I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed.

HEE HEE! Did that scare you? No? Chill la…I’m not turning emo. That was just me after the Halloween Eve Party in Taylors.

Today,

I realized that chinese taxi drivers are still the best.

I realized that I am really a lazy bastard, after seeing my friends working so hard on a project.

I realized that my pants, once fitted snugly, now feels effin TIGHT.

I realized I only had 2 curry puffs, one coke and a cupcake for the WHOLE DAY.

I realized just 10 minutes ago, I AM HUNGRY.

I realized that ICPU lecturers can come up with the whackiest Halloween costume ever.

I realized that I actually look pretty cool in white contact lenses, if I may say so myself. HEE.

I realized that I still sweat A LOT. (‘a lot’ is an under-statement)

I realized that not many people care about Halloween. Whatever, HAPPY HALLOWEEN PEOPLE!

I realized that I did not get any candy during the Halloween Eve party. WTF man.

I realized that after typing this for about 15 mins…

IT IS ANDREW TAN WEI AUN’s 18th BIRTHDAY!

Happy Birthday Mr President. Best wishes and stuff. You did a great job with the party.

I realized that I didn’t give credits to those who helped organize the party too!

So, to all those involved (lazy to find out one by one who did what and what) thanks for making the party happen. =) Great job people!

I realized that I still have my eyeliner on…(omg it won’t come off it won’t come off it' won’t come off!)

I also realized that I was a fool for trying to believe. Deep down, I knew it was too good to be true. So all of it was a lie, a stupid fantasy. TBC kononnya. I’ll be the old me you once knew, for old times sake, for the remaining 1 month plus. Because after this, I’ll make sure that staying away from you is my top priority. I promise that you won’t even catch a glimpse of the real, honest side of me again. I’ve had enough. I don’t want to keep smacking my face on the hard floor every time I fall. It hurts pretty bad, but you wouldn’t know. Those small tears were not the results of my contact lenses. So I’m going to swallow everything, and be your friend to the best of my extent. I won’t be mad or angry, because I don’t know if I really want to. But yes, it still hurts, but you wouldn’t care. =)

hehe. Go get some candies and stop reading this.

It was a straight road that lead me back to where I started.

I’m not really being myself these few days. I gotta learn to loosen up. I gotta learn to let go.

Not happening.

Oh, tonight, yes, a few hours ago, was the NOOBEST MOMENTS OF MY LIFE!

I felt so noob and failure-tron to the point I wanted to laugh, scream and CRY at the same time.

But I settled to to just swear out loud in my car. in HAKKA. =)

Ok ok, that’s the end of the story, let’s rewind. So like, I needed my gloves for tomorrow’s Halloween Party, and the ones I wanted were at Topman MidValley. Cassie agreed to teman me go buy la.

So I got into my car, reversed outta my house…

WHAM!

I was like HOLYMUTHAWTFSHITHAPPENED?

I reversed into a PARKED, IMMOBILE, BLUE WIRA!

FUCK! Noob test no.1, PASSED.

Then I was making my way to MV la, you know, taking the Kerinchi Link. Like, no problem la, how hard can it be to get to MV? Pfftt…

Apparently, very hard, for me.

I looked around…’EH? WAIT! THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO MV!’

Looked up at the road sign.

‘KUALA LUMPUR, DATARAN MERDEKA.’

Yea, I took the wrong turning, and ended up going to KL.

Noob test no.2, PASSED.

So I was like, chill la Victor, KL only mar, just find an exit going to Bangsar or PJ, then you’ll be fine.

Oh, I should like to mention that KL looks VERY DIFFERENT at night.

Coz apparently I couldn’t find any helpful roadsigns, and I drove DEEPER into the hearts of the city. Hopelessly lost, I was looking left and right for familiar landmarks. None. Because I only drove to KL ALONE once, and that was to KLCC. Shit. Don’t know how, I ended up in some shabby looking corner of the city, like some small kampung area. I was really trying to stop myself from hitting the PANIC BUTTON.

"Shit la…drive straight only, bound to get outta this place somehow.’

