2008.Game Over. 2009. Play Again.

So it’s that time of the year again. I see people saying that it’s time to throw away the past and move on to grasp the future. But then, what is a future without the past? Can you ever so nonchalantly forget everything that has happened to you?

No, for me, i will always forever look back. But not with regret anymore. I’ll look back and tell myself: ‘Oh, what a loser and idiot i was, ok, not gonna do that again.’ I’ll look back and tell myself: ‘Hey, that was a priceless moment. I’ll never forget that, maybe i should create more moments like that this year.’ I’ll look back and tell myself: ‘she deserves better than me.’

I left high school with regret and self-pity. It’s true, i really want to relive that day again, but with a different outlook. This year, no doubt, I’ve gone through a very great emotional turmoil. But looking back, it was all self-brought. I know i was stupid. I know there will be dents and scars that i cannot erase. But I’ll learn to live with my mistakes. I’ll prove that i will and can be a better person. It was indeed a great lesson that I’ve learnt.

I was never a strong person to begin with. No, not meaning physically. I told myself, I have to revert back to the happy-go-lucky dude i was back then. But i think I’ve done some growing up, for the better or worse, i do not know. I’ve come to terms with myself that i cannot change to suit everyone’s will. I am me. I know, i have more shortcomings than all the Chinese people added up together in the world. I’ve been depressed, wallowing myself in negative thoughts and feelings. I’ve been there, but i will not be there again. Sure, there might be times when I'll occasionally fall back into the gloom, but i won’t be floating there, enjoying the tide with the fishes anymore. It’s a promise…

…A new year’s resolution.

I’ve also learned to understand my own feelings. I will live by this decision of mine. I will not waver. This will be the best, for the both of us. I won’t put you in awkward situations anymore. I will be the better person, the better friend. Arguing with myself won’t help anymore. I’m learning to let go, but at the same time, holding on.

Trusting my friends is also another thing I’ve learned to deal with. Yea, insecurity. I’ve had my fair share of insecure moments all year long. No, i promise i won’t think ill of my friends anymore, i won’t, not even for a minute, doubt their love and caring for me. I’m the ungrateful one, and I’m terribly sorry for all the things I’ve said or done to hurt you guys. Know that, deep in my heart, i love all of you. I really do. Thank you for being my friend.

It really is time to put words into action. College is already knocking on my door. I’ll open it, and embrace it. A new year, a new start.

But yea, even though i won’t be going out tonight to celebrate, I’m still quite excited about the new year. =) But it’ll just be a tad lonelier this new year’s eve.

Happy New Year’s Eve everyone. I’ll save the new year’s greeting for tomorrow.

So the epic comeback was just a big flop.

So much in my head, so much in my heart. Friends have told me to just suck it all up and throw it all in the dump.

Still, that doesn’t stop me from feeling like the world’s biggest failure.

It sucks to know that i can never do what i want, i can never be what i want, i can never get what i want. Whine much. Sulk equally much.

Fine, i must be acting like a baby or an idiotic sore loser. But really, i hate who i am today. They say you gotta be grateful and appreciate who you are. I’ll shove that right back into the mouth of the bastard who said it. I strongly believe i was a better person back then. What happened to me? I’m so friggin lost now i can just…just…heck, i don’t even know what to do anymore.

They say whiners are losers.

Need a marker to scribble those 5 letters on my forehead? Ok…here we go.

L…O…S…E…R… there,done.

So he stuck his little finger to the world.

Very random post.

• chatting with someone equally lame as you till 2.30am in the morning is weirdly entertaining, especially when your chat topic revolves around nothingness.
• have to stop emo-ing during the night, I'm like turning into Batman now, a nocturnal creature.
• saving money to buy a new phone.
• undang tomorrow. Mixed feelings. Some told me passing it will be a breeze, but after seeing brianloh failed his undang twice, I'm getting a bit apprehensive,really.
• wait. it’s brianloh we’re talking about. OK LA! Undang sure pass edi.
• having pre-college jitters.
• sohai computer ada masalah edi. Where the f is my MacBook???
• been spending frivolously this holiday. No wonder my once commendable FAT wallet now looks so anorexic now.
• speaking about holidays, mine has been very,very unproductive. What happened to the Japanese classes??
• About weight-loss…hmm…well, i actually did lose weight, but appearance-wise, i still look horribly obese. Sigh. Downright depressing mates.
• my hair is curling at the ends like nobody’s business.
• …
• ok la, i’m really bored.

• i suddenly miss my dudes and bitches. There won’t be ‘Eh see you in school tomorrow’ or ‘K la, pass it to me in school tomorrow’ anymore. Kinda saddens me that we won’t be seeing each other that much now. The high school graduation melancholy has begun to sink in now.

LOL! Ok, maybe not that much.

