Even cigarettes start sleeping, off into the pot of gold.

Hmm…

dang.

Not good. Spasms of emo-ness. Not good.

Constantly denying myself of the truth, the fact, is so easy to do. Accepting is always a bitch.

 

I…really, really don’t know what to think anymore. I don’t want another re-run of this whole saga. Enough with the sequels, and just goddam end the story already.

I want a new tale to be unfolded.

Cliche much. But holds true in many essences.

 

I want to pick up that particular book. The synopsis looks intriguing, promising, inviting. Yet, it comes with a pretty hefty price. Dare I flip open the pages? Only to find someone had already left a bookmark in it. So I put the book back into the shelf. Can’t have it.

And so, I go home. Once again, I pick up my old book, ruffled, dog-eared,and a little bit torn. I’ve been through it’s pages too many times. I fling it away, only to pick it up again, for it holds fond memories of reading it. But as I pick it up from the floor, once more, another hurt has been added to the book.

And guess what? My bookshelf, has only one more book slot left. Only one book.

 

 

 

 

Which one shall I put it in?

 

 

p/s : Happy Merdeka people. I don’t really care.

When everything is said and done.

If you could have any superpower in the world, what would it be?

The ability to see through windows.

Good job. LOL.

You won’t get to see the tears I cry.

And we said goodbye.

The Orphan was a friggin sick movie. Sorry la, maybe I’m just the chicken. but fuck, I am so not going to name my daughter ESTHER in any time of the near future. THAT GIRL IS SOOOOO FREAKYYYY!! ARGGHH

Holidays start yo! =)

So for now, I want to lay it aside. Forever might be good, but I know that’s pretty impossible.

‘I’ll cut off that little prick of yours before you even know how to use it.’ – Esther Coleman.

There was a time when I ran to you.

and now, I’m experiencing the backlash of my supposedly brilliant plan.

Yeap. I promise you, you’ll never see me again.

Things going on now:

1. Severe pimple outbreak. >.<
2. Jogoya buffet dinner last night was ORGASMIC! Though the bad thing about buffets is that no matter what you do, you’ll always end up overeating. sigh.
3. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but thanks to Mr G, I hate english classes now.
4. Still confused. =(
5. Need to do that overdue homework. Parent-Teacher Day coming up!!
6. I miss shin. (if you’re reading this, you know that to be true)
7. I want a new phone dammit.
8. Need to stop giving myself false hopes.
9. Holidays about to start yo! XD
10. Saw tiongtiong today. Lub yuuu! LOL
11. I need to start spending less, severe lack of $$$.
12. Neesha bringing me to SW to get muh Lady Gaga leather gloves! HEEHEE

So many things, too little time.

We usually hurt the things we love.

Pain is not part of growing up, it impedes your growth.

The toilet bowl is clean. Time for me to go dirty it.

I’m pushing my forehead against it.

Just like that, that glass wall.

OMG, for some reason, it felt…symbolic. I don’t know if that’s the word I want to use, but some where along those lines la. But what the hell.

I can’t hear you, you can’t hear me. If I break the glass, I might get hurt. It’s like, it REFLECTS what’s happening. I don’t know la. That’s what I feel.

Someone please tell me what’s wrong with yours truly. Might go nuts here.

Just like that, that glass wall. Totally ruined my day.

Sigh, need to cut ties with the past. I have too many regrets and burdens I need to shake off and forget.

I don’t care about the future. I can’t care anyways, I don’t even know how it’ll be.

But.

I’ve got now. I will live this very moment to the fullest. No more moaning.

Look at that, cassie’s work. =D

Now is such a beautiful thing, that is why it’s called present.

And if I didn’t have to believe, who would I be?

I need to stop putting my faith and hope in the wrong things.

Or else, really, everyone suffers.

Or maybe just me, if I want to be selfish.

An impossible dream, then came along false hope.

Out of 40 women in the Senate, only 2 were female.

Explains why the world is in such a fucked up state now.

Am doing better these days, I guess. Though I’ll admit, as much as I try, I probably won’t forget. How long has it been? I don’t wanna count.

Oh, fuck you Leo Club. nuff said.

I’ll starve myself at home, because I’m a loyal camper.

 

And.

I’m much confused too. Heh. Ini dikatakan terlalu perasan. Mungkinkah?

I’m not gay. I like girls. Very much.

You’re really missing out.

