Thank you for showing me.

At times like these, I really do wonder what’s the whole point of me doing all the things I’m doing now.

This was…expected and unexpected at the same time. I know the amount of effort I put in, but why, why does it always have to be inadequate? Or maybe it’s, just that, I can’t get what I deserve? Or do I even deserve it in the first place?

It all comes back to the one thing I have come to accept: I can never get anything I want.

What I want and what I can get or achieve are two things that belong to two totally separate spectrums. Really, I feel so bloody useless now that I really do see the need to re-evaluate all that I am doing now. What’s the point of me trying so hard if the outcome will always be the same? I don’t feel like doing anything anymore. Even when I thought I could be a different person this year, in the end, I really never did change. God, this sucks so bad.

I’m not being greedy or anything, but at least give me something that credits to my effort. I know I don’t deserve a lot of things, I know. But…really, when it comes to academic stuff, even now, I really don’t know if I should keep forcing myself to do all this.

Not to mention ‘that’ certain problem is still there. I still get sleepless nights over it.

Man, such a whiner, I am.