Wow, straight to the heart. The panda’s roar.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

I’m spending too much time at home,alone. Haha.

I’ll be confused the whole day.

What the F is Boxing Day? I’m sure most of you are as baffled as I am.

From Wiki:

Boxing Day is a public holiday in the United Kingdom, Australia , Canada, New Zealand and countries in the Commonwealth of Nations with a mainly Christian population. It is based on the tradition of giving gifts to the less fortunate members of society. Contemporary Boxing Day in many countries is now a "shopping holiday" associated with after-Christmas sales.

Whatever. Nothing to do with me. =))

So yesterday i was wearing the boxers i got from Cheryl.

 

Man, did i feel absolutely SEXY. Went to OU at night with my parents, and i was feeling kinda loose you know? I was at the arcade, and i guess it must have been the power of the boxers, because i broke my personal best time for Daytona. Then, when i stood up to leave, i saw this kinda cute girl, and i winked at her. Normally, i’ll get the VAGINAGLARE, but she smiled at me.

BOXERS POWER!!!

Bought myself a Xmas gift too.

iPod strap. Comes with arm-strap(shown on box), hand-strap and belt-strap. Now, i can jog with music. =))

OMG! one more week to new year! LET’S ALL FEEL OLD!

Santa pos laju-ed my present.

MERRY MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!

TODAY IS THE DAY WHERE YOU CAN’T FRIGGIN CRY OR POUT! YOU CAN’T EVEN SHOUT! but that’s impossible la. SHOUT HAPPILY AND LOUDLY YE MERRY PEOPLE! IT’S FRIGGIN CHRISTMAS!!! don’t worry or be sad if you don’t get any presents, it’s the Xmas spirit that counts. Forgive thy enemies, love your friends even more!

OMG, i’m so intoxicated in this Xmas thing. I’m so happy la, it’s like pure joy welled up from the inside. =)))

MERRY XMAS AGAIN EVERYBODY! LOVE ALL OF YOU!!!

It’s time we give Santa one more chance.

ME got teh coolest BOXERS from mommy Cheryl! LOL!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH! My first pair of boxers and they already look kick-ass.

Now you’ll know what i’ll be wearing for Xmas Day. Hee.

We gonna rock down Lemon Avenue.

I love my Titties.

...


...


...


i still think it sounds wrong, but i love my titties. She's great to talk to, and never even ONCE did she fail to cheer me up.



I'm glad i'm your MyVi.
I'll be reliable, fast to respond, look red-hot SEXY, be there when you need an emo night out and also your RIDE!

hee

Being honest is as hard as telling the world i love power rangers

I might have a lot to say,
or maybe nothing at all.
I'm trying to do the right thing here,
but no one told me it was going to be easy.
I'm not expecting anything,
but anything could be something.
It's like i'm having these hopes,
which i'm attempting to squash.
This is so hard,
it's like trying to play scissors-paper-stone with yourself.
I'm trying not to be the person everyone hated,
I'm trying to hang up everything into my closet,
I'm trying to forget about everything,
but i'm still holding on some moments and memories.
I hate lying to myself,
that's all I've been doing all this while.
How is this fair?
Am I always to forgo my own desire,
just to do the right thing?
I don't know if i can keep this act together any longer.

I just don't want to feel anymore.



i'm still the emo i always was. I have to stop staying up past midnight. I need to stop listening to emo songs.I just need some time.

I've been running, only to find i'm running on a treadmill

i'm trying,
very hard now,
please believe me.
I don't want to revert back to what i was then too.
But i'm always the big failure i've always been.
It's pathetic.





...........

anyways.

HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY TO JULIANA TAN! my very own bitchy bitch who is the only lala mui i can ever love. HAHA have a nice 17th, and for God's sakes, grow up. Heh.

Don’t blame me if i’m always like this.

I really hate the holidays. I had enough of it. You know what? Bring on college.

Watched 3 movies this week. Here’s my opinion.

Watched Wild Child with Elle on Tuesday. Typical chick flick. But slightly better than your average typical chick flick. lol. The main girl in the movie, Poppy Moore, portrayed by Emma Roberts, was snobby and bitchy in a very likeable way. I give this movie a 6/10. Watch it if only you’re bored.

 

Watched THIS movie with my emoqueen, NENLIN. FINALLY! after so many failed attempts to go out. lol. Anyways, this movie really is one of my favorites. I’ve been a fan of the previous Transporter movies, and i must say, this one is the best by far. Jason Statnam can totally kick butt better in a suit compared to Daniel Craig. He rocks la. 8.5/10. I would’ve given it a 9.5 but 1 mark deducted for the horny and super-duper FRECKLY bitch that totally turned me off.

