It was the violet flower that started the chaos.

I thought I was ready, I really did. Nights and nights of thinking and brooding. Hours and hours of talking with close friends…

But I wasn’t, never was.

So when it came to physical confrontation, it took all that I had to keep a straight face. I was struggling not to burst out. I had to run away as fast as I could, because it hurt so bad inside.

I am such a pathetic failure.

So everything I told myself since 4 years ago were true. All of it, irrefutable facts.

I don’t deserve anybody, coz they deserve better than me.

I will never get what I want.

I’m never good enough.

Fuck, when I tried so hard and took me so long to stagger to my feet again, it all came crashing down, in just one night. How much more fragile can I get?

It’s hard to not think about it, when everything is just staring right at your face. Moving on is one thing. Letting go is another. To move on, you have to let go.

This feels so familiar, typing this again to end my post:

Things you can never get, think about that.