Faulty logic and getting lost. Noob test no.3, PASSED.

BUT ALL IS NOT GLOOMY AND DARK! LO AND BEHOLD! I SEE IN THE HORIZON…TIME SQUARE! AHA! With that magnificent building in sight, I tried to direct myself there la.

…

shit, why is time square getting FURTHER AWAY?

By this time, I really wanted to swallow my pride and call my parents edi.

After probably 20 mins, I miraculously found myself on the road to my dad’s office. Hallelujah la! Then found the highway, and FINALLY got to MV. Cepat park, RAN to topman, got my gloves, and zoomed back home.

Epic fail. So fail, my head hurts just by thinking about it.

My feelings were never part of your consideration.

Had quite a downer day. With all the stuff going on in my life, and the workload/academic pressure, I temporarily had a near mental breakdown in class today. Maybe I should’ve just cried and let the tears out. Ergh.

I’d probably bounce back up tomorrow. For now, I am just mostly angry and frustrated.

I have all the goddam reasons to hate you, but no, I can’t do that. Do you know? Do you still know? Or have you chose to ignore all this? I want an answer.

I almost told you I loved you.

WALANJIAO! as if my life couldn’t get any worse.

(actually it can la, but probably not YET)

First, I got tons of work. (expected la, ICPU mar, oct/nov sure ISU work period edi) And it’s crazy la, like all so demanding, and I’m the procrastinating bitch. Not a good combo.

So, perlu internet connection to buat my research and stuff and all kan?

Here’s the shitty part:

My house internet connection, Maxis Broadband, decided to die on me since Saturday. (now i’m at starbucks centerpoint blogging this, and hell, the connection here slower than Karven eating.)

KFKK! (for those of you who still don’t know what it means: Kena Fuck Kau Kau)

Like seriously lor, how the hell am I supposed to finish my shit? Not fun lor.

And I cannot facebook NOR twitter. Not fun lor.

AND THEN, add on with the pressure of Uni applications.

plus some things in my life going on now is like…drama-mama la. I’ve got to get my bearings right.

BUT all is not so murky.

At least we get to perform for the Halloween Night this friday! looking forward to that.

And hor, I really think I should keep a notepad of some sort in my pocket. Coz at random times of the day, I get these crazy thoughts that I tell myself I have to blog about. But when I start blogging, I forgot all of them. Hence, my blog is as dull as my grandma.

But haiya, it’s not like I’m some super duper awesome blogger who has to blog to entertain his/her readers right?

So this post shall end right now.

No, that was a joke…I’m also a comedian.

LOL. I can’t remember when was the last time I had so much fun watching a movie.

Especially when a crazy girl laughing her head off like some demented child high on sugar. Sheesh.

A really fun movie to watch, childishly stupid, but still entertaining. HUGE dose of WTF moments of randomness ensured.

‘GUMMI BEARS!! COME PLAY WITH US! PLAY WITH US! EAT US! GOBBLE US UP!!’

Rating: 4/5.

Worth a re-watch? hmm…I don’t know. I wouldn’t mind. XD

helo, how’re you doing? I know I shouldn’t ask, but then…oh well. After today, I won’t be seeing you again right? I hope you’ll do well in whatever you do in the future. Take care now.

Do bee do bee do.

because SOME people said my blog was too emo. sheesh.

Lol.

Not that I don’t want to blog about funny and interesting things, I mean, a lot of those happens in my daily life. It’s just that, they’re more spur of the moment funniness. Macam lidat la. Deno how to explain.

I like my new underwear though.

And I’m afraid. That’s all.

There, MANA ADA EMO LA? HAIYO!

I got tons of work, but I don’t want to do them. It’s like, when a fat and ugly prostitute asks you to fuck her, dam turn off right? Same thing,really.

Will update on Cambodia during the weekend la. Busy as hell. No wait, just lazy. Hee.

Faint echoes that I won’t catch, actions speak louder than words.

I’m trying really hard here, but what’s the point? There was never ever a point to begin with.

I can’t stay mad at you forever, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling hurt.

I hate hanging halfway like this.

