Be like a sentient raindrop.

Little voice in my head says:

‘What is a question?’

Hello. Recently, I often find myself standing in this murky field I call my mind.

That didn’t even make sense. I think I’m losing my mind. what?

So yea. I’ve cried, unashamedly, twice, in less than 3 weeks. Oh wow. It’s so easy to stop being hyper and energetic in front of people, and just lie on my bed and show weakness.

Why?

My childhood dream got crushed. Yes, I got rejected from my dream campus.

Now most people think, OH IT’S ALRIGHT! AT LEAST YOU GOT THE *OTHER* CAMPUS RIGHT?

That’s the point. It’s the *OTHER* campus, not THE campus I want. I mean, ever since I was 9 years old (maybe even earlier) and was still probably worrying about Pokemon cards, I wanted to go to University of Toronto, St George Downtown campus. It was like, SET. I can’t imagine myself being somewhere else than there.

But Hello to Reality. Funny how one word, ‘REFUSED’, can cause you to breakdown like a child who’s ice cream cone fell on the floor. Despair? Hopelessness? Disappointment?

Sigh.

No. I’m not over-reacting or being dramatic. It’s a BIG deal for me. But then again, I don’t really expect anyone to fully understand. Not even my parents. Not you Dad. Oh no, I just keep failing in front of you, no?

ON A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT NOTE,

I’ve sent off many friends already. Like, overseas. Just yesterday, I went to the airport to see a friend flying off to a foreign country, beginning a new life.

I wonder how it feels, when you step into the departure hall. How it feels when you walk under the big black archway that says ‘International Flights’. I wonder.

Will I forget that easily? Will all those ‘We’ll see each other soon!’ ever come true? Will I be remembered?

I don’t know.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I promise to tell you when I do step onto that plane, in 3 months time.