Systematic, So Dramatic.

You know, it’s like, you realized something really long ago, forgot about it, then you re-realized it again. Yes, that much fail in me.

I realized that

I will never be good enough. For anything, for anyone. And yes, I have proof to back up that statement. (not sharing though.)

Well, I did share this thought with a couple of friends, and they told me, ‘Yea sure, coz there are and always will be people who are better than us.’

I agree, totally. But what if it’s something you wanted, something you tried hard to get? And everything just comes down in shambles at the very end. The end. yeah, belakang sana tu. And reason why that happens? I’m not good enough, so I get thrown aside.

Rawr.

After all this, I still didn’t learn my lesson. I keep telling myself, stop giving yourself false hope, you’ll only hurt yourself. Together now: It’s easier said than done.

Imagine me down here, and my goal/dream is up there. And I need to overcome this ladder to success. All that’s between me and my dream is…well, the ladder.

I have not the strength to toil or climb anymore. I’m tired.

Some things you can never get, think about that.

A line that has been with me since my high school days. Holds so much truth in it.

I hate being the loser. I hate not getting what I want. I hate how I have to tell myself I’m not good enough for anyone. I hate how things always ends up being a train wreck at the end. I hate forcing that smile on my face. I hate the feeling of never knowing how it is to be handsome/successful. I hate it when I get mixed signals. I hate having false hopes. I hate being alone. I hate not being to able to say the things I really want to say. I hate how I can never cross that boundary line. I hate it when I get played around. I hate it when I know I can never have you.

Jeez.