 

Sorry. Emo coz i’m still tired from my Cambodia trip. I think I shall go to sleep. I’m not thinking straight. Bye bye.

Fine wine on the terrace watching kids sniff glue.

BACK FROM CAMBODIA!!!

Overall trip experience…was totally rad, a bomb.

Rate : 3.95/5

I can’t seem to give it a 4, but I’ll explain that later with a full update on the trip with the pictures, after I compile them and stuff. Also gonna finish editing that documentary me and jimmy did. Gonna be awesome yo!!

All I can say now is: Cambodia’s weather makes Malaysia seem like it’s winter everyday.

BEFORE THE CLOCK STRIKES 12 TONIGHT!

HAPPY FRIGGIN OMGWTFBBQ 18th SMASHING BIRTHDAY TO CHOONG SHIN YUEH!!!

Ok la, definitely not our best picture, BUT FEEL THE LOVE BABEH!

There are some people who you can just…TRUST. And I’m really happy to say that Shin is one of those few. May you ever get prettier and hotter by the day, get smarter, get a/the guy of your dreams, be lamer and all stuff you can imagine. I heart you loads. Words fail me, but you feel me.

XD XD XD

Taking that plane, hope it won’t come back.

I’m off to Cambodia tomorrow yo! School trip to tengok tengok Phnom Penh and see the killing fields, where apparently some rebel alliance or some shit lidat butt-raped those intellectual peoples like doctors, teachers and reporters, coz they felt they were too smart to be butt-raped.

Ok I lied. They just got killed. Mass genocide.

Well, I doubt I’ll be blogging when I’m there la, unless the place really that SIEN only I go find a cybercafe and connect with you people. (hint: twitter)

So gonna go on hiatus for 3 to 4 days. At least I know this blog has A avid reader, goes by the name of KP…so yea, dun be so disappointed la. hee.

Till then, to my avid readers, ta~ta. Ima go learn how to speak Cambodian now.

Yes, becoz I am damn hot. That’s my great-grand-daddy. No, it’s just me.

My heart is iced. Don’t bother trying to thaw it.

HAHA.

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

@cassystar.

LMAO! you make me laugh so hard. XD

HENIWAYS!

SHO LAZYYYY LAA!!! I want to give myself a mental kick *screws up face, jolts head backwards* for not doing my ISU’s or CCA. Wait, forget about doing, i need to START first!!

GIVE ME MOTIVATION!!! SOMEONE!!

I don’t even know why I bother anymore. Do I even care?

yes.

Ergh, it'’s like, I see a hole, a deep one. I know I should stay away from it, to prevent myself falling into it la obviously. But when I look down into the hole, I see something glimmering. After much deliberation, I jumped down, with expectations to find something. I hit rock solid bottom, find out that the shiny thing is actually just a reflection of the sun in a small puddle of muddy water. So now I’m here, in this hole, trying to find my way out.

SOMETHING LIDAT LA! LOL omg I suck at this.

I deserve a bloody Oscar. That’s all I’m saying.

Chocolate bar and chocolate beam.

Statement of the day:

‘Victor, you have a turn-on face.’

LAWL! The weirdest compliment I ever heard. But yea, EGO BOOST LA! HAHAAHAH shit, perasan sial. XD

OMG, I’m into the McFly craze again. Not that it ever ended la, just sorta…tawar for a while. Got Gaga and others mar…

Now I’m listening to some of their old songs I never heard before and I tell you, AWESOME PAWSOME!

‘Coz you've got everything that I want,
And I just cant explain so,
Help me babe, I gotta get over you!’

‘Why do you build me up (build me up) Buttercup, baby
Just to let me down (let me down) and mess me around
And then worst of all (worst of all) you never call, baby
When you say you will (say you will) but I love you still
I need you (I need you) more than anyone, darlin'
You know that I have from the start
So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart!’

McFly FTW! Where’s the next album guys?????

seriously, why do I even bother anymore? Never been so repulsed,disgusted, disappointed…list goes on.

