You need to glow before you can shine.

So it’s time to type out the most important (and hopefully, meaningful) post of the year. Yea, new years eve resolution post/reflection post.

Before I started this, I reread the past year end posts I did. Why? Oh you know, doing some re-reflection of my past reflections so I can reflect better for this years reflection.

=)

But anyways, let’s rewind all the way back to January. The start of my college year.

Well, looking back, I wasn’t exactly happy to start off with ICPU. Felt quite of a loner, because besides Victor Tan, there was literally no one I really knew. Dread those days (in fact, weeks) when I had to eat lunch on my own. Was really depressed and down. I guess a lot of stuff happened in 2008, and I think I sorta lost my ‘making-new-friends’ touch. Sigh much.

But ICPU people are not just people, they are awesome people. Reconnected with some people like Jervis and Andrew whom I knew years ago. Made new awesome friends like Shafique, XuanXian, Shauyin, Mohammed, Ali, Parham and so many more. Lecturers were cool, and I really enjoyed my classes (except when it came to ISU’s).

You sense a ‘but’ coming along, and you sensed right.

My ghosts of the past decided to come back to haunt me. I lost count of the posts I wrote expressing this particular…regret and mistake. In the end, I lost a friendship that I patched up after so long. Well, I asked for it. I couldn’t see the bigger picture, I couldn’t control my emotions, and most of all, I couldn’t keep my promise. I’m not such a great guy like people tell me I am after all. I’m still the same as I was 2 years ago.

Then came the 2nd semester of my college life. I got to meet a gang of people that literally turned my world upside down, IN A GOOD WAY. =) I would say, that, the 2nd half of the year for me was one heck of an emotional train ride, ups and downs and all the bumps and curves.

(it spells ICPU)

College life was beginning to look like the life I envisioned. I really treasure the moments. Though, there are some moments that I wished I could forget or erase or even re-do. Again, countless of posts regarding this. But as a highlight,

I’ve learned not to trust so easily anymore. I’ve learned that I’m not ready. I’ve learned that no matter how hard I try, it will never work out, nor will I get what I want. I’ve learned that, indeed, I will never be good enough for anyone.

Fullstop.

Honestly, when I told myself last year that I’ll mature and learn to control my emotions, I really did try. But then again, when was my best ever good enough? In fact, it’s safe to say I screwed up more compared to past years. I squandered 3 friendships, and that’s and all time high for me. Don’t tell me I’ll break another record next year?  =(

Rawr.

To be brutally frank with myself, I would say, I regret about a lot of things that I’ve done and said throughout the year. I had a lot of happy moments, I did. But the down parts of my life just outweighed everything.

Tis ish sho shad.

In general, looking back, I won’t say 2009 was exactly a good year, but it wasn’t that bad either. Though if I could re-do 2009, I would.

I guess, the only thing I can do for 2010, is to forget and move on. It’s hard, I know because that’s been what I’ve been trying to do all this while. Wish me luck.

On a jollier note,

 

Next stop, University.

OH WAIT! I forgot, new years resolution:

Well, this has been my mantra for the past few years:

Some things you can never get, think about that.

So, for the upcoming year, I SHALL DISPOSE OF THIS KIND OF THINKING! 2010! BE POSITIVE LA GODDAMMIT!

Please, remember me for the good times, and not the bad. That’s all I’m asking.