ‘cause don’t you just hate it when things are left unfinished? =)

Before I tell you what happened to Little Boy after all these years, you might want to re-visit his past. His beginning.

Immerse yourself in his simple story.

Part 1 HERE.

Part 2 HERE.

Part 3 HERE.

Now, I just want to say, Little Boy’s timeline differs much from ours. His biological clock I mean. Now, he’s pretty much grown up. Not a full-fledged adult yet, but definitely grown up…a bit.

For now, he is known simply as…Boy.

Now, Boy here lived pretty much a happier life after resolving his problem. (refer to his old story)

But his happiness was short lived. Believe it or not, even after going through all that pain, you thought he would’ve learnt his lesson. Nope. He did it again. Same mistake, same problem.

But Little Boy…no wait, he’s Boy now. Yea. So Boy here, he’s blessed. Very blessed. He doesn’t really know it yet. He’s blessed with friends who care for him, more than he thinks he knows. Blessed with friends with such a forgiving capacity, he dares not to acknowledge it. But forgive him his friends did.

So that’s it. Boy lives on.

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Naw, don’t kid yourself. You think his story is just that? No, look through that stained glass. There’s more to it, however simple it may be. I just wanted to share this story with you. It’s really…simply interesting, in my very humble opinion.

Now, Boy definitely has grown up. And we know what age bestows upon us mortals.

 

Yeap, you guessed right. Hormones. Raging ones.

Boy has now reached an age…where he wants to find the One. See, there’s always someone for everyone in this world. But how do we know if he/she is the One? Boy wants to find Her.

Back when he was still Little Boy, he tripped a friend, and never apologized. He now knows why. Little Boy at that time, was growing up. Just beginning to feel to effects of hormones. But he outgrew that. So that’s the past.

Now,

Boy met a girl. She was…captivating, in her own way. He still dances. And guess what? To his delight, the girl danced too! And so they danced together, getting to know each other. Boy’s little heartstring…gave a little ‘twang’. He thought, ‘Maybe she’s the One I’ve been looking for.’

Boy thought wrong. Because Boy failed to see the interpretive meaning behind her dance. Her slow dance, hides a pain. Boy failed to see that, and kept dancing to his own rhythm, oblivious. The girl tried to convey, but Boy was still ignorant as ever. Cut a long story short, the girl danced away. And the girl, found another dancing partner, who lifted her off her feet, bringing her to heights and places she never dreamt of. Boy looked at the girl whom he thought was the One. He was hurt, and felt a little bit of resentment at first. But Boy, along the way, gained some maturity. He felt happy for the girl. So he continued on with his life.

So, Boy kept on dancing with his circle of friends. His life was a jolly one.

Let’s pause here for a moment. I don’t know about you, but from his past and the previous incident with the girl, I personally conclude that Boy is VERY BAD at reading signs. Yes? No? I mean, people can be perceptive…but as usual, time will definitely reveal everything. But Boy…ugh, he is such a dimwit. Dancing blindly without looking at other people’s dance.

Which brings us to another part of Boy’s life. This time, a friend of his among his dancing circle, bumped into him. Not just once, of course, plenty of times. But Boy was preoccupied with…other matters. (I’m guessing the first girl?) Oh, but that friend of his didn’t give up. And one day, Boy actually had the pleasure of dancing with her.

Boy begin to feel his heartstring playing a different tune. It was a mellow one. A one that was healing his heart. He liked it. Boy begin to dance with all his heart.

But…sometimes, when you give your all, it might backfire. In Boy’s case…well, he got tripped while dancing, by that friend whom he thought was the One. She left him lying on the floor, as she danced away…

Boy was confused, hurt yet again. He did not understand. He lay on the floor for a long time, refusing to dance again. This hurt…and the previous wounds that were still mending, incapacitated Boy.

Don’t worry. With a lot of help from his friends, Boy got up again. But this time, he promised himself he’ll dance more carefully now. Each calculated step showed that Boy was dancing to a foreign rhythm. It was a rhythm that was…tentative. Boy was dancing all right, but he danced slow. Deliberate slow steps.

Boy was determined to protect himself. Never again shall he fall.

I’m pretty much sure I’ve lost you now. Or maybe you were already lost way up somewhere there. haha. It’s alright. For those of you who took the time to reach this part, you have my sincere thanks. I wanted to share a story, because I wanted to. Simple as that. This simple story, in simple words.

But it’s not over. Here’s a cliffhanger:

Boy is now on the floor,again. No, he wasn’t exactly tripped by someone else, or maybe he was? But on the floor writhing in pain he is.

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Boy is reaching out for help. I wonder who will come this time to save him?

to be continued.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Heartbroken.

No fancy thoughts. No fancy photos. No fancy words.

The title says all.

Always. It always turns out like this. I give my full, but it will never ever be enough.

