Little voice in my head says:
‘real men drink tobasco sauce.’
I do not like this feeling.
The feeling of distance. The feeling of drifting away from people you care about.
Feels like I don’t know about them anymore and vice versa. It’s not just the lack of topics to talk about that bothers me, it’s more of the…whole thing.
Then again, I could be thinking too much. But I still can’t shake off this feeling.
No, that’s not me under that mask. The body is though. LOL
Little voice in my head says:
‘Take the initiative for once, things won’t just come your way.’
It’s a bit late, but a very big birthday shoutout to the one and only, LADY GAGA!!!!!
Keep those masterpieces coming. Have a nice 24th birthday, you deserve it. Lots of love from this not-so-little monster. =)
I’m actually very confused right now. With everything going overdrive inside my head, I don’t know what is what anymore.
And that kinda sucks.
But like I always tell myself, don’t give yourself false hope, don’t have high expectations.
Like my old saying goes:
Things you can never get, think about that.
Little voice in my head says:
‘The feelings you hold may undo you.’
Gah. This flu ain’t going away. T.T annoying much.
Sometimes, I get really tired of putting up a brave front. I’m tired of hiding my true feelings, keeping them to myself, to survive in this world. I’m tired of telling myself I should probably give up, when deep down I know I don’t want to.
I’m tired of feeling regret and anger, at myself. Tired of having those dreams of you, waking up hyperventilating and with a knot in my chest. So friggin tired of feeling like this every time I’m enjoying myself, whether it be alone or with friends, that I’ll just bring myself down.
Nothing ever happened. So then, what’s the problem? Exactly that.
Sometimes, you can’t blame someone for moving on so fast. You can only blame yourself for being slower.
I’m tired of not being enough.
I’ll be ok…or that’s what I’ll say…
Little voice in my head says:
‘you have to concede to the fact that all your happiness will be short-lived.’
Birthday Video Project, Codename: SEX was a huge success. Video on Facebook. Go my profile see. Lazy link.
Happy Birthday Veevien, Kaijie and Ali.
Am currently sick. Runny nose and massive headache.
My last lifeline has been cut. Nothing makes sense now.
I’m back to where I started.
Little voice in my head says:
‘the grass is always greener on the other side.’
Hellooo…haven’t been updating this blog for a while now. (well, if you count 4 days ‘a while’)
Project is going along well! Hope it turns out alright. This thingy has been eating up almost most of my time, which is good, coz at least i have SOMETHING to do. Gah.
coz i hope someone would just notice me.
It’s pretty weird talking to a camera…alone. But hey, gotta get used to it! Vlog vlog vlog!!
Little voice in my head says:
‘angfvhosfubvruedbvre…that was me talking to you.’
c’mon! You laughed at that didn’t you? Sexual innuendo’s never fail to entertain me, just like your boobies. LAWL.
Me. Thambi a.k.a NyitYang
‘The world pretty unfair man. You see those ugly or so-so looking guys with super hot chicks as girlfriends.’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘If that theory is correct, must be because I’m too handsome la…that’s why no girlfriend.’
*silence*
‘Yea, me too.’
Meh, single guys punya lame excuse.(we sounded pretty damn sad case la) But seriously, am I right? The world works in a weird way. The uglier you are, the more attractive your partner is. No? I don’t know. Hoe.
Friends. They come and go. Some friends, the tighter you try to hold on to em', the further and faster they’ll drift away…that’s destiny maybe? I don’t know. Thank God I’m blessed with you. To be able to to know what I’m thinking before I even say it. To laugh at my jokes that no one else will laugh at. To be there…just to be there when I need you. I love you, thebestfriend. Such an emotional talk we had. We both cried. And laughed. Wish I could pack you in my suitcase when I leave.
Little voice in my head says:
‘someone once told me I was a lie…oh wait, that was you.’
I hate it when people come up to me and ask:
‘So hey! What’re you doing now?’
Erm…nothing?
‘Huh? What about Uni?’
Oh…my course only starts in September.
‘Waaaaahhh….very long time more hor? What are you going to do now? Not doing anything? No job ar? 5 months wor? you gonna stay at home all the time meh?’
… *flips out middle finger*
Ergh. Without fail. I’ve lost count on how many times I’ve had this convo with various people. Annoyed much.
I’ll figure out something to do. Till then, leave me alone. (or maybe not, coz then I’ll have no one to talk to. LOL)
For now, my Saturdays are occupied by my Japanese classes…Taihen-desu ne~~~
Ok ok, I won’t blog in Japanese. I know how annoying it is to not understand when someone starts speaking in a foreign language/dialect. Like Hokkien. I feel just downright retarded when I hear people conversing in that dialect, being a Hokkien guy myself. The only Hokkien I know are:
‘CHAR KUEY TEOW AR! MAI LUA! MAI HAM!’
and'
‘CHAO CHEE BYE’
=) I do my ancestors proud.