It’s really funny, taking a look back at your old blog, taking another look at your ‘old-self’. Laughing at those hormone-filled blog posts, accentuated by apparent self-righteous feelings. Really fun.

But then, when I stop and think about it.

How much have I really changed? How is the situation now, any different from that time?

I guess the only difference is that I’m older.

Older, but not any more wiser.

FAIL.

 

And really, I don’t need a special girl in my life…yet. It’s just me, with a major ego problem, that I feel desperately and hopelessly single.

Ok, that sounded stupid.

But I’m FEXY. Fat and Sexy. Beat That.

Looking in from the outside.

First you, then you, but in the end, it went back to you.

but still thinking about you.

Ish.

So you know what? I think, I’m the kind of guy, who’s better off being alone. I mean, a lot of people keep telling me(not that i’m bragging, bear with me here) that I’m a nice guy who’ll get a girl soon bla bla bla. But yet, I seem to have either bad or no luck regarding these kinda problems.

LOL.

my god, such a whiner I am.

Heniways. again, I tell myself : ‘I’ll never get what I want’

And people keep saying that I’m emo when I say that. No no no. It’s just my saying la. Like my tagline.

No it won’t. I’m not really alone. Alone is subjective. It’s open to interpretation.

I have wonderful friends that will keep me alive.

A guy would give his right nut to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.

And I firmly believe,

singing out loud in public, even better when singing with a bunch of crazy homosapiens, is NOT a sin.

Freedom of expression yo!

No pictures, because I haven’t been bringing my camera to school. Probably should. Sereena! Pictures yo!

Finally.

KARVEN IS SEX!

I can’t aim to save my life.

Ah Tui Mee Suah. LOL.

you just gotta love the simple things in life. So smile people. Smile.

…

……

because I am crying in my room, bawling uncontrollably, and every breath seems like acrid acid fumes corroding my trachea.

Why?

 

Because Lady Gaga, the sex machine of my life, is in Singapore, RIGHT NOW, THIS EFFIN INSTANCE! preparing herself for a GAGA concert that would probably make me jizz till my nuts dry out.

But I’m not there.

T.T

She was supposed to have my babies.

Circumcised pompom scheme.

…so I was bored. hence, title.

And for some reason, the song ‘Jenny’ has been playing persistently in my head, like some pestilential bug that won’t buzz off.

I wonder why?

Serena: ‘OK, Victor, now say something sexual and funny to allow yourself to escape this awkward moment of silence.’

Victor: ‘…’

‘…my balls are itchy?’

I believe in lies that are prettier than the truth.

 

enough said. =D

 

 

p/s : I thought I got over it, so why do I still fucking care so much?

Green pepper took over my red tomato.

When you start believing what Facebook quizzes say.

When you start wishing what Facebook quizzes say are TRUE.

 

That’s when you need to fucking stop using Facebook. Die.

Yes, I think so too. Or maybe I’m just giving myself false hope, again, like always.

‘The higher the expectation, the greater the disappointment.’

So, when will I get what I want?

Once(or maybe still am, i deno), I was completely head over heels about this girl who I know will never ever have any feelings for me. Yet, I allowed myself to chase after this impossible fantasy.

Now, I think, I don’t know, unsure, but know there’s something there, I feel so…

I just know, that again, there can be nothing going on between us.

So, tell me:

Why do I always fall for girls whom I know will NEVER ever reciprocate my feelings?

I can do toe-touch.

Really, I’ve been thinking too much. Some things currently happening now, some…well, I think I should probably stop pondering about it.

It’s the little simple things that can really cheer you up, and I’m glad.

Such as playing with a ball, whether it’s captain ball or just kicking/slapping it around.

Such as doing crazy random dance moves that you’ve learned AGES ago but completely forgotten.

Such as doing cheerleading stunts. (read my title, FTW)

Such as sitting down, talking, and camwhoring with a bunch of people I’d probably would regret not meeting.

Or even just calling your best friend at night, having an hour of nonversations.

And really,

no matter how I look at it, no matter how emotional or depressed I get, one fact will never change:

I am not alone.

 

Yes, I’m being sentimental here.

So?

I’m happy today. Really, just positive vibes coming out. Problems won’t touch me tonight.

‘No matter how low I fall, there will always be a hand to pull me back up.’ – some random blogger.

LOL.

Why do you believe what you believe?

Oh well,

always. It has to be like this.

I can never get what I want.

This has become my daily drug, my needed anesthetic.

I’ll wait.