Who was I kidding? I was just, yet again, giving myself false hope. Again, I was just reading the situation differently, lying to myself that it was something else. I feel so pathetic, now that I think about it.

And so again, I’ve inflicted this pain unto myself.

I’m tired. I really am. But I’m more fed-up than anything. Giving up is so easy, and that seems like a viable option.

Why? The shortest question in the world, but one with no real answers.

It’s been months since genuine tears flowed out of me, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Bye.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Diamonds are just like broken glass to me.

Little voice in my head says:

there’s really no point if they don’t it the way you mean it’

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It sucks when you try to convey your thoughts, your real feelings, but that someone just don’t take you seriously enough.

So I ask myself now, what’s the point of telling?

Back into my comfortable dark shell.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Hello, Hello Baby.

CIMG1788 sorry, couldn’t resist. lulz.

Little voice in my head says:

appreciate civilization.’

JUST got back from Cameron Highlands. In the very end, I am a city boy. Not that I don’t appreciate nature or anything, but no, give me modern and techno-savvy environment to live in.

It was so DIFFICULT, surviving with no internet connection for 3 days.

I swear to God, this is a form of internet-addiction.

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OK LA, Cameron was pretty decent. Got a lot of pretty flowers and tea leaves. Not to mention cars and flies.

…did I say decent? Sorry, correction: Cameron was dead boring.

But I’m back. and that’s that.

 

And I lost my concert virginity to arguably one of the most charismatic band ever.

TOKIO HOTEL.

Before I start my rant, I just wanna say, to survive a concert, yes, survive, you need lots of energy and stamina.

May 1st.

Cheebye sexcited. First concert and all, of course I would be la. So I reached OU about 4-ish? Hell, I’ve never seen so many teenagers that are so confused with life in one place. Black shirt. Black jeans. Black nails. Black scarf. Black over-coat. Black eye-liner. Black underwear. Black shoelaces. Black hair. Black belt. Black man…oops.

And what was I wearing?

A BLACK and WHITE checkered shirt I got from Cotton-On. So I guess that makes me HALF-confused with life.

ANYWAYS.

Met up with Emily, Justin and Kristle. And we decided to join the ‘line’ at the Tokio Hotel gate. Fuck, more like squish-fest la. It was HOT AND STUFFY, and no thanks to the over-excited bitches who kept shoving and pushing me that I had to stand literally with bended knees and almost tip-toe. Ergh. AND THANK YOU GOD for showering us with Sky Juice…for 10 mins. So we were drenched with sweat, rain water and other people’s sweat…

…for almost 3 hours straight.

Endurance, endurance,endurance.

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CIMG1682 and this dude just couldn’t stop shouting…at an empty stage.

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CIMG1687 I like this picture for some reason. =)

So if you can’t tell already, it was really packed. I mean, it’s inevitable to sweat in Malaysian’s weather, but what’s worse than sweating like air tangki bocor, is when you got another dude’s sweat and smell all over you. Now, I love my indian machas, in fact, I have a few good indian bro’s and sis’s. BUT the indian dude who smelled SOOOOO BAD, just had to stand next to me. Ugh.

Pop Shuvit and Bunkface opened the concert. Pop Shuvit…OK LA. Only Marabahaya cranked up the crowd a bit. Bunkface was OK-OK, though I kesian them when they were playing ‘Through My Window’, the PA system fucked them up.

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If you can’t see, that’s Tokio Hotel’s frontman Bill Kaulitz. Thanks confused-in-life bugger with black nails for spoiling the shot. (see what I mean?)

I didn’t take many pictures of Tokio Hotel performing, instead, I filmed a lot of short clips of them performing. Hell, they were just AWESOME. Seriously, they sounded as good as the album, if not any better. Bill has just so much on-stage persona, and a killer voice to match.

Though I still can’t really understand his slightly-feminine movements, like his hand-flailing and knee-shaking…thingy. *shrug*

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Tom Kaulitz. Bill’s awesome guitarist twin.

AND THEY ENDED THE WHOLE CONCERT WITH THEIR OH-SO-AWESOME HIT, ‘MONSOON’…

…IN GERMAN! Durch Den Monsun. XD

Heck of a concert. Too bad it was a bit short.

My next concert? Has to be Mcfly of Lady Gaga. =)

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Like a Phantomrider.

a short update:

Just got back from Tokio Hotel! They deserve a full post, but I’m just gonna say this,

THEY ARE ABSO-FUCKIN-LUTELY AMAZING!

Going to Cameron tomorrow for 3 days. Then I’ll do a proper update on the band that made me lose my concert virginity. When they popped my ‘cherry’, it didn’t hurt, but it sure as hell was AWESOME.

Oh, and I probably shouldn’t say this too, but…

TEEHEE.

bye. See you on Wednesday.