OK…i know some of you might like this movie, but personally, i think BOLT was just dope. It has a really weak and very predictable storyline. Sonia and I were already yawning and talking at the first half of the movie. Zzz… 4/10. Marks given for Bolt’s occasional cuteness and the super friggin adorable Rhino, the hamster. Haha.

Gonna go watch Yes Man! Who wants to join me?

Enunciate.

I’m so glad i watched The Dark Knight.

So back on track, with the pink rhino on my heels.

You know your holidays are a bore and you need to get out more when:

• you’re watching Mighty Morphing Power Rangers Season 2 on YouTube.
• you’re logged on your Facebook all day, waiting for more prom pictures to be uploaded.
• you’re staring at your MSN online list, wishing your chat mates would hurry up and come back from their holidays.
• you’re playing solitaire and pinball.
• you’re playing more solitaire then pinball.
• you’re watching Zeo Rangers after finishing MMPR Season 2 and 3.

I really can’t breathe, my eyes won’t listen.

Did the best that I could
Said I'd die for you and I would
But I drowned all those feelings in the flood
Need to know if you're there
If you're listening to my prayers to my tears
Feel like raindrops through the mud
How was I to know that a year ago I'd need to read between the lines
And every lie and that's why
Every time I fall asleep my dreams are haunted
And every time I close my eyes I'm not alone
And every time I cry I'm right back where you wanted
I try to drown you out so down goes another one 

Living Fast
Dying young
But I'm living with what you've done
Now I face accusations
I won't run
No
I'm starting to remember things that you said
I'm unraveling what they meant
But the world moves on
You're just another one
And how can I go on
'Cause when I'm in the sun I see your shadow on the ground
But you're never there when I turn around
Every time I fall asleep my dreams are haunted
And every time I close my eyes I'm not alone
And every time I cry I'm right back where you wanted
I try to drown you out so down goes another one

just a lil bit bummed up. But i just have to get this off my chest. I’m so sorry i’m being like this. I’ll bounce back up once i’m done.

Cleopatra wasn’t really that hot.

Ok, so here’s the overdue update on Egypt. It was pretty cool, except for the wild bus rides, the scorching sun, the occasional lousy food and damn long walks.

Did i mention that ancient Egyptian’s were hopeless perverts? Don’t believe me? We’ll get there soon enough.

I took about more or less 300 pictures while my dear old dad took about…around 2000+. Yes, he and his Canon 40D. Sigh.

Flew from KL to Bahrain first.

Bahrain Mcdees are friggin AWESOME! omg, the meat tastes soooo much better here. And the weird thing is, instead of packets of ketchup and chili sauce, they give ketchup and mayonnaise. Yes, mayonnaise.

Then after one night at Bahrain, transit to Cairo.

Cairo international airport.

OK i just noticed i’m very lazy to post up pictures, so from here on, i’m just gonna post the interesting ones.

Itu dia Sphinx. Smaller than the pictures we see in books.

This is the Pompay Pillar. Alexandria’s tallest free standing erection structure.

I was on the bus, plugged to my iPod, listening to ‘The Man who Can’t Be Moved’ when i saw this old fella on street. It was like watching the live MV if you catch my drift. I’m so bad.

Typical side-walk stores selling these. Remember when i said earlier Egyptian people are pervs? well, ntg out of the extraordinary of this pic right?

Look again in the middle, from the sideview. That’s a patung of a dude with one hell of an erection. I’m guessing it’s some egyptian dildo.

And Waja made it’s way to Cairo. Malaysia Boleh!

Please don’t ask about this pic. I laughed my head off when i saw it.

Overnight train to Aswan. Friggin cramped.

Our cruise ship ‘Nile Beauty’. Pretty decent ship. And the Nile River was AWESOME.

The Kom Ombo Temple.

Nice to know ancient Egyptian peeps took their carvings seriously. Never even leave a single detail out. Check out man nipples!

And when i got back to my room in the cruise, this is what i found on the bed. Cheeky room-keeper.

Check out saggy tits and hard nipples.

No, you are right, those 2 things are really penises and balls. There’s a story to it. There was this God Of Fertility, who helped men cure their infertility la. Picture reads from bottom to top. First we see penis number 1 dripping 5 drops of semen. After treatment by your God, you drip 7 drops of semen. One hell of a cure.

 

After some guessing, i finally manage to figure out the shop keeper was tryin to say BELLY dancing.

And yes, that’s Amon-Men. He was actually a war general who lost one arm. Then he had to stay in the city while the other men went to war. So women in the city got ‘bored’ and went to this men for…well, yea, THAT. So he died and somehow became a god with a permanent erection. Story tells that his descendents were strong and powerful men. WTF. That was what i was told.

That’s Ahmed, our funny tour guide.

Egypt was cool. But i don’t think i’ll be going for a second time. =)