Even the ice cream Mr Colin belanja-ed us makan can’t cheer me up. Just reminds me how fat I’ve become. ppfftt.

They said you found your song, and you’re singing it loud.

Looking back at me I see that I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in things I cannot win
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong like a drug that gets me high
What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
I never meant to be so cold
What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
I never meant to be so cold
To you I'm sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
You could see me stand on my own again
Cause now I can't see
You are the antidote that got me by
Something strong like a drug that got me high
What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
I never meant to be so cold
What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
I never meant to be so cold
I never meant to be so cold
I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things that you shouldn't have known
I guess for me there's just no hope
I never meant to be so cold
What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
I never meant to be so cold
What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
I never meant to be so cold…

‘j'veux jouir dans une 2 chevauxx’

Coz I sibeh dam cute, and I think I will get a girlfriend……in a few years time. T.T.

Such a liar.

Well, I thought it was, but in the end, it wasn’t.

Always the same thing. Over and over again. What the hell did I do to deserve all this? SIMPLICITY IS THE KEY YO! SIMPLICITY IS ALL I ASK!!

sigh.

not helping that I’m still feeling the same.

Facebook is such a liar. It just shows you what you want to see/hear, it distort facts, toys with your emotion, and in the end, we still let it enslave us to it’s cyberspace domain.

Ohmygod, it hurts worse today. Like, hard to breathe. Serious shit.

I’m such a liar. And I said I could move on.

And also, what was the point anyway? To test me? Play with my feelings? I don’t know. And to think for my 18th, I wished for a SIMPLE life.

But then again, it’s the little simple things in life that piles on each other to make such a complicated picture.

Life is such a liar.

‘I only see colors that aren’t in my life.’

My arm hair got burned off.

I am legal now yo. So called adult.

And a friend of mine told me to watch porn on the night of my birthday as a rites of passage to adulthood.

the people you meet. =.=

ANYWAYS.

I learned that being legal doesn’t stop you from fucking up your quizzes.

I learned that being legal doesn’t make you special that your teacher will allow you to hand in your assignments late.

I learned that being legal doesn’t make you any thinner.

Hoe shit.

 

 

 

Anyways, another lil surprise I got yesterday. Birthday lunch at Chili’s with a bunch of people I miss so much.

john’s shirt is dam cool.

the girl man from china who completed his wing chun training. go figure.

john was too cool for my bed, so he hogged my laptop.

thanks shin, for everything.

wei ren, act cool, EPIC FAIL.

my new toy, birthday present from dad. =DDD

AWWWWW…

AND I did learn that being legal allows you to drink all this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

24 friggin bottles of SOL beer. Thanks Ian, your present by far tops all la.

 

 

 

p/s : AND I HOPE THAT THIS SOMEONE WHO ASKED ME BLOG MORE WILL FEEL BAD LA! BECAUSE I WASN’T VERY HAPPY AND STILL AM VERY DISAPPOINTED LA! =(

p/p/s: ok la i joke, dun feel bad. but the latter sentence still applies.

As I took that turning, I lost myself.

Is it wrong? to wish for something you wished for last year?

No, I’m not wishing for anything of THAT sort.

It’s funny that I always used to gripe and moan about others, and never myself. But now, I’m beginning to see (albeit a little late) who I really am. And truth be told, I’m mortified, angry, perplexed, or whatever word you wanna use. I’m not happy.

I’m not happy of who I have grown to be. I’m not happy that I’ve made some so-called self-righteous decisions. Not just in my social life, but almost in everything I do. I justify myself by making myself the victim, never the perpetrator. I’m always on the right, never the wrong. And boy, am I paying for it now.

I’ve grown a little, I will venture to say that. I’ve grown enough to begin to see my mistakes and flaws. But I haven’t learned how to rectify them. Perhaps I’m just a guy who really loves wallowing himself in self-pity and doubt. I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that things turned out this way. I’m sorry for my actions. I’m sorry for breaking my promises. I’m sorry that I am me. I’m sorry that my sorry’s aren’t even worth 2 cents.

So.

When the clock strikes 12, I will say good bye. I will stop looking back. I’ve made a wrong decision, but because I am me, I will look away, and move on as if never happened. Little by little, I might be able to redeem myself, but not in your eyes. Myself, I am to prove. There will be no ‘Happy Birthday’ for me. Nor will I say that I’m going to drown myself in my sorrow or shits.

I want to move on, and that I will do.

When the clock strikes 12, I will say good bye.

To you and to me.