I need a haircut. I have a very sore back. There’s nothing interesting on FB or Twitter. My life sucks.
Little voice in my head says:
‘Your existence is like fart, comes out fast and unexpected, but soon forgotten.’
So as I sit here in front of my 12.1 inch screen (I know my laptop dam small, shuddup), I wonder…
WHY DO I BLOG AR?
…
Is it because I have an interesting life/hobby/skill that I’d like to share with the world? No.
Is it because I can write motivational/emotional posts that may and will move people? Hell no.
Is it because I’m handsome/cute and I post pictures of myself here at my blog to let girls gawk at me? I don’t even need to answer this coz I already know you’re gagging and retching out loud.
Is it because my blog can contribute to the greater good of the world? …I think not.
So I really wonder…WHY?
…
……
honestly?
…
I don’t really know. Seriously. As lame and stupid as this may sound, I really don’t know why I blog. I just know…I want to. Sometimes, I need to. Done. That’s it.
This has been a very pointless post. Yea, I know you agree with me. My life is just as pointless as this post now.
But I want to say this:
I miss you so bad. Miss you that it aches every night. I go to bed, with countless of thoughts and emotions jumbled up together about you. It’s driving me mad. I can’t sleep peacefully anymore. I have dreams…no,nightmares, that involves you disappearing, one way or another. I don’t know. It’s scary. Then I wake up, and the reality doesn’t seem too far from the nightmare. This crushes me so hard. I sleep, dreading the dreams. I wake up, only to find that reality is pressing down on me hard, pushing me deeper into my bed. Do I really deserve this? Yes. But for this long? I don’t know.
Little voice in my head says:
‘Let’s find something else for you to do instead of listening to me ok?’
What happened
after last summer
when we broke up
in February
I haven’t seen you
Feels like a long time
Sometimes it still hurts
But I always get by
I still got a piece of you under my skin
It's always there no matter where I've been
So if I ever see you on the street
I'll pretend that I didn't see
And turn my face
No use in small talk anyways
Because if I look into your eyes
Then I'll have to say goodbye
And that'll break my heart
So I won't even start
I won't even start
I wish you luck
And I wish it true
That's the best
I can do for you
Cuz you'll probably find love
In someone new
I have to let go
Yeah its hard to do
So if I run into you with your arm by his side
Just know it'll cut me like a knife
So if I ever see you on the street
I'll pretend that I didn't see
And turn my face
No use in small talk anyways
Because if I look into your eyes
Then I'll have to say goodbye
And that'll break my heart
So I won't even start
I won’t even start
I'll be ok, I'll be ok
Or that's what I'll say
So if I ever see you on the street
I'll pretend that I didn't see
And turn my face
No use in small talk anyways
Cuz if I look into your eyes
Then I'll have to say goodbye
And that'll break my heart
So I won't even start
No, I won't even start
Can’t believe a year just went by like that…no wait, I can believe. There hasn’t been a day when I’ve forgotten about it.
Well. 5 months. This feels like déjà-vu…another countdown? But then, there’s no turning back after this one.
Little voice in my head says:
‘la la la la…’
After watching this ‘masterpiece’, I find the world to be so unfair. If that guy can get his own MV and stuff…
W-H-Y am I not an international superstar singer/actor?
Screw you world. I give you the birdie! ,,l,,
Hmm? my life? boring as hell. Don’t ask. There’s not even anything to talk about.
Quick birthday shout out to my dear Cat XUAN XIAN. me wuv eu. <3 Happy Birthday. I miss scratching your ears.
Little voice in my head says:
‘I dream of the day when you start listening to me for REAL.’
I swear to God, this is one of the funniest advertisement I have ever seen! Hands down man! Old Spice FTW! I am THOROUGHLY convinced by this ad. I mean, this has got to be the first time an advertisement managed to successfully convince me of their product. I wonder if Malaysia carries Old Spice?
This may be the answer I’m looking for to curb my un-man-liness (as claimed by some.)
I’m on a horse. ROFL!
Little voice in my head says:
‘Not a very good actor like you thought you were,eh?’
I tried my best to better myself at damage control. I closed one eye on this matter already. But I guess it’s not that easy. Must I really close both eyes and just blindly walk by it? No? Yes?
Some people are just really, really downright TACTLESS.