Cambodia in 2 days! =D

ISU’s and CCA? BELUM START! GOOD JOB VICTOR!! =.=

Don’t worry blog, Twitter is just a fling. You still my main boo. HEE. (oh look, 443 tweets edi)

Rawr still means I love you. But is the meaning still there?

I’m not horny. I’m just sexually focused.

Even when today you woke at 10.30am, still feeling BLARDY tired.

Even when you were sitting in your chair, thinking about how your dreams turned sour.

Even when you were grouchy and moody the whole day, you vented it out on your mom. (sowee)

Even when you had to go have lunch ALL ALONE.

Even when you went to the mall to get some shopping done, but ended up coming home empty-handed.

Even when you are still frustrated you can get the necessary stuff for your Halloween costume/get-up.

Even when you’ve been sweating the whole day at home, even after 3 baths.

Even when you had to deal with CRAPPY internet connection.

Even when you can’t think of anything else to write with ‘Even when’

 

…

trust thebestfriend to make your day. XD

Was going through a not-so-happy Sunday when I got an SMS from thebestfriend, Shin.

‘Omg I was steaming sausages. I opened d lid to find 3 huge penises. Coz they expanded. Very scary.’

ROFLMAO! Don’t kill me shin, for sharing, but you totally got me doing my crazy Victor laugh.

But that’s not all…minutes later…

‘N then I watched them shrink.’

 

Love love love…

Enter a post title? Screw this.

It's too late baby, there's no turning around
I've got my hands in my pocket and my head in a cloud
This is how I do
When I think about you
I never thought that you could break me apart
I keep a sinister smile and a hold of my heart
You want to get inside
Then you can get in line
But not this time
Cause you caught me off guard
Now I'm running and screaming
I feel like a hero and you are my heroine
I won't try to philosophize
I'll just take a deep breath and I'll look in your eyes
This is how I feel
And it's so surreal
I got a closet filled up to the brim
With the ghosts of my past and the skeletons
And I don't know why
You'd even try
But I won't lie
You caught me off guard
Now I'm running and screaming
I feel like a hero and you are my heroine
Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?
And I feel a weakness coming on
Never felt so good to be so wrong
Had my heart on lockdown
And then you turned me around
I'm feeling like a new born child
Every time I get a chance to see you smile
It's not complicated
I was so jaded
And you caught me off guard
Now I'm running and screaming
I feel like a hero and you are my heroine
Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?
(I feel like a hero and you are my heroine)
And I feel a weakness coming on
Never felt so good to be so wrong
Had my heart on lockdown
And then you turned me around
(Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?)
I'm feeling like a new born child
Every time I get a chance to see you smile
It's not complicated
I was so jaded
(I feel like a hero and you are my heroine)
And I feel a weakness coming on
Never felt so good to be so wrong
Had my heart on lockdown
And then you turned me around
(Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?)
I'm feeling like a new born child
Every time I get a chance to see you smile
It's not complicated
I was so jaded

And so, another lesson learned.

Thinking back, yes, I wasn’t mature enough, filled with my self-righteousness and selfishness. That was a lesson that was dearly bought, one i shall always rue, but one I will always remember.

Now, enter the second lesson.

I’ve learned not to open my heart up that easily anymore. I’ve learned not to trust so easily. I’ve learned not to hope. I’ve learned that I’ve learned…that I will always be the same.

But was it a lesson worth learning? I don’t know.

All I know is, you will never ever get to see the real,honest side of me anymore.

Because I will never know what was true and what wasn’t. I was a fool. I was wrong.

But…if this is wrong, then I don’t want to be right.

However, I’ll take what was given and treasure it. Even if it was a dream, it was still a sweet one while it lasted. I thought I finally could turn my life around, but that was just foolish wishing. Forget the hurt, because my first lesson made me stronger.

I will remember this…and forget it.

So, time to put back on that smile, and get on with my life.

LMAO. someone PLEASE make me that shirt.

Yay for sausage and bun.

The little voice inside my head says:

‘You’ve been telling yourself ‘no’ all this time, that if you hear ‘no’ from someone else, it gets scarier. That, my friend, is what we call fear of rejection.’