People keep telling me that I’m too much of an emotional person. I shouldn’t express too much feelings, nor should I put too much feeling into something/someone. In fact, a close friend ventured that I should actually be a bit more…reserved? I was told that even if you care deeply for someone else, that someone else may not care as much as you care for them. And this is the sad truth.
But I refute that truth. I brand it as a lie. I believe, so strongly, that what you’ll receive in return is proportional to what you give.
Stop lying to me, World. Before I give up hope on you too.
Little voice in my head says:
‘Why can’t we make this darkness feel like home?’
Here’s a random post.
So much for losing weight. Even though I ‘promised’ myself to stop the CNY-like gluttony once the festivities are over, today, I had pizza. Classified Chicken. Oh boy. Carbs.
Has this even happened to you? We all know the weather’s been stinking hot these past few days, so I wanted to take a bath to cool down. I turned OFF the heater, like, who needs it? Then, I stood under the shower head and anticipated this cold rush once that icy water hits my body.
Fuck. Warm water.
No, worse, it’s more than warm, slightly below boiling point. Like WTF??? I’m sure the water wasn’t THAT hot la, but because of the heat wave outside and my super high body temperature, it felt like bathing in scalding hot oil. Dulan like hell la wtf! Came out of the shower half-wet, half-sweating.
Bath fail.
I am doing nothing. My life is pointless. My sole purpose every day is to wake up and just plan my breakfast, lunch and dinner. Then sleep. In between those times, I just sit in front of my computer, trolling.
Yeah, and I twisted the wrong nipple. Don’t sue me.
Little voice in my head says:
‘Sometimes, the point don’t really matter, just like a homeless guy dying at the side of the road.’
Here’s another post, signifying the further breakdown of our relationship, Dad.
I realized, since a very long time ago, no matter how much you try to hide or deny it, that you were disappointed that I didn’t turn out to be the son you always wanted.
I remember your disappointment when I told you, not too long ago, that I was very undecided about my future. What I wanted to pursue, and what I wanted to be. I wanted time to discover myself, but no, you wanted to pave a clear cut path for me, as soon as possible. I appreciate that, but you can’t rush things sometimes.
I remember your disappointment with my below-average grades in high school. You thought you hid it well, with your ‘motivational’ talks to me about how its OK and I can redeem myself next time. I saw through you Dad, you’re so easy to read. And at that time, I regretted, and told myself I would try to be the son you wanted.
And I did try. But it wasn’t good enough…like always.
I remember presenting you my report card in college. I was very pleased with myself, with that 76% average. It may not be a top grade, but I was proud, because I knew for once, I put my effort into my studies. Compared to the failing grades I achieved before, you had no idea how happy I was to see that 76%. But you scorned at it. You scorned at my effort. You proceeded to lecture me on how bleak my future looked, that no universities would take me, just because I didn’t score an 80% and above. The way you put me down Dad, you have no idea how it hurts inside.
Then there’s the trust issue.
I know,back in my younger days, I was a chronic liar. I lost your trust. But as I grew older, I sought to redeem myself in your eyes. But no, I’m always this immature, lying 12-year old kid. You never trusted my judgment, you never believed in my decisions, and worst of all, you never take my word for it. How can you expect me to call you ‘Dad’ when we both know there isn’t any trust between us?
Of course, for once, I proved you wrong. I got accepted into Universities. Yes, plural. Two, by far, and more will be coming, I am sure. I was so…elated, euphoric, ecstatic when I got that acceptance letter from Victoria University. I remember so well, I, bursting into your room, with a big smile on my face and shouted : ‘I GOT ACCEPTED INTO VICTORIA U!’
You glanced at me, gave me a weak smile, nodded, and continued watching your television…
You could’ve said something Dad. A ‘Good job’ or ‘Congratulations’ would have sufficed. But no. Once again, without realizing it, you have indirectly showed your displeasure with where I am now. I remember forcing that horrible smile, so fake, plastered on my face as I walked out of your room so quick, determined to hide the tears that were threatening to fall. I’m sorry that I couldn’t make it to the big Uni’s in UK or US. Then again, sorry will never be good enough.
I know, the times you tell me that you’re proud to have a son like me. There might be a grain of truth to that, but I’ve always known all along Dad, that you expected more out of me.
Maybe, all I wanted was for you to acknowledge who I am. I’m someone who excels better beyond books and grades. I’m someone who is…more verbally expressive. I’m not a grade A+ student. I know who I am Dad, and I as sure hell know my limits. I know that I’m ME.
Again, sorry for not being who you wanted me to be.
But I’m not sorry for who I am today.