HULLOOOOOOO~~~

Corey, if you’re reading this, your publicity officers EPICLY FAILED!

I had no idea there was a carnival going on until I saw it TODAY!

My Law marks are back up to 87%!! *does a little jig* I want 90% though, mwahaha, greedy much.

I’ve decided, to keep all those… ‘thoughts’ of mine locked up. No point bringing my miseries or troubles to others. I’m gonna do my best to put a smile on my face everyday from now on, and hopefully, put a smile on other people’s faces too. Cheesy much, I know, but bear with me.

It’s the least I can do. since the second time is as bad as the first.

Therefore, I shall end this blog. (for now) Yes, abruptness. But who cares. Bye.

This is a very short blog post title.

The little voice in my head says today:

‘Fuh-duh-duh-da-duh-duh-da-duh-duh…’

Heh.

I really, like, seriously very seriously, like, could never be more serious about my sexuality seriously, need to START doing my assignments. I don’t want to screw up another semester, because University applications are freaking me out, big time.

I smiled, but couldn’t find any words to say. you understand. =)

Sigh.

Everything aside, I still hate locking myself up at night, faced with these endless thoughts.

Oh crap, I need to shit.

Random quote of the day:

‘I’m a BIM-LA! *snaps finger, retracts hand, wiggles finger vigorously.*’

Yes, you pull it, then you pierce through it. Yes, nipple hurts.

The little voice in my head says:

‘Wtf are you doing now assho?’

Moment of the day:

So I was walking back home after college. As I passed the guard house, the guard like greeted me la, and then he saw my Wolverine shirt. And then he went like:

‘EEEHHHH (indian slang)…Ini ar…itu BATMAN! *does pointy thingy with his fingers,putting them on his head*’

LMAO. I swear to God it was FARNY as hell I had to walk away damn fast before I burst out laughing. BU11 Guards FTW.

not once, but twice in a day. sheesh.

keep me hanging on. The things i say tend to hurt people, so silence is my only way to protect myself and others…

I jump on stars, then a cape appears and off I go.

For some effin retarded reason,

the song ‘Jenny’ by Click 5 is playing in my head. Wtf.

Talk about random…or is it? Meh.

Nothing beats thebestfriend. When you just need someone to be there to listen to all the shit you have holed up in your head. Yowza. Say Charlie. HEHE

 

I am too full again. At this rate, I won’t be able to do high kicks anymore. ERGH.

That warmth…that gentle pressure on my shoulder…dammit, I want that now so bad.

My blog has been filled with random photos. Need to start using my camera more often now, it’s sitting there collecting dust.

And an image of a squirrel on crack just zoomed past my lil mind.

The polaroid camera took things I didn’t want to see. Hoova.

not yet…

not yet…

The little voice in my head says to me:

‘Hi, I’m the little voice in your head.’

=.=" ok…let’s try that again…

I always welcome the weekends, no matter what. Heh. Had Open House makans at Sarah Haris Moi’s crib. Her mom makes orgasmic rendang. Hands down. I don’t care about the weight gain shit. Lol. dieded.

pick me up, throw me down.

Walan…sibeh lots of work la…World Issues Conference/Workshop stuff, English ISU essay, and now Law CCA essay…ERGGGHHHHH!! And i think I failed my Moral quiz today. Shit. I can’t even remember what was the last line of our Rukun negara.

so many things I want to say. But I’ll just let that moment stay.

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare.

Haha.

Yeah, I guess I do love the talks we have sometimes.

And,

we get kicks watching a gory film about mass genocide. Go ICPU. =.=”

ok, random much. Like always.

 

oops, guess I’m still a lil too not over you. My bad for walking in.

I have got to stop quoting song lyrics.

SARAH HARIS MOI’S RAYA OPEN HOUSE IS TOMORROWZZZ!!! Can’t wait. Hee. Rendang.

 

and i’m so fucking pathetic. I hate myself for feeling like this. Just when I told myself to give up, i pick myself up again just to fall flat on my face once more. i hate myself so much now, I don’t know if i can hate anyone else more.